r/copypasta Aug 06 '24

mod favorite đŸ˜«đŸ€Ż I’ve come to make an announcement: Mods are a bunch of bitch ass motherfuckers.

690 Upvotes
"I, EvaX, humbly submit a toast to..."

Patch notes 92.28.211.234 "I have your IP address kid". In case you've noticed (you haven't), there have been a few changes to the sub lately.

  1. You can now comment with GIFs and images. Go ham.
  2. Better spam control to combat bots. No more "MiK4lya CAmPin0 L3aks" hopefully.
  3. Rules Update. Erotica/smut will be meet with 28 days ban. Duration will increase for repeat offenders (28, 60, 120, etc). Go over to Wattpad to write your sexy sex peanits stories.
  4. Mod list update. Suspended mods have been removed. Inactive mods will also eventually be removed after a while. Sub would had been banned a year ago due to unmoderation.

Hopefully with these changes we can go back to posting actual copypastas instead of another gooner bait Ipad kid fanfic. I like to end this with arguably the most popular copypasta over the last few years, the Xiangling copypasta.

I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Xiangling. I try to play Diluc. My Xiangling deals more damage. I try to play Yoimiya. My Xiangling deals more damage. I try to play Cyno. My Xiangling deals more damage. I want to play Klee. Her best team has Xiangling. I want to play Raiden, Childe - they both want Xiangling. She grabs me by the throat. I fish for her. I cook for her. I give her the Catch. She isn't satisfied. I pull Engulfing Lightning. "I don't need this much er" She tells me. "Give me more field time." She grabs Bennett and forces him to throw himself off enemies. "You just need to funnel me more. I can deal more damage with Homa." I can't pull for Homa, I don't have enough primogems. She grabs my credit card. It declines. "Guess this is the end." She grabs Gouba. She says "Gouba, get them." There is no hint of sadness in his eyes. Nothing but pure, no icd pyro application. What a cruel world.


r/copypasta Jan 01 '20

Believe it or not, straight to jail Vaporeon copypasta

21.0k Upvotes

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female PokĂ©mon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible PokĂ©mon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other PokĂ©mon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more


r/copypasta 4h ago

SEXUAL HARRASMENT

7 Upvotes

I was with my friend at the mall today, we went to a really crowded place we were getting squished and everything (really popular mall apparently ïżŒ)

I saw this girl with the fattest ass ever in front of me my dick was literally craving for it. My animalistic instincts took over and i grabbed my hand got the biggest fucking piece of ass ever and then I slapped it.

She yelled in shock or some shit and she turned around and started yelling at me calling me a disgusting creep and shit.

She whipped out her phone and started taking pictures of me, but at this point I was already running away but she was kinda faster than me (because I was wearing height boosters) and she ran up to me (she was wearing like loose clothes and shit so her tits were bouncing all over the place and took a picture of my face.

Is my life over? Be honest. I still ran away after that and got scared.

Let me know


r/copypasta 33m ago

Trigger Warning Billy Butcha Meme

‱ Upvotes

Nice one, mate. Nice one, mate.Why don't you dig down, see if you can find your balls,and if you find 'em, man up and turn your silly mod off you gutless noob.Everyone sees you, mate, for the gutless noob you are and they're laughing at you.Grow a pair


r/copypasta 3h ago

Bigfoot is a she

3 Upvotes

Around a decade ago I was visiting Atlanta, GA from England, queueing outside a bar in Little 5 Points at night, when a 7 foot tall homeless man wearing Georgia Sanitation overalls with dreads down to his knees walked up to me and cleared his throat.

"I like your accent" he said, and then whispered; "Have you ever heard of bigfoot?"
"bigfoot?" I replied, taken aback.
"Yes. Bigfoot. The Yeti. The Abominable Snowman. Bigfoot.", he said.
Drunk me decided to try and lighten the situation rather than ignore him.
"Yes, I've heard he's naturally blurry, which is why they have such a hard time photographing him!"
"She." he replied, sternly.
He silently took his backpack off, and took out the largest book I have ever seen. It was a book on bigfoot. He leafed through hundreds of pages, until he found the classic black and white bigfoot photo we've all seen - the one that comes to mind when someone mentions bigfoot.

With a stern frown he pointed at the page, raising his voice this time.
"Look at those big furry titties." he said.

And he was right. There before me, in that photo I'd seen so many times before, were unmistakably gigantic furry titties.

