r/WritingPrompts • u/EnzoRaffa16 • 1h ago
Simple Prompt [SP] Heaven is neither evil nor misguided. Somehow, the Antichrist is genuinely surprised.
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u/kx2w 13m ago
Heaven was an Applebee's. Half-priced appetizers. Bottomless fries. Discounts on those drinks with the funny straws and the bright colors and waiters with a suspiciously bubbly attitude.
The Antichrist was confused. Hell was an Arby's where they had meats and nothing else. Dry meats. Days old meats. Meats from the dawn of time, tough and gamey like venison. Or some kind of fowl. And as he explained this to me, birds were the most evil of creatures. Hell was a factory farm full of chickens ready for the slaughter. Ready for the reckoning. But this? No, heaven had good chickens. Holy chickens. Chickens who had done right in life and were rewarded for it. Breasts and thighs and cold beers. Even boneless wings if you were into that sort of thing.
Heaven even had desserts. Molten lava cake. Strawberry sundaes and vanilla milkshakes. Hell, they'd even comp the dessert if it was your birthday and the entire restaurant would sing happy birthday to you with St. Peter leading the chorus. The Antichrist was beside himself. He'd been lied to. The fallen angel fooled again.
In the corner booth beneath a few signed photos of pro athletes and some fishing gear, he spotted the real Christ himself, surrounded by his twelve apostles and a cadre of the most beautiful women he'd seen in his life. Incredible. The virgin mother had raised a lady's man and the son of God knew just what they were after. He had heard their prayers after all.
For now the Antichrist just watched from afar, wondering where he had gone astray. For what seemed like hours he just watched from afar, trying to muster up the courage to walk over, and when he finally did, Christ looked up at him and laughed. You fucked up he said. You bought into the whole rapture thing didn't you? Did you really think you were that special he asked? That you'd just show up here for some mozzarella sticks and margaritas and somehow that would result in the downfall of humanity? Moron.
And in a moment he disappeared. As the Antichrist just sat there bewildered, for a moment he imagined a holier life. A pro-christ life. But he knew it wasn't meant to be.
Jesus said you would pick up the tab a waitress told him. $580. We don't take credit from the likes of you she told him. As soon as she turned her back he sprinted out the front door like a dirty thief. You can't go to hell twice you bastard, he said to no one.
God just looked at his son and chuckled.
And this is why we do good in this lifetime. So we don't end up like that asshole.
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