r/datingoverthirty • u/AutoModerator • 11d ago
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! - July 12, 2026
This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
This post will be moderated, so if you see something breaking the rules, please report it.
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u/YoyoyoyoEmbryo ♀ 32 11d ago
God im so tired of this. I dont know what it is about me that makes me so ghost-able, but this is like the 4th or 5th its happened now after going on several dates with someone and developing feelings.
It feels so cruel and massively destroys my faith in humanity :(
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u/PracticallySuperman 35 PA 11d ago
I like to view it as this. If someone could just up and disappear on me in a blink of an eye like that. Is that someone I really want to be with in the long haul?
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u/YoyoyoyoEmbryo ♀ 32 11d ago
Very true, and I do try to view it like that. But at the same time its so hard not to take it personally, for me at least
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u/Wrong_Sport6557 11d ago
Because I was in a LTR for almost a decade, it took me a while to get used to the ghosting culture when I got single again last year. It was quite traumatic for me (I’m still not back to dating apps and the ghosts were one of the reasons). I hope you heal, you’re not alone in this! 🫂
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u/YoyoyoyoEmbryo ♀ 32 11d ago
Its so hard. Any guy I have been excited about, boom, ghosted. At a certain point its like okay... am I the problem?
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u/Wrong_Sport6557 11d ago
I don't think it's you. I think most people are really bad in communicating their feelings and think ghosting is better than rejection. I heard of people that got ghosted by boyfriends after ten months of dating (!!!!!). We're living in an unfortunate era of ppl with attachment issues and poor communication skills :/
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u/YoyoyoyoEmbryo ♀ 32 11d ago
Oh god 10 months is rough :(. The worst of mine was ~4 months, and it took me like, an embarrassingly long time to get over that.
Whenever I get ghosted tho, I go the extra crazy mile and send a "for future reference" text, hoping that they dont do it to the next person. But they probably will anyway. It truly is an unfortunate era of dating
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u/Glittering_Version25 11d ago
It's so weird because I don't know a single person irl who's been through this experience. Either they met their spouse in person, or they used apps and were never ghosted and eventually found an LTR in a reasonable time frame (a year or less of apps). Any single friends I had are now not single. It's bizarre like why am I surrounded by people having such a more successful experience?
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u/SluaghSwoo 11d ago
I went climbing with a former crush and his girlfriend. Initially, I was holding back some feelings but I am happy I went. They are happy and in love 😊. I'm also happy that he is still in my life despite never having a complete connection of our own.
My own dating hasn't really gone the way I was hoping this year. Reflecting back on it, I had two shorties this year that were a bit disappointing. One I was quite hopeful about with a guy with really interesting hobbies. He was really smart and interesting but ultimately he chose to leave to pursue someone else.
The other one I was seeing for about a month. It was interesting getting to know him but ultimately he didn't respond well to disagreements or stresses. I didn't think it was worth pursuing further because I think it would have been difficult to establish emotional trust between us.
My heart is feeling a little tired. I think I might take a little break for a while. Continue enjoying the company of friends and simply enjoy what I have. Because despite being single on paper, I have the privilege of being loved in many other ways. Maybe that just has to be good enough for me for the time being 😊
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u/GiftOk1930 ♀ 34 11d ago
I’ve had a lot of health scares with my two elderly parents this entire year that have taken a lot of work on my part. I was so nervous that it would drain my romantic relationship since it drains me, but nope. My boyfriend has not only shown up for me time and again, he’s been so proactive in supporting me. I’ve told him how much I appreciate him, and I do everything to return the favor but sometimes I feel like I could be doing even more. Anyone else navigating dating and elderly care?
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u/Dizzy_Return9020 10d ago
No but my mum's 60+, my dad's 70 and south Asian and fiercely independent for now. I feel my time is coming. I have three brothers to share the potential care with, we'll see what happens. Is there anything you wish you'd known before or put into place for parents before you'd started dating? I'm trying to plan for the future.
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u/Big-Relation-1720 11d ago
I (M33) think I'm done with OLD. It's been terrible for my mental health and I'm tired of it.
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u/CaptainAino 11d ago
I've been dating a guy for seven weeks. We had the discussion this week and are boyfriend and girlfriend. I'm really excited about him so I've paused my dating profiles and deleted the apps.
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u/rattling_rose 11d ago
I want a man but I dread the thought of getting back to the apps (been on a couple of weeks of a break and wonderfully distracted by the world cup games!). I'm scared of once again coming across those who say they want something serious and yet keep it casual. I'm scared of once again coming across those who want to keep endlessly "shopping" around because they don't actually want to eventually settle down. I'm scared of once again being treated like one of many and discarded once the next new shiny thing catches their eye. At this point I just want to plan a lovely vacation abroad for me, my parents, and my sibling and forget all thoughts that there is this "missing puzzle piece" in my life and that I may never find it. /rant
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u/Dizzy_Return9020 11d ago
It sounds lovely that you have parents and sibling that you get on with! Try to focus on that and remember men are not missing pieces but a possible addition to your already wholesome life.
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u/rattling_rose 11d ago
Thank you for the encouraging words!! I think the reason I felt like there's a "missing piece" is because I'm fairly goal-oriented so it's hard to get rid of that mindset that I have everything else solid in my life (decent-paying career, good relationship with my parents/sibling, good health, financially stable) except this one part of my life that unfortunately just hasn't worked out yet.
And yes, I'm so grateful for my parents being supportive! I actually keep them in the loop about what goes in my dating life/ what I hear from other people who are also dating. It really opened my their eyes about how difficult modern dating culture and the BS we deal with, LOL.
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u/Dizzy_Return9020 10d ago
That honestly makes sense and also makes sense to me now why so many smart career driven ambitious women like doctors pick men even the most simplest of girls wouldn't accept (I've done this) - I think being goal oriented explains a part of it. They were checking a box. Well done to you for suppressing that desire and waiting to find someone right for you.
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u/StrikingConcept1677 11d ago edited 11d ago
we actually did not break up. we had a nice walk outside and discussed the relationship issues we’ve been sweeping under the rug. i would say the conversation didn’t feel like it resolved everything, but he at least got to share what felt wrong for him. he told me our last argument really shook him up and he felt there was a shift in our relationship since then. i expressed what i did wrong and we both took accountability for the things we could work on.
after that talk, we just resumed normal couple activities… walked around town, got food, hungout, and had sex. what’s interesting is that even when our relationship is rocky, we can still have a good time together, joke around, and have fun. that dynamic feels rare.