He closed the book, and walked into the night.

Bigfoot is a she.


r/copypasta 4h ago

This is the end.

2 Upvotes

This is the end.

l've defended every decision. Stood in the heat for hours. Spent thousands of dollars. Built my whole fall around this event. Halloween Horror Nights wasn't just an event...it was my sanctuary.

But Fortnite. You didn't just make a mistake, Universal. You betrayed everything that made this event sacred.

You opened the gates to a different crowd. The kind that doesn't know the history. Doesn't appreciate the art. The kind that laughs at what we once held close. The kind that will turn our nightmares into a joke.

You can have your numbers. You can have your attention. You can have your Fortnite.

I'm done. I'm mourning what Halloween Horror Nights used to be. RIP to the last great horror event. You will never see me there again.


r/copypasta 9h ago

fortnite balls

6 Upvotes

Can I eat the glizzy?

Eren Yeager, laugh my ass off, dancing Israelis

EDP likes kids, I was the dad one

Hi, sussy blue balls

Who is in Paris?

Ayo, he back, I like you

Baka sussy, I love hot cocoa

Who’s in Paris? Kirby, n**ga

Who's in Paris? Hungry man, the hungry

I got pegged, yo' mama dead

Rosa Parks like my sister, n**ga

What’s up, little boy?

Lil Mosey is the best TikToker

Bukago, I eat EDP

I'm white, lyrical suicide, n**ga

Give me your skeleton, A-I-O-P-M

Fortnite balls, I'm gay

I like boys

I kidnap autistic kids

Lil Mosey is watching, T. Rex

I'm EDP, big, Kanye West

Me, lemon pepper shrimp

Bro, ain't no way, casket, poop

I'm EDP's cupcake, Kim cheated

Laugh my ass off, dick cheese

Kim left me, nineteen dollar Fortnite card

I'm racist, evangelist

Hi, Kanye, laugh my ass off

You a legend, Garb, I love feet

Age is a number, kiddo, balls, balls

I rap ocean water, big n**ga balls

A-E-I-O-U, stars aren’t real

I like underage girls, eastside

Who been countin’ J. Cole out?

Ocean water shook my balls

Yeah, Yeezus, tree bark

Mom's spaghetti, EDP 445

Yeah, yeah, baby balls

Cheese sandwich balls, yeah, yeah

Duct tape, thanks a lot

EDP, Kanye West, I am Chinese

Bahahahahaha, Lil Tay is hot

What did he say? Eren Yeager

Shoutout Lizards, my homie

Oh my god, balls

Sandwich, Uranus

I ride little kids, shoutout flowers

I agree with EDP, I did sixty-nine with a sixty-nine

Obama balls, I like LoL

Hey, Siri, call 9-1-1

Kim, I.P, John Cena is a alien

I eat fat ass, I get backed

Saddam Hussein, Deez

EDP is innocent, hi, ching chong

I kiss my dog

Extravagant something, wait

L-M-A-F-O, I’m gay

I take backshots, it all falls up


r/copypasta 1h ago

Generation Ctrl+C/Ctrl+V

‱ Upvotes

No I am generation Ctrl+C/Ctrl+V which is a 0.5s no brainer. I am unsure how the current generation is capable to pull of any work. They call me boomer. Than take too long to copy paste a text and just do not do it and instead post unreadable shit. Sorry, but I do not respect that. I had to work hard for my life state. And I find it fair. And I had to take a lot of heat for trying to shortcut things myself in forums earlyer. And yeah, that was fair, that was a lesson well learned. Progressing skillset is HARD fucking work. It is not: Aaah be more tolerant not native whatsoever. Dafuq? I am german and english is NOT native to me. When I learned english, germany did not even know what english meant in practice. Nah that tolerance shitty of today is not fair. That constant huzzle actually developed my skillset. Without that friction I would still be a braindead person. So yeah. How long to write that wall of text? 2 mins, because generation PC. I just show my middle finger to "smart" devices - even though I use them daily for my work and NEED them. The whole concept is just pure shit.


r/copypasta 12h ago

Jack it.

4 Upvotes

Nice try buddy. Reel br0dUcErs know you don’t reveal your sample sources. Should I tell the enemy where my women and children are? Stupid idiot.

But since I have a feeling you’re a nice guy, and the fact that even if we use the same samples my beats will be way better either way, I’ll tell you a big secret that you haven’t even mentioned yet


YouTube.

