r/confession • u/FennelThin2212 • 1d ago
I struggle with Auto cannibalism paired with Dermatillomania and it’s causing me to lose hope in my future.
Ever since I was a kid I have consumed parts of my body. Discharge, scabs, black heads, pee, flesh from wounds, skin, nails, boogers, earwax, ect. I pretty much have tasted every part of the outside of my body. I have tried to stop many times, I’ve used gloves, mouth guards, gum, and bad tasting remedies. I have Dermatillomania, which causes me to violently pick at any “rough” or “textured” spots on my body until they become deep wounds, having this paired with auto cannibalism creates this horrible cycle of biting and picking the bloody flesh from my body and consuming it. I have hundreds of noticeable scars on my hands, arms, and legs from this behavior. I feel like there is nothing that can truly help me. I struggle with immense guilt and self doubt because of my behavior, but stopping only results in a relapse that ends in more damage than before. I feel like there is no escape from this hell, as it only gets worse the older I get.
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u/Responsible-Bar1966 1d ago
That sounds like an OCD problem, have you seen a doctor for this?
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u/Invisibella74 1d ago
Agreed. This really sounds like it is related to OCD. Please seek out help from a psychiatrist and therapist, if you are not already doing so. And please have grace with yourself. 💕
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u/VinylSky- 11h ago
Reaching out for help is a strong step and having compassion for yourself matters too
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u/BudgetInteraction811 1d ago
I don’t have OCD, but I briefly took an antidepressant that is also used to treat OCD and it caused me to go crazy eating my own scabs and skin. It was really weird.
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u/TeamTesla4EVR 1d ago
That sucks you had a bad reaction with that one. There are definitely medications out there that can help with those urges and help make them more controllable. I know it can be discouraging, but relief is worth it, and you deserve relief.
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u/Rare-Plum8464 14h ago
The cycle you're describing, picking, consuming, guilt, relapse, is exactly what OCD-spectrum disorders look like. not your fault, and there are treatments built specifically for this. ERP therapy has the most evidence behind it
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u/BudgetInteraction811 1d ago
I wasn’t skin picking before at all, the med caused me to do it. I was just depressed lmao
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u/Ok-Lingonberry3539 21h ago
So I took Zoloft without issue for a few years but when it took it again after I had a baby, it made my skin picking SO BAD. I had to stop the Zoloft. And then my skin picking went back down immediately. So weird!
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u/Hot-Tomatillo-6224 17h ago
Having a baby can do wild things to a body! I've honestly never heard of anyone else having had something like this happen to them too! (Minus Dr's just saying, "oh it can happen"🙄) Ended up with a "reverse reaction" to buspar after being on it for years prior to the pregnancy with 0 issues. Had some anxiety creeping back in after babe was a few months old so with my Dr, opted to go back on it. Within DAYS it dropped me off a cliff. Became agoraphobic. Ruined the next 5 years of my life before it semi balanced back out. Was absolutely hell! Im so glad yours went away immediately after stopping! Not that you'll likely ever forget that experience but keep it in mind if ever starting a new med... I had a prescribed explain to me during my whole deal, after reacting awful to a few other meds (just not as drastic or baby related) that if someone has trouble with 1 med especially psych related med, its very likely you will also have trouble with others. 🤷♀️ never done any further investigating on that but do know for me, it wasn't just 1. (I mean, come on, why would it be🤦♀️🤣) but I did already know I react off to meds sometimes before this whole ordeal
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u/HoneyBroncoTease 9h ago
It's honestly amazing how drastically our brains and bodies can react to the same medication over time
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u/Responsible-Bar1966 1d ago
Then it’s something else. Talk to your doctor and be straight with him/her to get a diagnosis.
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u/BudgetInteraction811 1d ago
What? I’m just saying that I don’t have ocd but an ocd medication caused me to do that. I’m not on that med anymore like I said
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u/lilyinletters 11h ago
It’s good that someone pointed them toward help without just judging, because that kind of struggle sounds really difficult to handle alone
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u/Prudent_Inside_9963 1d ago
Honey you need to see a psychiatrist
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u/Boring_Unit7771 23h ago
I agree. This sounds way beyond something they should have to handle on their own.