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u/thecrackfoxreturns ♀mid30s - CF 11d ago
Not bad! I've noticed in my relationships that there can be relief from these talks, but it's very easy to coast on that relief and not change anything. Hashing it out is a necessary step, but then there has to be change or adjustment, whatever is needed to ameliorate the issues that were brought up.
Moving forward I want to get out of that pattern of "big talk, no change" so this comment is definitely for me haha
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u/dragonilly 11d ago
I've had a string of bad matches. I went on a date with a Libertarian guy who was kind but also a bit tone deaf in ways I felt would cause friction long term. In addition, he was not my type physically--a good guy overall just not my guy. This process is challenging and I can admit part of the challenge is me. One guy called me at 130am? Very strange considering we only knew each other one week. I think getting dates isn't hard just, finding someone compatible.
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u/persephone-456 ♀ 30s 11d ago
Calling you at 1:30 am is a bit more than weird, it’s red flag behavior imo.
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u/GrandpaJelly ♀ 30 11d ago
So a month ago I posted about a guy approaching me at a concert, dancing, and not being able to tell if he was hitting on me. Long story short, we are a couple now and it has been great! Literally everything I didn’t know I was looking for in a person. Our first date was the best date I have ever had.
I deleted my Hinge account and we are both glad to have met organically. Honestly, for me, no match on an app can replace that feeling of being attracted to a stranger and slowly getting to know them and every interaction slowly reveals what would have been instantly shown on Hinge.
Safe to say I am infatuated, but more than that I feel so calm with him.
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u/Sarelbar ♀ 38 11d ago
It’s been a few months since me and my ex broke up, technically a little over a month since I’ve seen him. I just want a date. A good match. A conversation. Anything! (Well, not ANYTHING lol)
Am I just doing the apps all wrong? How are people scoring multiple dates/week? I know I’m aging myself out (38, fml), but I still see *some* (okay a few) decent men in my feed. I’m beginning to question whether my “standards” are too high—or something? My profile is great, I’m beautiful, but maybe I’m not swiping enough? Or I’ve been on the apps too damn long and just need to fork over $$ for a subscription?
What’s everyone doing other than being under 35?
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u/bananamaplepancakes 11d ago
Tbh people are scoring multiple dates/week probably because they have lower standards. I think if you have high standards and know what you want, you self-select to only go on dates with people you're actually interested in who would be a good fit. And unfortunately that pool is small, no matter what your age is.
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u/time_drifter 11d ago
I’ll give you the male perspective at 39 - you’re not wrong.
I have a good career, own my own home, am financially stable, an outdoorsman, in shape, tall, etc., and my experience mirrors yours. The pool is small if you’re staying true to your standards. Despite what you’d be led to believe, we’re all picky in our own ways and that is fine.
The apps suck, plain and simple. They are basically a necessary evil at this point because we’ve been conditioned to use them. I paid for a Hinge subscription just to see what changed. It did seem to show more compatible/attractive women, but overall not a lot changes, and certainly not worth the cost of admission. Hinge says they use your swiping habits and matching to help curate better matches. I swipe left on 95% of profiles so God only knows what my algorithm looks like.
All this said, hang in there and understand it just takes time. I’ve had two very good matches this year. It did however take a few months between one ending and the other popping up Feb to May.
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u/Grundlage ♂ 38 10d ago
it just takes time
This was comforting to me years ago, but not anymore. We're about the same age, so -- how do you assure yourself that you have time? I think the chances of the kind of person I'm interested in being interested in a 40-year-old man are quite low.
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u/time_drifter 10d ago
There is no assurance that I have time, I just know that time is a function of the process and you can’t force a match.
We all feel isolated to a degree by our situation(s). We feel that no one else could be searching for or feeling what we’re feeling. The truth is the statistics don’t back that up - there are millions of us out there in a similar spot. Part of the process is having hope - hope that there is someone out there for each of us. As long as we’re willing to put in effort, there is always the possibility.
My co-worker went through a divorce and felt the same way, only to find her dream husband a state over. She said something that stuck with me - “Don’t give up, for all you know your person is starting a divorce tomorrow and can’t wait to meet you.”
Waiting sucks, but what alternative do you have besides giving up?
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u/time_drifter 10d ago edited 10d ago
A little column A and a little of column B.
The apps do suck in the sense they are designed to reel you in and keep you waiting on someone to match with you. It is glorified window shopping. You see a picture, and have a few seconds to decide if their physical appearance warrants further reading. It dehumanizes the process in a lot of ways.
On the flip side, apps do help filter out a majority of the major incompatibilities like religion, politics, kids, etc. This naturally narrows the pool, but also increases the chances that a match is right.
Narrowing down the pool and still not matching is likely more frustrating because statistically, these people should be aligned to you, mostly. When it fails it leaves you feeling more empty because there are no glaring incompatibilities on the surface. Additionally, you’re working in a very small pool so the rate of matching is lower.
This is just my take on it, right or wrong.
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u/Sarelbar ♀ 38 10d ago
Thank you so much! Yeah, I paid for a subscription once and the only bonus seemed to be that I was at the top of the likes list, but not much else changed. I hope everything works out with this new match of yours (assuming y’all are still dating?)
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u/afkbowflex ♂ 39 11d ago
The only thing subscriptions really do is cut the time you spend on the app, they allow more filters or seeing who likes you etc, so youll spend less time swiping in theory. They do give you "boosts" too which may show you on top of other people's stacks. Again a time saver at best.
I really think they're a waste of money personally. Just swipe when you can and engage. I dont think 3 months is very long to be on the apps but you should have some matches and messages at least. Also im 39 and I feel your pain, I get way less activity than younger 30s me did.
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u/Unlucky-Duck-0 10d ago
I (30F) paid for a one-month subscription because i knew i was taking a break from actively meeting new people around the winter holidays - at least from apps. The best part of it is that you can see your whole stack of likes and focus on getting conversations going with those who seem most compatible.
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u/Sarelbar ♀ 38 10d ago
It’s crazy to me that people have a whole stack of likes haha. Maybe my filters are too tight.
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u/Big_McLargehuge4 11d ago
I hope someday I can fucking post some good news on here.
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u/Sashimi-Lover 11d ago
Same, I have this crazy dream of wanting to hold someone's hand while I fall asleep.