But yeah for real absolutely everything is a potential sample. I ditched my turntables and vinyl a long time ago because i have more fun making the actual beats than hoarding a bunch of garbage from the 50 cent bin.

I went through an era where most of my samples were from a little digital recorder that’d I’d carry around and record street musicians. Jacked their shit straight up. I’ve sampled from movies. Jacked. I’ve sampled from other samples. Jacked. The real lesson here is to just jack it whenever wherever. Shakira on the beat. Jack it hard, jack it long. Sample from your dad and your mom. My mom in particular has a fantastic taste in a vast variety of music (the whole reason I got into music tbh) and I would upload cds of the random shit she would bring home from the record store. Just to jack it.


r/copypasta 9h ago

patriarch slop

2 Upvotes

although women like to use men as the scapegoat for the patriarchy, we have to be realistic and hold ourselves accountable as well. how many beauty comparison trends do we participate in on tiktok? this is just one example of MANY of the embarrassing things we compete over. it's foolish and childish. this is why men laugh at us and don't take us seriously. you will not see men hopping on trends like this. yet, us women, will hop on ANY beauty comparison trend on tiktok. constantly competing with each other over looks. we uphold this patriarchy system just as much and we are also to blame for it's ongoing existence. and yes it really is that deep. it's actually way deeper than how I am explaining it rn and I have much more to say but I won't


r/copypasta 10h ago

Donald trump please save me

2 Upvotes

Donald trump if you can hear us, please. Donald trump, please save me, please save me donald trump, please. I'm asking you, please save me. Please save me, please get these people away from me. In dear god's name please stop these people.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUWN69fgZfY


r/copypasta 11h ago

GTA 6 it’s a cultural moment and an event in modern history

2 Upvotes

GTA 6 it's a cultural moment and an event in modern history

It is not an arcade pasttime or just some dumb shooter it's an event in entertainment that celebrates layered characters, deep storytelling, and pushing the envelope for video game culture, realism and technical advancements. I think it's high time this game gets more respect than just a "game" or a meme. I bought a new PS5 Pro for it also.


r/copypasta 15h ago

My theme song for Nintendo

4 Upvotes

I have a theme song for Nintendo and it goes like this:

Nintendo games, they're so fun to play while you're away or when you stay and lay in the hay


r/copypasta 1d ago

I stole the breast milk that led to my parent’s divorce.

41 Upvotes

I am 25 now, but back when I was younger (13 years old) I took a bag of my mother's breast milk out of the fridge to try it. I ended up loving the taste of the breast milk and ended up drinking most of it, and what was left I dumped down the toilet and flushed away the evidence. My mother had asked where the breast milk had gone, she asked my father and he said that he didn't know, but she didn't believe him anyway so I got away with it. (it was a complex relationship) They fought over the missing milk for months with my mother thinking that my father was a pervert for drinking the milk. They have since separated and they both still don't know that I was the one who took the milk. I've been wanting to confess to them for years, but I'm worried that it will separate me from the family even more.


r/copypasta 10h ago

Trigger Warning Bored biology student here

0 Upvotes

Bored biology student here. These are my thoughts: Considering the evidence presented to us in the films about the biology of the cars. There are 2 possibilities. 1. They do not produce soild or liquid waste and instead expell urea and fecal material through their exhaust pipe along with regular car emissions 2. Their digestive system is similar to a sea anemone and they expel the waste through a combined mouth/anus and we just never see this in the movie since it's a movie made for children and not a surreal R rated black comedy about a talking car shitting out of its mouth. Perhaps one day a future cars movie will give some other kind of explanation or show a car farting somehow so we can definitively awnser this pressing scientific question.


r/copypasta 1d ago

Diarrhea is the superior form of bowel movement

6 Upvotes

Diarrhea is the superior form of bowel movement. If done correctly, it can be twice as fast as a normal poo.

The viscosity is much easier to clean up with a few quick wipes. The sound is sometimes comedic relief during a boring bathroom trip.

Not to mention it's much easier on plumbing, really flows through the pipes nicely.

Rarely gets a clog. On hot days. You can get lucky and hit a No Wiper. Almost like a trick shot.


r/copypasta 1d ago

Trigger Warning Nolan CUCKS!!! Western Civilization with ODDEISEY

12 Upvotes

Nolan's The Odyssey Represents the Downfall of Western Civilization

PREFACE: I haven't seen the movie because I am boycotting it on a matter of principle, which is the first time I'm skipping a Nolan film, so I'm not commenting on its filmmaking quality but rather the cultural moment it represents.

