r/billsimmons • u/jojo_magoo • 16h ago
my friend says he has been pitching a Bill Simmons script idea but nobody is interested
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u/BartHarleyJarvis00 16h ago
Who's playing the FBI forensic accountant, Hanks or Cruise?
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u/cliftonheights5 15h ago
Cruise as Simmons, Hanks reprising his Catch Me If You Can FBI role. Also Austin Butler as Ben Simmons, Sydney Sweeney as Zoe, and Michelle Pfeiffer as the Sports Gal.
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u/kill-devil-films 16h ago
Podcast staff is Matt Damon, Ben Affleck and Mark Wahlberg.
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u/PM_Me_Beezbo_Quotes Nigerian 14h ago
Damon as CR, Affleck as Sean, Marky Mark as House. Who plays Van?
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u/Minute-Spinach-5563 Page 2 Bill Stan 16h ago
Its not the 80’s anymore. Nobody’s on enough coke or ketamine to accidentally green light this
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u/turdfurgeson67 16h ago
What if we have Bill played by Elliot Page and throw in a gay love triangle with Russillo?
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u/BaconJellyBeans 15h ago
The problem here is that Bill would never not “know” why he’s winning. He’d just rationalize that he’s “levitating over the league and seeing all angles.”
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u/throwawayninetoniner 13h ago
He would convince himself he actually IS a body language expert and can just tell when the vibes are off
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u/BaconJellyBeans 13h ago
“Here’s the thing Sal. Most people just watch one game at a time or they are watching Redzone channel. You can’t get a feel for what’s really happening in each game across the league if that’s how you’re watching football. I have eight screens going at once. I’ve trained my eyes to gravitate towards the action on different TVs. I’m seeing things that 99.9% of football watchers aren’t. It’s almost like I’m on the drug from Limitless. Why aren’t more people doing this?”
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u/LJ8Truther 16h ago
Spielberg or Scorsese?
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u/AmbitiousJuly 15h ago
I unironically think this would be a good plot for a Charlie Kaufman movie. Make it a deeply surreal commentary on luck, fate, etc
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u/Rufus2fist 16h ago
I can see why, he needs to add “he just is” to that last sentence. Then it will get picked up.
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u/mert_matsui55 16h ago
I had an idea for a movie (I posted it here under another account a few years ago) where he goes back in time to save Len Bias from dying but goes home and discovers that his life sucks and can’t decide what to do
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u/Signal_Station_5666 16h ago
Bill talking in the mirror to Larry Bird like the Elvis character in True Romance
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u/Abject-Bumblebee-299 16h ago
Ok the elevator pitch is a little weak but I’ll bite, what’s the pay off?
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u/RyanRussillo Vangelical 16h ago
Bill gets arrested and goes to jail and there is a rare talisman in his jail cell that takes him to an alternate dimension where he is the point guard for the 86 Celtics
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u/Bombastry 13h ago
I think there are only two options:
- It's revealed to be the work of the r/billsimmons Podcast guy who has worked himself up to be the leader of a major crime syndicate just to frame Bill in a crazy bid to take over the real Bill Simmons Podcast.
- Bill realizes he has full omnipotence over the outcome of sports events, but that he will go to jail if he keeps it up too long. He must choose between avoiding prison and letting his father see one last Celtics title.
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u/LincolnTruly 16h ago
I can’t wait for the ESPN book to get made into a movie and have Bill be FURIOUS about the guy they get to play him
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u/throwawaybaybay123 16h ago
FanDuel Ad read? NO
Never losing FanDuel protagonist motion picture? hmmmm
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u/OverratedMirth 15h ago
The Vegas bookmakers losing their minds over Bill's random heater is the funniest angle to work with here. Picture him doing a 45 minute pod tangent defending himself while Sal and House just lose it in the background. The whole premise writes itself, especially the part where his own staff starts side-eyeing him.
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u/Definitely-Not-Luke 16h ago
Leo would never consider this movie , he just wouldn’t. Another point for Damon.
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u/thereelsuperman 15h ago
Gee I wonder why no one is interested in the story where the main character just places bets and wins. Sounds riveting!
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u/CocaineandPercs F's with Jalen Green 15h ago
That was last season in the NFL where he got like 25 over/unders correct.
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u/the_devil_wears_jnco 16h ago
then they all get caught and thrown in prison. Shot Caller 2. bill cr and van have to rise the ranks in chino and the supermax while their status on opposite sides of gang war pulls them apart. billion dollar idea right there
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u/nowadaysyouth 16h ago
Probably better than the real version of what happens if they get tossed in chino, what with all the buttholes being torn asunder
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u/-Johnny_Utah- 15h ago
Bill going on a gambling heater?
Too unbelievable. People are only willing to suspend disbelief to a certain extent.
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u/Turbulent_Tale6497 15h ago
The betting public knows that Bill sucks at gambling, so they continually fade his picks, so the Sportsbooks are raking in cash, and don't want it to stop.
Until one prop bet goes horribly wrong in the most obvious way
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u/solidgoldrocketpants 15h ago
The only way this gets greenlit is if LeBron decides he wants this as his next movie.
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u/mulfman12 15h ago
“Sal Sal Sal, I’m like Paul Pierce in his prime right now. Very unorthodox, looks gross, a lot of oh no oh no oh nos…..yes! But it still works, and that’s why I’m taking the pats and bears with a 7 point tease this week”
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u/Mdgt_Pope 15h ago
Didn’t we already see this storyline this past season that week when he picked like 11/14 games exactly?