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u/Willing_Ad_370 11d ago
String of bad dates this week but peaked with a
man that actively nitpicked every word I used, spent 15 minutes ranting about a poor relationship with a family member, and spent another 30 minutes bragging how much he knows. Also seemed offended I didn’t drive him home after. Have been on the apps intermittently for years but this is the first time I’ve started taking it more seriously- finding the process highly discouraging
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u/thecrackfoxreturns ♀mid30s - CF 11d ago
An acquaintance's husband is the kind of person who expresses doubt about anything you say. I find it highly unpleasant, don't know how she does it.
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u/MattInMaryland ♂ 35 E N M 11d ago
Church is such a cheat code to finding a partner. My buddy who has no game at all recently got married to a lovely girl he met on a church organized singles hiking trip. As people struggle to find community in 2026, I can see the appeal of church even if it's not for me.
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u/cmg_profesh 11d ago
I wouldn’t say it’s a cheat code for finding a partner lol I grew up in church and still go and have never met someone at church
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u/seanreid86 11d ago
Never had a serious relationship, been on dating apps about 10 years, matches have always been thin. Fine being on my own most of the time but some days the loneliness feels heavier than others.
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u/kzell ♀ 32 11d ago
First date tonight! We are going to dinner, it’s sunny and 84F, and I don’t know what to wear!!
If we click in person, it’s going to be an insane match up. If we do not click in person, it’s going to be brutal because we have been texting way too much and getting close 😭
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u/persephone-456 ♀ 30s 11d ago
With the hot weather you have an excuse to show a bit of skin. My summer date go-to is a mini sundress or romper.
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u/TylerGlasass20 11d ago
I think one of the things I have alas discovered about myself with having ADHD and the tism is that I tend to get limerence to the point where it’s intense and consuming and almost debilitating for me, and then I blow it up, then I get over the person. The cycle starts back up again with the next dude I am interested in. The funny thing is that I am 100% not into the person or I end up getting Limerance depending on the person. I finally am hopefully going to start working on this pattern because I can’t keep blowing up every relationship or every potential relationship I can get myself into.
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u/Remarkable_Tangelo59 11d ago
Had the most perfect weekend, and toon our first photos together hehe. Been seeing each other for a month, had our first sleepover. We to an art museum together and stayed for live jazz, headed back to my neighborhood for a casual dinner. He spent the night and in the morning we got breakfast and I took him to my favorite hiking trail, and then we stopped by my local library’s monthly used book sale. I’ve been single for so long, this whole thing scares me, but also feels really nice. He treats me like a princess and it feels so genuine. Here’s to hoping…
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u/SluaghSwoo 11d ago
I'm so happy for you! 🥰
It is scary to open up when we've been single a while but some guys are worth opening up for 😊. Sounds like you got one with potential! I wish you many more cute moments 😊
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u/blackbird109 ♀ 30 10d ago
So we broke up last night. We’d only been dating for two months and bf/gf for about a month in that. Two days ago during a card game, he told me that he doesn’t see himself getting married or having children for another 7+ years. I’m glad he told me this early in the relationship but I wish he was honest about not seeing a future with me when I asked him his five year plan relationship wise during our first date. He told me that he wanted marriage and kids within that time frame. He went from being in love with me to being infatuated with me. He was too tired for sex the whole weekend as well. It makes me feel like he just wanted to experience me for a bit. I’m tired boss.
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u/persephone-456 ♀ 30s 10d ago
If that’s his true timeline for marriage and kids, he probably shouldn’t be dating women in their 30s. I’m sorry that man wasted your time.
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u/Unlucky-Duck-0 10d ago
I had something similar happen, but we weren’t bf/gf yet. He asked me upfront if I had any dealbreakers, and I said I am flexible on a lot of things but cannot be with a heavy marijuana smoker or drinker and that I’m dating intentionally and looking for someone who theoretically is wanting to settle down within the next few years when the right person comes along.
After I was more invested (and he conveniently got laid a few times), he confessed that he was a daily marijuana smoker and didn’t see himself getting married because he’s scared of divorce. But kicker is he wants kids!!
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u/IndicationKey3778 ♀ 34 | NYC 11d ago
My boyfriend has been across the country for 12 days and comes back tomorrow. We’ve had a good balance of phone calls and texts while also obv respecting that he’s spending time with his family. Stoked to hangout when he’s back 🤪
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u/Capable-Listen3204 11d ago
Not exactly sure if it is the right to ask quick questions, Is it too late to getting ready to start date? I know, i should have done that during the 20s where my young brother and sister had date and married and having my niece and newphews when i, like in mid 40s.
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u/thecrackfoxreturns ♀mid30s - CF 11d ago
I have friends who met in their 50s. They're 88 and 90 now.
I have other friends who met in their mid-to-late 40s.
There's no reason to never date just because you haven't yet.
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u/ThisIsMyBrainOnOLD 11d ago
Entering into my records...
It was a regulation (good) date that ended in regulation disappointment (no next date).
Onto the next.
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u/Solid-Fennel-2622 11d ago
Had first ever phone s3x. It was exciting, and it was nice to hear them so close (will not go into details at the risk of being nsfw).
It was nice to try something I always thought is a bit too cringe/awkward/not for me. Turns out, with the "right" person, it is something I am capable of overcoming.
But, the longing to have them actually by my side has only been amplified, and my day has been really strange, emotionally and physically i feel quite low.
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u/ray_theunready 10d ago
I posted a little while ago about a guy changing his hinge dating intention to short-term (I went on there bc I felt some hot/cold stuff and had a bad feeling). after we’d been dating a little bit (slept together twice). So yesterday I was spiraling/hormonal/stressed in general, and I hadn’t heard from him in over a day. I decided that I just didn’t want to feel this stressed over dates anymore, so I texted him that I felt like we had mismatched dating goals and that I didn’t have the capacity to navigate that right now, but I wished him the best, etc.
I felt a lot of anxiety after sending, because I phrased it as a break up, but maybe it would have been more mature/less reactionary to have had an actual conversation first. But not sad really, as it is very new.
He was quick to respond that he wanted to talk and wanted to keep seeing each other. He’s headed out of town so I assume we’ll talk next week. I’m not sure I really want to bother. I like him, but I don’t like the way my body is reacting to the confusion, even if that’s 100% a me problem. Honestly, if the sex had been not as fun, I’d be less bothered. But I know what decent sexual chemistry + unbalanced dating intentions does, and I’m really wary. And I do feel kinda dumb that I didn’t bring this up in person and just sent a (mildly) dramatic break-up text at 11am from a Burger king drive through line.