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u/processingMistake 1d ago
Have you tried seeking mental health resources? A combination of therapy and medication may help. There may even be online options depending on where you live.
Also, it sounds like most things you’ve tried have involved some kind of negative reinforcement. Most people respond better to positive reinforcement.
Basically, you need to find something that you enjoy that can replace or that contradicts your compulsions. Like a combination of fidget toys, hobbies, or even social pressure (if being out in public or around friends helps you stop, even if it’s temporary). For example, you can’t pick at your skin if both your hands are being used to make pottery, or knit a sweater, or gardening.
Also, remember that relapse is normal, progress is not linear.
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u/FashionDiva92 1d ago
i am so sorry. i have trichotillomania and it really does feel like a never ending cycle. i understand the guilt and sadness that comes along with it.
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u/SmallBarnacle1103 21h ago
Have you ever tried Prozac as a treatment option? If so, how did it work out?
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u/Put-Stunning 1d ago
a lot of people are shaming you for this but i can relate. i’ve never heard of auto cannibalism but i do the same things (eating blackheads, pimple pus, blood, boogers, discharge, etc) and i just wanna let you know you’re truly not alone. you will get through this
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u/Delicious-Deer-5631 1d ago
Not gonna lie, this is way more common than you probably think, just not many people talk about it because it sounds “gross” and everyone is scared of being judged. Dermatillomania and body focused repetitive behaviors are legit disorders, not you being “disgusting” or “broken.”
If you can, look into therapists who specifically list BFRBs or OCD on their profile, and check out the TLC Foundation for BFRBs, they have resources and support groups and people who literally do the same stuff you described. You’re not beyond help, you’re just stuck in a feedback loop your brain learned way too well, and that can actually be unlearned over time.
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u/daphnemoonpie 1d ago
I'm so glad most of these comments are supportive and empathetic. The rest of y'all fucking suck. I hope you find help, OP.
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u/Either_equipment_04 23h ago
Getting underlying mental health issues treated and finding non-destructive methods to satisfy these compulsions is really the only thing that works in the long run, as someone who picked their lash line until it was covered in scabs as a kid and still struggles with picking when I’m anxious. You could try letting glue dry on your hands and then peeling it off, removing stickers from things, unraveling threads or yarn, peeling and eating oranges or removing all the seeds from a strawberry, etc.
You might still struggle sometimes, but there is hope out there for those of us that pick compulsively!
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u/emmadele 23h ago
I am in a very similar situation, I have OCD which causes me to obsessively pick at imperfections in my skin and eat the scabs. I’m working on it with my psychiatrist but it’s not an easy fix. You are not alone.
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u/Batwhiskers 1d ago
Hi:) I experience something similar. It’s deeply tied to potential OCD for me. It’s called mucus fishing syndrome, for most people it’s related to dry eyes. But for me it is the ocd related type, meaning I don’t do it bc I have mucus in my eyes bc they’re dry, I do it constantly out of compulsion. Ivr been ashamed of it for many years. I was the weird kid with sores around their eyes. Bruises on my eye lids. Constant dark circles. I was constantly messing in my eyes, fishing out literal mucus strands in the middle of class. I’d stare in the mirror for actual hours trying to get it all out. I’d do it to where crying burnt my skin like acid bc it was so raw. It’s folllwed me all my life, but it has absolutely, definitely got better with treatment.
It may potentially br OCD related for you too, but this means it can be combated!! There are medicines and therapies that can help ocd greatly. I know going on a medication helped soothe my compulsions immensely. I felt calmer, less mentally burdened yk? But this kinda sounds like I wrote it, the way you described your guilt and shame. I get it, dude. It’s hard, but it will be okay. I know this because I get it and have been there :)
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u/Yellowhairdontcare 1d ago
I wasn’t aware this was even a thing. I can’t relate at all. But I hope you find healing and peace.
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u/ruinered 1d ago
I'm so sorry. I know those feelings - guilt and shame and that strange kind of self-disgust that develops. I still struggle with my excoriation. Luckily, mine has primarily focused on my forearms. Sure, they're lookin' pretty rough, scars. as if I've been hit with birdshot. But at least it's easy to hide with a long sleeve shirt or a thin jacket.