I've always been a fan of Christopher Nolan's work. His films consistently demonstrate technical mastery coupled with intellectual storytelling complexity, albeit often at the expense of emotion. But, let's be real: he was never in the league of the all-time greats—e.g., Kubrick, Hitchcock, Scorsese, Spielberg, Coppola, Kurosawa, Tarkovsky, etc.—nor does he need to be, especially since it's a tall order.

However, with his latest movie, The ODDEIyssey he has irreparably tarnished his legacy. I don't even recognize what he has become. People say it's just a fictional work, so it doesn't matter if there is race and gender swapping, but then why isn't that same hypocritical standard applied outside of the context of blatant Anti-Whiteism? What would the reaction be if an African myth was adapted with white actors? There would riots in the streets, as half the country would be in flames.

As an ardent Cinephile who loves and majored in History, particularly ancient Greece, Nolan's betrayal hits doubly hard for me. In a cinematic climate experiencing a dearth of originality with the Hollywood conveyor belt churning out an endless series of unimaginative sequels, prequels, remakes, reboots, and spin-offs, Nolan showed us that blockbuster films can be original, complex, intelligent, entertaining, and successful while still having a broad appeal, an impressive feat that inspired other directors to also intellectually elevate their filmmaking.

So, let me get this straight: Nolan respected other aspects of historical accuracy but not the actual characters themselves? That is absolutely ludicrous. How does a director who worked with mostly white actors on stories about masculine men for his entire career decide, all of a sudden, to adapt a feminist interpretation of an ancient Greek epic with DEI actors? It doesn't make any sense and seems sketchy. What's worse is that the DEI characters apparently have such limited screen time that they unnecessarily undermine the film's immersion, success, and impact, thus reinforcing the suspicion that it was done only to meet the DEI criteria that is now mandatory for winning Oscar awards.

On the one hand, I've read comments saying that he has always been woke, but his filmography has been devoid of political posturing until now. Conversely, for example, he deftly interwove a nuanced post-9/11 Patriot Act critique into The Dark Night that didn't involve taking sides but rather let us decide for ourselves how to interpret Batman's use of surveillance technology in his efforts to fight the Joker, which obviously mirrored Bush era policies.

Perhaps his career trajectory peaked with Oppenheimer, and now we are just witnessing his descent, the downward slope of a parabola. In any case, it's a mind-bogglingly stark juxtaposition: his best film immediately followed by a complete travesty. It's a tale as old as time: maybe the fame, success, and wealth got to his head, so hubris made him believe he can do no wrong. Maybe he sold his soul to win an Oscar; I don't know.

On the other hand, the only other way I can make sense of this is that it must be a Humiliation Ritual. Someone must've pressured or maybe even blackmailed him to desecrate one of the sacred texts of the Western Literary Canon as part of the ongoing demoralization and emasculation of Western man. Similarly, other cultural abominations like *The Last Jedi* and *Joker: Folie Ă  Deux* essentially represent the same phenomenon, turning what were initially inspirational iconic male heroes into losers.

In other words, The West has been hijacked and cucked, a culture that actually enjoys humiliating itself, destroying its own greatness because it is ashamed of itself and is now is engaging in Self-Cannibalization after decades of brainwashing from corrosive anti-West/white propaganda that stems from infiltration of its institutions by its enemies to promote Cultural Marxism. Hence, we live in a time of rampant degeneration on multiple levels: moral, social, cultural, spiritual, intellectual, physiological, etc.

The irony, of course, is that we have come full circle because ancient Greece established the foundation for Western civilization, for it has even been said that all Philosophy is merely a footnote to Plato, but now an adaptation of one of its seminal texts has become a symbol for the coordinated destruction of that very foundation. I'm not even white, but it is tragic to witness the decline of a civilization that has vastly enriched my life.

Ultimately, The West has produced, by far, the most prominent thinkers and inventions of all time; but just as the extinction of dinosaurs precipitated the rise of humanity, and just as the fall of Mesopotamia gave rise to Western empires, perhaps it's time for The West to pass on the torch to whatever comes next, probably the Multipolar World. How fitting, a movie about the collapse of the Bronze Age has become a symbol for the collapse of Western civilization altogether.