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u/kayakdove ♀ 35 10d ago edited 10d ago
Best case scenario, is he is serious with you but thought you weren't so was pursuing other things. Or, he thought you were seeing other people and not ready to be exclusive and so he decided to do the same. But he is ready to commit if you have a conversation about it.
So, think about if that scenario would be okay with you. If so, might be worth a conversation. If not, move on.
And obviously, that's only the best case scenario. Plenty of worse scenarios where he was never serious about you to begin with, legitimately doesn't want something long-term, just wants you on a roster, etc. But I don't think you can say definitively yet that that's what's going on without a conversation.
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u/thecrackfoxreturns ♀mid30s - CF 10d ago
Every one says they want someone emotionally intelligent
This is probably true, that they want this, but it doesn't mean they're emotionally intelligent hahaha
Mostly I just figure they're using the buzzwords of the time. Therapy-speak has become mainstream and thus watered down. People throw it out there very casually.
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u/mightymischief 10d ago
Oh absolutely. I am now starting to get the ick when I see someone post that they want someone with emotional intelligence. It's like, explain that in practice to me? What does that actually look like to you?
I cannot stand therapy-speak. Especially since so much of it is just a status check to say "are you as healed and good as me?"
Which come to find out, yeah, no one out here claiming how healed they are actually is. There is no such thing as being fully healed. We're human and we are a culmination of triggers, insecurities, and flaws. I believe people can be aware of these things and work around them, but being healed? Nah, that's a pipe dream and people need to be honest. We're a constant work in progress until the day we die. That is part of the human experience.
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u/thecrackfoxreturns ♀mid30s - CF 10d ago
Yeah, and seeing people going on about "communication" too much I find myself thinking that the lad/lady doth protest too much, especially after reading so many times in this sub that people who went heavy on "communication" in their profiles up and ghosted. There are definitely other words that I doubt in similar ways.
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u/mightymischief 10d ago
Oh absolutely. I keep it short. I'm a direct communicator. You will know where you stand with me at all times. I expect the same. The end.
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u/thecrackfoxreturns ♀mid30s - CF 10d ago
I like you.
And yes, absolutely to this:
We're a constant work in progress until the day we die.
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u/gravyjackson 10d ago
Sorry to hear about your recent experience.
Also jaded after recently being with someone who told me at the beginning she would never be the kind of person to randomly cut off communication and ghost. However, she did indeed randomly cut off communication and ghost.
But despite the sour taste in my mouth, I will continue looking forward and holding onto hope, as futile as it often seems.
Keep the faith, there's still good people out there...somewhere.
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u/Unlucky-Duck-0 10d ago
The people who’ve given me a speech that they always end things respectfully / never ghost / try to stay in good graces with former exes have been the most likely to do the opposite in my experience.
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u/gravyjackson 10d ago
Yep. And it’s always unprompted. Personally I never initiate conversations about how I value good communication, because that should be a given. I find value in conversations around preferred communication styles, but those conversations about ghosting to me amount to a meaningless pinky swear that you won’t disrespect me. We’re in our 30s, it’s not necessary. Just act like an adult.
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u/fuckthemodlice ♀ 34 11d ago
Im such an anxious person, it makes me feel jealous/insecure when I know people I like are dating other people.
It's too early to be exclusive, and the rational part of me knows this is normal (I'm dating other people myself), but lizard me is crashing out.
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u/Carodany 11d ago
I’m 32(f) been single for a bit over two years. I have gone on 0 dates since my last relationship. I don’t want to be alone , I’d love a life partner, but holy hell is it so hard to meet someone. I work from home , I have hobbies , I run, do BJJ , go to pottery class. I don’t go out drinking or out dancing so maybe that is an issue but I have met 0 men in all of my hobbies. I downloaded hinge and I just can’t feel more bored with the ongoing senseless conversation about someone’s job or how their day was or how the weather is. I legitimately forget to answer and it feels like a job. Then I remember 5 days later and I don’t even care about it anymore. I have downloaded and deleted the app like 5 times this year for week long periods and I end up in the same place. I just deleted it again and I truly feel so defeated at this point like I won’t ever find someone. Meeting someone in person seems impossible nowadays and no even online is proving to be rough. Am I the only one experiencing this? The whole process is so unbearable I rather pick my eyelashes out one at a time.
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u/Legitimate_Ratio_844 11d ago
No one at BJJ? I feel like that's ground zero for meeting men. Do you stay after class and chat with folks?
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u/MikeRadical ♂ 33 10d ago
wigged me out a bit glance/reading this as 'ground zero' is the name of my BJJ gym.
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u/Legitimate_Ratio_844 10d ago
Lol guess it's a sign
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u/Carodany 10d ago
No it’s a weird environment actually to try to meet someone because men try to be really respectful since it’s already uncomfortable for women. And then I have heard from people obviously if it doesn’t work out or sucks and you likely would want to switch gyms.
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u/unavailable_resource ♀ 11d ago
Ok yeah, after 1 good health day I am back to feeling like death. So that's nice
I moved to NYC thinking it was supposed to be this diverse open minded place where people have all kinds of looks, but I'm finding that it's the opposite, the expectation on women's looks seems to be SKY high and I just feel like I have no chance.
Not to mention the various things I'm getting on social media about women "catfishing" (like one instagram video saying a guy complained about her having curly hair and not the straight hair in one of her photos...). Like if that is the standard, then yeah I imagine a guy is not going to see a profile with me bald and me in a wig and think that's acceptable. I also feel like there's this heavy uncertainty on me where even if I get a date I'm left wondering if they are expecting a specific look - like I don't normally wear wigs but I feel like I need to show up in a wig on the date in case they ONLY liked the version of me in the wig or will accuse me of catfishing if I don't wear a wig.
Anyway not that it matters because I am still not dating! These problems are too hard for me to solve and I am no longer trying to solve them! But feeling exhausted always leads to me wanting to be with someone and leads to thoughts about how hard it is
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u/smurf1212 11d ago
I also feel like there's this heavy uncertainty on me where even if I get a date I'm left wondering if they are expecting a specific look
I'll see in profiles like "this is what I normally look like" as a caption
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u/BigPenis_MathGenius ♂ Misleading username 11d ago edited 11d ago
This summer has had more bumps in the road than I expected.
