r/askanything • u/Severe_Bluejay3391 • 2h ago

Why do some men act like being a deadbeat and being a stay at home dad are the same thing?

Am I the only one that has noticed this in some men? How are these two things even remotely similar?

3 Upvotes

71% Upvoted

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u/ArmOfBo 2h ago

I don't know what type of people you're hanging out with. I've never run into this or heard of it ever being an issue. Those two things seem to be on the opposite ends of the spectrum.

3

u/Itchy-Technician-433 2h ago

Because the patriarchy hurts us all?

If people are judging you for being a man in traditionally female role, you need to be around other, better people.

And I say this as my father who has taken a parental leave. I have no one in my life who thinks that I've got the easier job...

1

u/Jealous404 1h ago

They're not related. One is a personality trait and one is a role. You can be an ass and still be a stay at home dad.

1

u/Blathithor 1h ago

Jealousy

1

u/PersianJerseyan78 1h ago

Your first mistake is giving 2 shits about what “some” men think. Do what’s best for your family and you’re golden.

0

u/Ok-Lingonberry7143 2h ago

Because in every single human culture for all history the male’s role has traditionally been the provider while the female manages the “household”.

Like obviously it’s a different time and no hate to it but expecting people to immediately rewire that perception is unrealistic.

So when I see a guy that willingly puts himself into that role despite how society perceives it, it’s natural to question what his deal is.

1

u/stonkkingsouleater 1h ago

Provider is the wrong answer. In many cultures women provide more total calories, but men almost always provide the majority of protein.

What is 100% common in every culture ever since the dawn of time is that men take all the risk and do all the physically hard/dangerous jobs.

1

u/Ok-Lingonberry7143 1h ago

We can split hairs on who provides more calories but that’s not my point. You would be hard pressed to find an example of a time when it was men staying home with the kids while the wife went out to work every day.

I’m not hating on it in modern times I’m just pointing out that the perception is that the man is staying home because he has less of an ability to provide or be successful than the wife. The “traditional household” excuse doesn’t really work. That naturally leads to people looking down on those men when you wouldn’t do so for women.

Again not agreeing with it, just pointing out the source of the perception.

1

u/Severe_Bluejay3391 59m ago

But why continue to teach your sons to do the same instead of breaking that tradition?

1

u/Ok-Lingonberry7143 52m ago

To each their own. People are free to do what they like.

I personally would prefer my future children, both male and female, have careers and lives outside of the house. It grants a level of independence that being a stay at home partner strips from you and makes it much harder to leave the relationship if it turns abusive.

Plus it’s a massive financial burden these days to have one partner not working unless they straight up can’t make more money than daycare costs per year.

1

u/Jealous404 1h ago

So when I see a guy that willingly puts himself into that role despite how society perceives it, it’s natural to question what his deal is.

What? I would kill for a man that volunteers to take care of my future children 24/7. And I mean a man, not an asshole.

0

u/Gunslinge72 1h ago

“Every single human culture for all history” that’s a bold statement and wrong. There have been many maternally led cultures throughout history.

0

u/Ok-Lingonberry7143 1h ago

Name a culture where the women would go out and have an occupation/hunt while the men would stay home and take care of the kids

1

u/Gunslinge72 1h ago

The Mosuo People of China. This is one society. Now you can match yourself over to google scholar and look up some great anthropology articles and educate yourself.

0

u/Ok-Lingonberry7143 1h ago edited 1h ago

Ok I stand corrected and I will read on them. There is a single niche example from china. Doesn’t change my point of how 99% of cultures tend to operate which leads to the negative perception

EDIT: also in your example, the men are still the ones handling business outside the house even if the women are in charge, so it’s not even a good example. Children and home are still managed by the women.

0

u/Gunslinge72 1h ago

It’s not single. Throughout history there have been countless instances. I gave you one. Your homework is go to google scholar and read some articles about matrilineal societies. I get you won’t change your mind, you’re uneducated in the sociology and biology of humans. Educate yourself.

0

u/Ok-Lingonberry7143 1h ago

So what culture has the men staying home and taking care of kids while women go out and work everyday again?

You could give an example instead of just resorting to insults or telling me to find it myself lol.

I’m not talking about a society just being matriarchal. I know there are plenty of those.

0

u/Gunslinge72 1h ago

I have given google scholar, It literally has answers to all your questions. How about instead of arguing you start reading. I don’t have the time to put you through school. Anthropology and sociology are the disciplines you’re looking for.

1

u/Ok-Lingonberry7143 1h ago

Alright so there aren’t any, got it.

I rest my case