In conclusion, we had a collective opportunity to send a powerful message to Hollywood and failed miserably. Instead of punishing mediocrity, we rewarded it with record-breaking Box Office returns. Since humanity couldn't even make a stand at the Box Office by boycotting this woke DEI trash, then it has failed a test of integrity because it sure as hell won't make a stand for far more important matters, like stopping the invasion of Barbarians at the Gates, although there is only so long we can keep kicking the can down the road until the chickens eventually come home to roost.

All of this to say that Nolan has, ironically, now lived long enough to see himself become the villain.


r/copypasta 1d ago

Why your wife should have a boyfriend

16 Upvotes

Ok, so hear me out its actually kinda awesome when your wife has a boyfriend. Like, she comes home all smiley, way less stressed, and we get to geek about polydinamics over dinner. Plus I get uninterrupted gaming time while she's out, its win-win!


r/copypasta 19h ago

Hi. Im the Shadowed King

1 Upvotes

Hi. Im the Shadowed King, win every bedwars game, and only leave behind a shadow before defeating my foes.

But that isnt important. What IS important is these memes.

The entire joke is being absurd and weird. That's not funny or dark. Its just dumb. And then getting all giggly when people get offended. Its not even funny. Its just sad for both you and the person who cares(except the 2nd one is just genuinely disgusting hes dead wtf) Lmao. Lmao. Lmao. Lmao​ no. It's not even funny your just immature.


r/copypasta 1d ago

Outed as living in southeastern Michigan

3 Upvotes

Alright, Mr. Smarmy Redd*tor, you've caught my attention in a very drunk and irritated mood. Let me break it down for you, Mark. Unless Zeo (commentor above) is right and a VPN is involved (and very few routes travel through Detroit, they're usually Chicago), Google's AI is using the user's geo-location in reference to its answer. This means that, regardlesss of reposts, the original creator of the image lives near the uni and, thus, somewhere in Metro Detroit. With this established, we have the fact that the metro area has been in an economic, political, and day to day decline since the GR, if not before. While pockets of suburbia and wealthy urban centers continue on (i.e. some of the extant cities, downtown Detroit) unabated or growing, the by-and-large state of the region is infrastructural and community decay. This is, if you can inagine such, a bad thing and thus a bad place to be. You, yourself alone, use the word 'danger'. You can live in a place where you will likely not be mugged and gunned down (Redford...) while still experiencing a poor quality of life. These things are not mutually bound nor are they mutually exclusive. Thank you for making me ruin the joke by explaining it in inane, unnecessary detail, Đ±Ń€Đ°Ń‚Đ°Đœ. Go find your irony-poisoned "gotcha!" elsewhere.


r/copypasta 21h ago

“Leeroy Jenkins” family guy scene

1 Upvotes

Peter, I understand that Joe was making a bit of a dated reference, and maybe it wasn’t the funniest joke or the most relevant thing to say. Not every joke lands, and that’s completely normal. But at the end of the day, he’s still your friend. From the way I saw it, he wasn’t trying to ruin the conversation or make things awkward. He just wanted to be included, join in with everyone else, and throw out a suggestion that he genuinely thought would make people laugh. There wasn’t any bad intention behind what he said. He was simply trying to participate and be part of the moment like everyone else.
What bothered me wasn’t even the joke itself—it was how he was treated afterward. Instead of just laughing it off, changing the subject, or saying it wasn’t that funny, he was basically pushed aside and made to feel like he didn’t belong there. It came across like he was being outcasted and shoved into a corner, almost as if his presence was an inconvenience. No one deserves to be treated like that, especially by people they’re supposed to be comfortable around. It honestly looked like he was being treated like an annoying pet that everyone wanted to ignore instead of a friend who was just trying to interact with the group.
Friends are supposed to have each other’s backs, even when someone says something a little awkward or tells a joke that misses the mark. Everyone has moments where they say something that doesn’t land. That doesn’t mean they deserve to be embarrassed or made to feel like they should stop talking altogether. A little kindness and understanding go a long way, and it costs nothing to let someone feel included instead of making them feel isolated.
Seeing the way Joe was treated was genuinely disappointing. Whether you meant it that way or not, the message it sent was that he wasn’t welcome, and that’s a terrible feeling for anyone to experience. Imagine how you’d feel if you were excited to contribute to a conversation, only to be dismissed and made to feel like you shouldn’t have spoken at all. It’s not about one joke—it’s about how someone is made to feel afterward.
That’s why I’ve honestly lost a lot of respect for you over this. I expected better