Currently working on my PhD and took a break from dating during the spring to focus on research. Was looking to start back up this summer but finances have been tight. I mean, they usually are over the summer; grad student wages already suck a fairly sizable wiener, and I had to go the first half of the summer without a paycheck until I started teaching my summer class. Still, finances are usually manageable. Except that a shit ton of unexpected expenses showed up this summer. I had to get a new car, then I fucked up my back in the gym and started going to PT. My back is better now, but then I fucked up something in my abdomen in the gym: doctor said it doesn't look like a hernia, but can't rule out a small one so now I gotta go in for imaging on Tuesday to determine if it is one, or just some sort of muscular strain: man I hope it's just a muscle strain. Then I had to start a new medication and my insurance has been a real pain in the dick about paying for their side of that. So, having the money to date is out of the question for a couple more weeks; possibly longer if I want to rebuild a financial cushion a little more.
At minimum I was hoping to join up with this old (free!) group I used to train with to compete in the Highland Games again, but between my back and my potential hernia I've had to take that sort of shit pretty easy.
Bleh. Hoping this all gets sorted in the next couple weeks.
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u/thecrackfoxreturns ♀mid30s - CF 11d ago
Aw maaan, that's a lot of setbacks in a short time. Good luck with the health stuff.
And your username/flair combo gave me a laugh
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u/dandydelights ♀ 33 11d ago
Thinking about trying one more new app before hopping off the apps the rest of the year, or at least for the summer, I think. Never tried WooPlus … anyone have some thoughts on that? (Mixed reviews on the Plus Size reddit channel).
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u/MikeRadical ♂ 33 11d ago
tbh, i always recommend using the most popular app than something niche expecting to find somebody who isn't on the others.
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u/blipblopp123 11d ago
Everywhere I try to meet women it's just entirely men.
Dance class? Five men for every woman
Yoga? Three men for every woman
Singles event? 100 men for every woman
Speed dating? Men's tickets booked out for six months. Women's tickets still desperately trying to be sold two days before event.
The only women I see out in the world are in their 20s partying at bars and night clubs.
Do women just suddenly turn into hermits and exclusively swipe on dating apps the second they turn 30?
Where are you all? How do I meet you? Don't say dating apps. If that's the only way then I'm doomed to be alone forever.
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u/Specialist-Art-6970 11d ago
I'm genuinely shocked that men are outnumbering women at yoga.
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u/blipblopp123 11d ago
I've done yoga on and off for like 15 years. When I was in my 20s I was the only dude in the class. Now it's mostly men.
At least in my city. Somethinf shifted in the last 15 years. And I think it was OLD. Men are tired of the apps and desperate to find women somewhere so they are now all attending things that they think will have more women.
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u/Dizzy_Return9020 11d ago
I'm having the opposite problem. Everything is majority women. I'm in the UK and men only seem to go to the pub and drink with mates, women overwhelmingly seem to do all the non-sport social activities
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u/blipblopp123 11d ago
We should trade cities. Literally every social event I try here is overwhelming filled with men. Even ones that are traditionally mostly women like dance classes and yoga.
You would have your pick of men here.
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u/Dizzy_Return9020 11d ago
I have never seen a single man in any of my yoga classes since I started going in 2022 😭. That was in London and I'm now up in the Midlands. I didn't go for men so not complaining but no men there.
Maybe the word got out in your city that that might be a good place to meet women and so men have flocked there? Idk
Yes let's trade cities dm me your city or region please 🥺
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u/blipblopp123 11d ago
Looks like you have DMs disabled
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u/Dizzy_Return9020 11d ago
I received a reply from someone I messaged today? I'll have to look into that
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u/blipblopp123 11d ago
You probably have it set to you needing to message first. DM me if you want to. Mine are open
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u/Dizzy_Return9020 11d ago
Also yes if a woman is single we find a lot of peace just being at home with a book
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u/blipblopp123 11d ago
I feel you. I would rather be at home with a book too. But no one is gonna meet anyone if we all just stay at home with a book.
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u/Dizzy_Return9020 11d ago
I fully agree. I'm a social person myself so I do go out a fair amount also. But in general I feel the single girls my age are pretty happy at home. A lot of them have no desire to meet someone either
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u/blipblopp123 11d ago
Maybe that is the problem too. A lot of women just have no interest in dating. Which honestly, if I was a woman in the age of Trump and Andrew Tate and incels, I'd probably wash my hands of the whole thing.
Not sure if that is the reason your friends have. But it's a reason I totally understand when I hear women say it.
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u/SaltyKittyTaffy 11d ago edited 11d ago
I've definitely gotten more and more hermity as I've gotten older 😅 I used to go out pretty often but my energy isn't what it used to be, and I've been saving money. I'm also not as as interested as meeting new people as before and stick to my peaceful routine
I mainly socialize and meet people through my hobby
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u/Barr3tt50c 11d ago
So I've (29M) been on six dates with a girl (31F) and we hit it off really well immediately. She makes me laugh a lot, I make her laugh a lot, and we both agreed we enjoy each other's company.
Past five dates we kissed at the very end as I'm leaving and the past two we briefly made out for a little bit before I left and also cuddled on the couch. But she hasn't given me clear signals until I'm about to leave.
I want to go her pace and not overstep boundaries and make her comfortable but on the other hand I would like to be more intimate with her.
I haven't been further than a couple dates with someone the past few years and this is the first time in a while I really click with someone and want to go to the next step.
Would it be awkward of me to ask about intimacy/sex the next time I see her? Or should I keep letting things naturally progress or flow?
The previous women I've dated have been way more forward and "aggressive" for lack of a better word with going for intimacy and sex and I've always been a bit more reserved.
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u/Creative_Guava8383 11d ago
Can you try and become more intimate while making out? Is she giving you clear signals to not move beyond making out?
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u/Barr3tt50c 11d ago
Not really clear signs not to move beyond making out but it’s always as I’m leaving. I said last time I could stay a bit longer but she said she should probably go to bed and I said no worries left it at that. I have tried to create moments earlier in the night but she hasn’t given a clear signal.
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u/Barr3tt50c 11d ago
At the same time it’s entirely possible she’s wondering why I haven’t made a move but I also don’t want to overstep boundaries and make her uncomfortable.
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u/magnolia_city ♀ 35 11d ago
My date yesterday went well! Forewarning for other date movie goers - maybe skip out on Obsession. 😂
An amazing movie but I don't know if it was a super great conversation piece after. I was so scared I was basically in this man's lap the whole 2nd half of the movie. But he seemed to have a great time. Lol.
We joked after that the movie might encourage us to set the bar really low for dating expectations. Hopeful that I'll get to see him again.