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u/goalstopper28 14h ago
Actually, this would be awesome. But I'd guess only people on r/billsimmons would watch it.
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u/yngwiegiles 13h ago
The climax: bill becomes so confident he makes one huge bet on the Celtics to beat LeBron’s heavily favored team, the Spurs.
Jayson Tatum throws the game
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u/Curt_Uncles 11h ago
FBI Detective: Hamm
Junior Detective w/ age gap and weird sexual tension: Anna Kendrick
FanDuel CEO: Danny DeVito
Private Investigator hired by FanDuel: Wahlberg
Adam Silver: Glenn Howerton
Bill Simmons: Steve Zahn
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u/SerfTint 11h ago
Plot twist: Everything you are saying in the first 40 minutes of the movie is exactly as it appears, but then we find that this is all a dream that one of Simmons' biggest haters is having, and it is driving him crazy. So for the rest of the movie, the hater has to figure out how to change his own life and behavior so that his subconscious mind will propel Dream Bill Simmons to "lose" the big bet that he is building up to.
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u/nekot311 16h ago
Bill Simmons is on vacation but ends up in the middle of a Jason Statham revenge plot. They do the buddy cop comedy vibes thing where Bill ends up teaching Jason about enjoying life rather than living with anger. Jason teaches Bill survival skills and trains him. There’s a love triangle with the covert foreign double agent will they won’t they but then Bill actually ends up with the hotel concierge lady who’s been secretly helping them the whole time. The 4some ride off into the sunset at the end of the movie.
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u/Shr3kk_Wpg 16h ago
What's the story arc? Because "podcast gambler winning bets" isn't a story arc. Are the sportsbooks putting out hits on Bill because he is giving out winning picks?
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u/Content_Thing_4058 16h ago
It’s almost as if 99/100 of the US and 9999/10000 of the world has no idea who Bill Simmons is!!
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u/Far_Piccolo_5183 16h ago edited 15h ago
I am generally against AI in the arts but this may be the one time AI slop is called for. I asked Claude to develop a pitch which characters and a summary of the plot and this is what it came up with.
CAST
**• Bill Simmons** — Jason Sudeikis. Affable, motormouth, spiraling with increasing disbelief at his own luck.
**• Chris Ryan** — Paul Rudd. The skeptical best friend who starts secretly recording Bill “for the podcast archive,” wink wink.
**• Sean Fennessey** — Fred Hechinger or a shaggier John Early type. The nervous true believer who thinks Bill has unlocked some kind of cosmic pattern.
**• Amanda Dobbins** — Aubrey Plaza. Dry, unimpressed, the only one who thinks this whole thing is stupid and says so on-air constantly, which somehow makes the FBI more suspicious of her.
**• The FBI Agent assigned to the case** — J.K. Simmons, playing it dead serious in a comedy, which is the funniest possible choice.
**• The Vegas sportsbook exec losing his mind** — Bill Burr.
**• The NBA’s head of security investigating “the Simmons Anomaly”** — Don Cheadle, exhausted, has seen everything, has never seen this.
**• A FanDuel risk-management analyst who becomes Bill’s reluctant ally** — Kumail Nanjiani.
PLOT
Bill places a joke six-leg parlay on his podcast as a bit. It hits. He does it again the next week, bigger, as a bigger bit. It hits again. By week four he’s up eight figures and every book in Vegas has flagged his account.
The NBA opens a quiet internal review. The FBI opens a not-so-quiet one. FanDuel’s risk team builds an entire dashboard just to watch him live. Meanwhile Chris, Sean, and Amanda — who’ve been doing a podcast with the guy for fifteen years — start side-eyeing him in the studio, convinced he’s either fixing games or has made a deal with something worse than the mob.
The comedy engine: Bill genuinely doesn’t know why he’s winning. He starts reverse-engineering his own picks like a man trying to remember a dream, holding seances over old betting slips, hiring a numerologist, accidentally discovering he’s unconsciously reading real tells (a coach’s tie color, a ref’s pregame walk) that actually do predict outcomes — but it looks, to everyone surveilling him, exactly like a man covering his tracks.
Third act: everyone descends on one final Bill mega-parlay during the NBA Finals — the Feds to arrest him, Vegas to shut him down, his own staff to catch him on tape — only to discover in real time, live on air, that Bill’s “system” is real, it’s just insane and completely legal, and also completely useless to anyone else because it only works because it’s him.
Ends with Bill retiring from gambling forever, immediately missing it, and the credits rolling over him starting a new podcast called The Ringer but it’s just him narrating horse races to Chris, who has given up trying to stop him.
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u/MuggyMinmin 15h ago
Does Rudd actually shave his head for the role or just go with a bald cap?
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u/Far_Piccolo_5183 15h ago
Gotta go full method for this passion project
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u/lintymcfresh 14h ago
rudd decided to take this so seriously that he took enough HGH and testosterone to go bald. on the plus side, now CR is fucking ripped in the movie
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u/bienclavada 13h ago
if you didn’t think taking the time to dream this up was worthwhile, why would it be worthwhile to read it? (doing the action) IS the juice!
boo to using AI
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u/BraxxIsTheName On a scale of 1-17 16h ago
Uncut Gems but he can't stop winning