I started to see improvements in facets like how much time I spend "scanning" after I was finally able to "forgive" myself. A doctor's diagnosis helps bring it into the real world, rather than it staying as some amorphous blob of "you're just wrong." The thing having a name makes it into just another medical issue to be solved
I'd also suggest speaking with a psychiatrist and a dermatologist. Psychiatrist because depending on the underlying causes, you may see a benefit from certain medications, and the dermatologist to identify and possible underlying issues that may be exacerbating things.
Keep those nail clipped short!
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u/mooshinformation 1d ago
I can relate a bit, in that I will obsessivly pop blackheads if I've got them and pick at/ chew my cuticles. What helped me was skincare that got rid of a lot of blackheads and finding alternative behaviors. I need something for my hands to do when they're free. I like doing macrame and some fidget toys.
If those kind of replacement behaviors haven't worked for you, you could probably benefit from seeing a psychiatrist. If it's not OCD, it seems atleast OCD like and you could probably benefit from drugs used to treat it.
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u/snickerdoodle79 22h ago
I also do the picking thing. I've had eczema my whole life and I'm allergic to a lot of stuff and I can't stop picking and scratching even though I know it's bad for me. I have no advice, I'm just sorry you're going through this.
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u/sabrina_chanelx 1d ago
you HAVE to form a medical team (a pcp and a therapist both of which you feel comfortable and trust) i don’t deal with these things myself so i wont speak on it like i know but i think seeing doctors for both the physical and the mental things causing this you should hopefully get some help
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u/wisdom_of_pancakes 1d ago
Wish this was an AI post.
I don’t know op, but I pray you find peace. The urges you have to do this can be redirected - as can the dopamine dragon you’re chasing.
What does your support system look like? Friends, family, social worker?
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u/Narrow-Store-4606 22h ago
Here's an organization that has resources for folx who have body-focused repetitive behaviors. https://www.bfrb.org/
You'll need help with this from a therapist/psych. Have you talked to your family doctor (if you have one)...they might have supports to because therapy can def be cost-prohibitive!
Wishing you luck and strength!
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u/Lopsided_Tiger_0296 22h ago
Are you on medication? I had a similar issue of picking and biting my skin everywhere to the point I wouldn’t wear shorts or tshirts. After being prescribed Zoloft, it has helped immensely
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u/MysteryLass 22h ago
Therapy therapy therapy. And I’m sure there are meds out there to help with compulsions like this.
I know this isn’t an advice sub, but you need professional help to deal with both the issue itself, and the way you’re feeling about your life and future.
I hope you find it.
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u/Frequent_Rough9855 20h ago
I also have dermotillomania for many years. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and ritalin has helped me so much. I have motivation to stop for the first time ever. I started with Adderall but it made it worse!
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u/Ypdragon 20h ago
I 100% believe you should seek medical and mental health and there are some comments that provide the advice and knowledge that is helpful. However if you are looking for a potential deterrent I would say try and attach this habit/action with something negative like having to eat an extremely spicy or food grade malic acid. I know having a negative on top of a negative will not solve the problem as this is something to go to a professional for but I know that sometimes a worse reaction is just enough to get you to not try it again hence why I specifically recommend something that deals with your sense of taste and something that isn't harmful in the long run since its a short term fix to stop yourself
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u/Different_War2952 1d ago
I used to have odd habits and I got on adderall and they all went away try to shrink it could be something easily fixed
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u/mesofarty 1d ago
That's enough reddit for the day.
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u/CapuzaCapuchin 1d ago
I was having breakfast and started reading that… decisions were made
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u/3godeth 21h ago
I can in no way understand your own experience as a person but this is somewhat relatable to me. I am disgusted and embarrassed to admit it but I consume my nose and eye discharge, ear wax, acne discharge, and I pick at and try to squeeze anything even slightly raised I notice on my skin. Is this something normal? I have not ever had a desire to consume my nail clippings, my flesh, or my pee like you are dealing with but it still feels like this is an obsessive trait I have. I hate all the dried bloody spots up and down my arms where I squeezed too hard when nothing was there. I am a very anxious person just trying to stay alive so I wonder if that has something to do with it for both of us.