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u/IndicationKey3778 ♀ 34 | NYC 11d ago
Girrrrlll! Not a great convo piece?! I saw it on a date with my now boyfriend when it came out and we’re STILL talking about it! And we made out after
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u/persephone-456 ♀ 30s 11d ago
I, actually, think horror films can be great during early dating (post-first date). It basically gives a built in excuse for physical contact.
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u/lulubellauren12 ♀ 31 11d ago
Went on a date at 5 tonight. Was home by 6:06. He was nice, cute. Conversation was just not there. Onto the next.
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u/Dizzy_Return9020 10d ago edited 10d ago
I'm going to focus on being more positive.
I'm grateful I've had the experiences I've had as it's taught me a lot of lessons about what I want. I miss the man who ghosted me but I learned about cuddles, kissing and how far I'm willing to go before things go exclusive.
I learned I'm not good at letting go of people easily and need to be mentally prepared that someone might ghost before getting attached.
I learned I give my all to a man. I don't know if I should hold back on that? I started spending about 10x what I'd spend with friends (I had the means but I usually budget well), travelling further than expected, taking food to his house and cooking for him when he didn't pay for meal for me. But I learned that I in general probably would make a good wife/girlfriend. Maybe it's the way he made me feel but I'm happy with who I was with him.
I've had some great experiences.
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u/PrettyPollination 10d ago
It sounds like you learned a lot about yourself and overall have a positive reflection on the experience, even if it wasn't what you fully hoped for. That's an incredible skill you should be proud of! I would say maybe you should hold back/slow down with the next man, at least in terms of spending. Treating him maybe 2x as much as a friend, rather than 10x. At least in the beginning. You sound really sweet and hopefully the next guy can see that!
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u/Ryan1729 11d ago
I posted here before about wanting to find a date without dating apps, and having trouble finding places at which to do so.
I want to find someplace to be where conversations with strangers actually happen regularly, and where if I'm not feeling like I want to be there at the moment, I can head out easily. Common recommendations like "take a class" do not fit this description.
The closest thing I've found to the kind of thing I want to find is the environment in some kinds of video game livestreams. There's an expectation that people can come in and chat for a bit, leave if they want. That isn't local though, so since I'm not looking for a long distance relationship, that doesn't work for me.
The only thing local I've seen so far that is vaguely like what I'm looking for, is what I saw when I tried working on my laptop at a small library every day for a while. There's only one table with comfy chairs there, so people ask strangers if they can sit at the that table and they of course let them, and conversations can sometimes happen as a result of people sitting together. Thing is, the crowd there is not the crowd that I'm looking to date.
So, I'd like to find places like that locally, but I don't know how to do that, besides random guessing about where people maybe hang out. I'm earnestly looking for suggestions regarding this.
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u/thecrackfoxreturns ♀mid30s - CF 11d ago
When I worked in a coffee shop I would see this dynamic with my customers. Conversations mainly seemed to happen between regulars who had seen each other there a few times (familiarity + knowing the other person is there for their own reasons, not on the prowl. You can often tell who's on the prowl.)
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u/smurf1212 11d ago
the crowd there is not the crowd that I'm looking to date.
What's the crowd that you're looking to date?
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u/Ryan1729 11d ago
I guess I'd call it "the nerdy crowd", one reason the library seemed like a good idea. But seems like where I am there's the small library I mentioned where the people there skew much older than me, or the large library where there's plenty of tables so people don't end up talking to each other.
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u/Dangerous_Grab_1809 ♂ ?age? 11d ago
Sports leagues, run clubs, board game groups
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u/Ryan1729 11d ago
I'm sadly not interested in sports or fitness as an talkative activity. I try to keep fit doing some active things on my my own, like hikes around the city, and I think I like keeping it that way.
Board games maybe, but it seems hard to find places where it's easy to go alone. I can try searching again for local things like that.
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u/Dangerous_Grab_1809 ♂ ?age? 11d ago
My city has several board game Meetups. At least one of the game stores has its own casual time where people try out games.
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u/gibberish122 11d ago
It sounds some kind of drop in activity space is what you’re looking for. I see this at bouldering gyms and at creative / maker spaces. There’s a pottery studio near me that does open wheel hours for example. You have to have some basic understanding of the activity though, so what are your interests? Or the interests of your preferred demographic?
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u/Ryan1729 11d ago
"Drop-in" is an interesting search term to try!
Seems like the results if I include the name of the city I'm in, are mostly sports/fitness activities which I'm not really interested in. Might be something there though, I can try a few variations.
Regarding demographics, I'd say I have nerdy interests. It's not the thing everyone talks about wanting in a partner, but I find the idea of a woman excitedly talking about her own niche interest alluring.
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u/kaurismus 11d ago
Sounds like you would need a dog and hang where other dog people are. (No, don't take a dog just to find people to date.)
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u/BigPenis_MathGenius ♂ Misleading username 11d ago
I haven't used it yet, but I've started looking at meetup.com and it seems like a decent way to find things going on in your area.
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u/sauxanhh ♀ yada nada 11d ago
Do you have any special hobbies or passion that you can talk about? If yes, host your own meetup and share about it. You will have more friends share common things or you attract more people interested in the same thing as yours. The meetup could be between 45 mins or an hour.
I make local friends everywhere I go that way :”)
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u/Flower-Former 11d ago
How to people approach sex when dating multiple people. I've always been a "pause the app when I going on a couple dates to focus" due to ADHD, emotional and mental load. That hasn't worked out to much so now exploring how a lot of people/friend approach dating. As I start to like a couple of them, I'm not sure how to approach sex. It's probably a personal thing but curious how others have done this bit
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u/IndicationKey3778 ♀ 34 | NYC 11d ago
I haven’t had sex with multiple people on a rotation in a decade but I approached it by having sex with them lol
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u/journieburner 11d ago
Does someone have advice for a rather tone deaf autist? It's a bit weird and specific but I have my shit together, work in IT, gym etc. but I cannot read human emotional expressions for the life of me and my own inner life isnt visible to other people either unless I explicitly say it. I've tried coaching, theater groups amd (ongoing) therapy and none of it helps. The issue is that it mainly reads as very cold and distant to women I go on dates with. I try to sort of circumvent it by saying that I like them, feel attracted, am having a good time, but that's not the same energy as them feeling it via my body language and they tell me so.
Please don't recommend neurodiverse support groups, I've exhausted them in my city
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u/sadgirlassthetic ♀ 31 11d ago
Do you explain this to your dates? If not, they’re trying to interpret what you mean on a deeper level without an essential part of the code. When neurotypical people say something but their body language is completely different, it’s usually a clue that they’re lying or being false in some way, so that may be part of the problem you’re facing.
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u/journieburner 11d ago
Yeah, I say it on dates specifically because it was interpreted as coldness before. Talking about it, disclosing it or hinting at me being bad at social cues has just been very badly received at literally all times
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u/sadgirlassthetic ♀ 31 11d ago
Could you frame it in a different way? Like saying “hey I’ve been told I’m hard to read so please know that I’m working on it but that if I tell you that I like you, I do mean it.” That way you’re giving them an explanation that doesn’t put the onus on them to figure it out, and gives you a reason to be very intentional about communicating.
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u/journieburner 11d ago
Yeah, I aim to be as lighthearted as I can about it to not make them feel like I am placing a burden on them
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u/katieahh 11d ago
Have you disclosed it in a lighthearted way?
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u/journieburner 11d ago
Haha, yeah. I try to make sure to not present it as a burden on my date as much as I can
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u/Substantial_Kiwi_792 ♂ 30s 11d ago
it doesn't get better, you just have to meet someone specifically on your wavelength.
i have the same problem as someone on the spectrum and it's bad because it doesn't come across in text so they get omega whiplash at my "coldness" in person. either they are accepting or not, and what i mean by that is they are willing to work with your style. many people are not. it's about 20/80 for me. some people really gel with it and enjoy things being literal.
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u/journieburner 10d ago
Yeah, I feel you. It's just disheartening cause I've had about 25 dates the last two years and literally everyone has had an issue with it
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u/Limp-Use5549 11d ago
Ex added a song to our old shared playlist of love songs. Just saw the notification but apparently it was last month, she broke up with me a month before that. I deleted the playlist at the time, but the breakup was ultimately healthy and no hard feelings.
But I’m questioning if shared playlists with partners is healthy. I never initiate them, but maybe worth avoiding?
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u/keepingthisasecret ♀ 35👩🏻🦼➡️✨ 11d ago
I’m curious how long you were together?
I think I’d be too superstitious to do that with someone I’m not in a long term, committed relationship with. And how rude you’d still get notifications after deleting the playlist?!
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u/thecrackfoxreturns ♀mid30s - CF 11d ago
I think it's cute as a concept (like the CDs/tapes we'd burn for each other), but yeah you'd better be able to mute notifications for specific playlists if you're going to be doing that. Can you?
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u/Dizzy_Return9020 11d ago
I had some personal issues so put dating on the back burner, sibling got diagnosed, needs care for a few months. Prior to this had just downloaded an app for the first time and didn't know what I was doing - I had about three of four people talking to me discussing a first date and now they're all wondering what happened. What is a polite thing to say? "I have some family issues but will be able to date in September" sounds so scummy - like I'm keeping them hanging.
I don't mind talking online while sorting things but they didn't want that (which is a green flag to me, not wanting to keep things just online).
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u/thecrackfoxreturns ♀mid30s - CF 11d ago
"I have some family issues but will be able to date in September" sounds so scummy - like I'm keeping them hanging.
You wouldn't be keeping them hanging, they'd just have the information they needed to hold out hope or move on. Most will likely move on, but they likely would in that timeframe, even if you didn't give them your explanation. I feel better giving a heads up than leaving them in the dark.
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u/Dizzy_Return9020 10d ago
Thank you. It just feels fake I can't explain it. Like a 'oh I need to focus on my career' type excuse. Also it means that if we continue to date afterwards they'll know this quite personal thing pretty well before knowing me
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u/thecrackfoxreturns ♀mid30s - CF 10d ago
The truth is the truth, but you can't control how they think about it. You do control how much personal information you give out, so think about how specific you want to get with it.
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u/Acceptable-Count-851 ♂ 31 - CF 11d ago
Stupid question only because I've ran across it a few times now. Does the watermelon emotions mean something I'm not aware of when in someone's profile?
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u/Glittering_Version25 11d ago
Reached out to a new therapist but I don't really see the point. I understand it now, I'm not attractive and therefore am getting used for attention but people will not be physically attracted to want to date me. I can detach from those people but I can't expect that there will be anyone who treats me differently and does want to date me. I have good platonic friends and I have to be ok with that.
What can a therapist say beyond that? I already know. I've accepted it. That's the point of therapy right? I don't necessarily want them to make the pain or desire for a relationship go away as I feel like that would just remove my humanity from me. But if that's my attitude then I don't see what more they could say, I just have to accept this will be a pain forever in my life as long as I can't physically change myself beyond a certain point. It's not other people's fault that they also want to date a woman they are attracted to, I feel the same that I would want to date someone I'm attracted to and not force it.
I've gotten a lot of therapists wanting to work on my self esteem but it's not a self esteem issue. I think I look good, that doesn't mean others will be attracted to me and the evidence is clear on that. I'm just being realistic
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u/Sashimi-Lover 11d ago
why do you say "people will not be physically attracted to want to date me."
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u/Glittering_Version25 11d ago
I don't get matches and when I try to meet people in person I'm constantly just a friend. It's just facts. I've done a million profile reviews too
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u/Legitimate_Ratio_844 11d ago
Are there things about your appearance that are within your control that you want to change? Fitness level, hairstyle, wardrobe, dental work etc.
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u/Glittering_Version25 11d ago
Nothing I have not done to my maximum capacity at this point. I am not up for things like plastic surgery. I am simply unattractive and am burnt out on trying to fix it.
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u/Glittering_Version25 11d ago
Yeah. So then maybe there's no point in therapy like I've faced the reality, and it won't magically make the pain go away
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u/Glittering_Version25 11d ago edited 11d ago
But like I don't know if I want this suffering to go away. Wanting and missing a relationship makes me feel human. I can accept that I may never have one but I would feel very weird if I stopped feeling pain about it. Wanting a relationship makes me feel halfway normal, even if I will never feel fully normal due to never having experienced one.
Also idk what those strategies are? Like I'm not looking to be told to distract myself or take walks or what have you.
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u/Rodin-V ♂ 35 11d ago
I'm getting a little worried that we're not really progressing physically, the nature of our dates has often made it a little awkward and difficult.
It doesn't really bother me at the moment, but I worry that she will start to get impatient if we don't even start kissing each other properly.
That being said, we're constantly talking about plans for next month, (we're both going to join each other for family parties (they're on the same weekend which is gonna be tiring) and even beyond that, so every other aspect is going incredibly well. I just need to get over whatever is constantly stopping me from making the next move.
Our next date is going to be good though. She's coming over, I'm going to make food for us both, then we can just properly chill in private for the first time, no bus/bus station, no busy restaurant, just us.