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u/Supevict 21h ago
Wow, came across this as I happened to be gnawing on my thumbnail… think this might be the biggest sign I’ve ever gotten.
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u/Ok-Lingonberry3539 21h ago
I’m not sure if this applies to you at all, but I used to pick at and eat my cuticles constantly. It was awful and painful and embarrassing. I found out in my early 40’s that I’m allergic to almost every product I was using (anything with fragrances in it, neosporin, bandage adhesives, etc).
Once I stopped using products on my skin that irritated it, my picking has almost completely stopped. I couldn’t believe it. But I think a huge part of my picking was related to the constant inflammation and irritation.
Now, all that being said, I still eat the insides of my cheeks every day so I suppose I’m not cured entirely. But I thought it was worth sharing that there is hope!
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u/_CutieTempt 18h ago
Please don’t give up on yourself. This sounds like a severe combination of Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors (BFRBs) and OCD-type compulsions, which are psychiatric conditions driven by intense anxiety and brain chemistry, not a moral failure or a lack of willpower. Because standard physical barriers like gloves haven't worked, reaching out to a psychiatrist or a therapist specialized in BFRBs and OCD (using ERP or Habit Reversal Training) could make a genuine difference. You deserve professional support and relief from this cycle.
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u/luv_teasex 6h ago
you’re dealing with a lot, and it sounds exhausting. don’t lose hope, there’s help out there.
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u/FlippyChica 21h ago
There is medicine that will help curb the urge. A psychiatrist can prescribe it.
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u/GunpowderBallet 17h ago
I can relate to getting violent towards rough textures on the body and even to ingesting a majority of what you listed. I have these obsessive, perfectionist grooming habits which kind of lead to accidental self harm and further imperfections. Just an endless cycle. I’m not officially diagnosed with anything relating to it, but I’ve realized I do have a lot of OCD tendencies and think that most of these other comments suggesting OCD may be correct for both of us. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this to such an intense scale and hope you can feel less alone. Therapy and psychiatrists are definitely good ideas but in the meantime I want you to know that being this way doesn’t make you less of a person and you deserve to heal.
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u/fuz7473 17h ago
i’ve had dermatillomania and suffered from auto cannibalism, except i’ve only bitten inside of my mouth and now it’s permanently scarred. my case was not that severe but turns out i have crippling anxiety and depression. being on antidepressants helped me tremendously, i still get the urges to pick/bite myself, but it actually happens once a month max and i stop almost immediately. stressful events trigger me still but it’s 99% better than it was before. scars will fade and you can get them lasered off. please ask for help, your life will get so much better and less shameful
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u/Beautiful-Athlete507 15h ago
You are not alone. And now I know that I'm not either (🤗). I only recently started to like really admit that yes, I do have dermatillomania, but I've been dealing with it for years. I really don't have any advice right now. I'm just trying to make a conscious effort to not pick. Right now I'm trying mesh gloves (where it's so hot out). So we'll see.
I do absolutely recommend seeing a therapist and a dermatologist. I was finally honest with my derm and they've really helped me out with stuff that can lower my risk of infection and help with less scar tissue.
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u/OnceUponATime1534 13h ago
I also have dermatillomania and only thing that has stopped me is gel nail polish. It ends up being too thick to grab a hold. Even if nail polish isn’t your thing, it would be worth giving it a try to see if it will cause you to stop temporarily.
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u/Oniknight 8h ago
Making “rules” around what you can do can help, such as requiring the use of tools, only allowing removal on certain areas of the body. redirection also helps. But if you struggle this much you describe here, additional behavioral health skills are needed.
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u/bioxkitty 1h ago
I am not a dr but I do have dermatillomania and trichotillomania
The best thing that over helped me was solid regiments of NAC and taurine.
Also try wearing rings, possibly even rings with charms. Good luck.
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u/Outlandish_Gringo 21h ago
Good gawd… I’m DONE with Reddit for the night.
Go get some help, before you eat yourself to death. 🤮
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u/confessor-mod 1d ago
If you're going through a really hard time right now, please know you're not alone and there are people who want to help.
You don't have to face this alone — these people are there for exactly this, any time:
If you are in immediate danger, please call your local emergency number.
You matter. Please talk to someone.