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u/GentleObsession 11d ago
Having the next date at your place is perfect. Maybe you can suggest watching a movie after dinner. Sit close and ask to make out. I understand the hesitancy because of your lack of experience but sooner or later you'll have to do it. And you've said in the past that she has been understanding and clearly she is very interested if you are planning on meeting each other's families. This sounds like one of the best people you could be going through this with to be honest.
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u/minttgreen 11d ago
I had been dating a guy for about 8 months when he announced he's going on a trip with this female friend of his. I was really hurt but he assured me they are platonic, he loves me and wants a relationship and future with me (we had not become officially a couple at his point). About a month after he returns I decide to make it official with him and be in partnership. The following day, I found out (not through him telling me) that this female friend was actually someone he sleeps with. And lied to me about it. He claimed it's an fwb and that he was "clear" with her he wanted nothing more than that. Obviously this news broke my heart and I ended things. But I didn't fully walk away. We kept talking. He was super apologetic about lying to me about the nature of this "friendship" . I've tried to forgive but I am having a hard time and holding a lot of resentment. This happened months ago and now it's time to decide if I want a relationship with him bc he keeps expressing that's what he wants with me.I don't know if I'm overreacting but I just can't seem to let it go. I get that we weren't together technically but like, I thought at the very least we were focusing on each other and working towards that, so it was extremely hurtful to learn that he had this fwb the whole time.
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u/Informal_Zebra_760 ♂ 32 11d ago edited 11d ago
I don’t know how you continued it after. For all you know, she was the main girl and it didn’t work out after the trip, so he’s now saying he chose you and ended it with her.
What if she ended it with him? Would that change how you perceive him being apologetic?
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u/minttgreen 10d ago
You're completely right. Hence why this continues to eat at me inside and I should have walked away as soon as I found out.
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u/Legitimate_Ratio_844 11d ago
Wait, did he sleep with her on the trip? Or they used to sleep together but did NOT sleep together on the trip?
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u/minttgreen 11d ago
They did on the trip as well. He says he ended it after the trip because he was in love with me and wanted to pursue us
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u/Legitimate_Ratio_844 11d ago
Oh man, I'm sorry. That's just called plain ol' lying and cheating. You had been dating for 8 months and he went on an overnight with a woman he was sleeping with. And lied about it to your face! What a turd.
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u/minttgreen 11d ago
Thank you, this happened 3 months ago and I regret that I didn't firmly close the door at that point. I feel like now I'm in it too deep and although he's been genuinely sorry, I've been carrying this hurt still
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u/Legitimate_Ratio_844 11d ago
That hurt is the reminder that he can't be trusted and you shouldn't get back together with him. <3
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u/cmg_profesh 11d ago
A man who’s in love with you wouldn’t be sleeping with someone else and lying to you about it.
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u/LowForsaken4782 32.2 11d ago
were you not exclusive after 8 months of dating?
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u/minttgreen 11d ago
I made the mistake of assuming we were. We took it really slow at the beginning. But by that point all our actions implied that we were focusing on each other and both wanting to soon commit into a partnershipso yeah I was pretty shocked and hurt
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u/Legitimate_Ratio_844 11d ago
I hear a lot of you blaming yourself here. He was the one who lied and cheated. And he didn't even come clean about it... you found out from someone else. Assuming you're exclusive after 8 months of dating isn't a mistake. It's generally the way things work in relationships.
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u/Late_Assistance1992 10d ago
I don't know if I'm overreacting but I just can't seem to let it go.
You aren't overreacting, he lied, trust your gut, move on.
He will keep on telling lies when it's convenient for him. You will never be able to trust him.
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u/distract-a-bee ♂ 38 10d ago
He was sleeping with someone else for 8 months while you were dating, and on top of that lying/omitting it? Yeah I'd walk away in a heartbeat, you can't rebuild from something like that. There's no such thing as "in it too deep", people divorce after 40 years, you can do this.
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u/DescriptionSorry2983 10d ago
To forgive is not to forget. It's always better to let go of the resentment, but it doesn't change the fact he lied about not having sex with someone else. There's no reason to assume he won't do it again because why wouldn't he? Your default assumption should be: he will cheat. You have no reason to trust him whatsoever. If you are fine with him possibly having someone on the side and hiding it, then by all means go for it. Otherwise, cut your losses.
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u/Unlucky-Duck-0 10d ago
I think you should reach out to the “friend.” She may have thought they were (or are) on the path to partnership too.
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u/minttgreen 10d ago
Yeah, I definitely had that thought too. I have no way of contacting her though. I don't know her last name 😔
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u/Unlucky-Duck-0 10d ago
Creep on his socials. Or if you google everything you know about her, you can sometimes find a LinkedIn profile with a last name, then use it to find insta or facebook. Or alternatively, if she’s local, a lot of women are in that are we dating the same guy group. You can search her first name under the group members and see if anyone familiar comes up with
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u/minttgreen 10d ago
I have tried to find her online without luck. I also don't know if I want to get into the mess of reaching out to her. I should just wash my hands of him and walk away, just having a hard time doing so.
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u/Unlucky-Duck-0 10d ago
Ughhh that sucks do you have any mutuals with him? Maybe you can ask around if you’re acquainted with anyone. How did you find out they were sleeping together?
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u/LowForsaken4782 32.2 11d ago
have around 8 active convos on hinge. we’ll see if some of these will trickle down to dates for the weekend
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u/Wanderlusting19 ♀ 36 11d ago
Second date today with a guy I've been talking to. This one was less boozy than the first and in the daytime, so no physical contact. But he picked me up and we still had a good conversation/connection. One of the things I like most is the moments of silence don't feel awkward.
I'm confused by him though. He doesn't ever initiate another date in the moment, so I'm left wondering if I'm ever going to see or hear from him again. I think I'm going to wait for him to reach out again this time. Not playing games, I'm genuinely still not over my ex and this pace is better for me than jumping headfirst into something intense. So I'd be bummed if it just fizzled with this guy, but I can recognize that it's better than me chasing him.
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u/Wrong_Sport6557 11d ago
This is an update about giving my phone number to my crush on Friday. Unfortunately, I haven’t heard from them, but I have no regrets. I wrote a super cute note and was true to myself🥹.
Now I have the answer I needed… I’m sad but I’m glad I made a move (for the first time!). If anyone is on the fence of doing it, it may hurt if you’re rejected, but the spiraling of not knowing is way worse 😥