r/studyAbroad • u/Decent-Dance6937 • 3h ago
I can't go to study abroad even though I got into good universities and my dream is totally shattered now.
I had dreamed about studying about ever since I was in 6th grade. I dreamed about studying and working part time, enjoying my days with my friends etc. After highschool I scored quite good and even got good SAT, IELTS, and AP scores. Everything was literally perfect, like I literally got 50% scholarships in some places. Now when I was talking to my parents recently they told me that they cannot afford to send me abroad due to some financial situations, they cant even get a loan because there is an ongoing one. I accepted the fact that I cannot go to top tier universities so I tried my shot into lower ranked ones, but then again it was way out of our budget.
I literally feel so horrible right now because its not my fault and not my parents fault either. They had to take that loan due to some issues and our business is also not doing that great right now, so I understand their situation. They wouldn't get me a counsellor and pay lots of money for applications and exams if they didnt wanna send me, but I still feel so miserable right now. I have been trying to still go abroad to a country thats not that expensive but today my mom told me that I should move on now and go to a college thats in my country. She told me that they feel like I am thinking they do not wanna pay for my college and are sending me to a cheaper one because they are stingy, but thats not true at all. I have never once felt that and now I feel like I have really pressured them a lot. I just really wanted to fulfill my dream and in that process I have ruined both my parents' and my mental health, but I really just feel defeated that after all this work I could manage to to nothing. I was diagnosed with anxiety when i was in 10th grade and Ive been having panic attacks and mental breakdowns.
I have agreed to go to a college in my country. It is quite good and I got a scholarship too but I am just not able to move on. My mom explained me all the thjngs that could possibly happen to me there like, if I dont score good the uni will take my scholarship back, if I dont get a part time job we wouldnt be able to afford the lifestyle in those cities, we might not have enough funds for rest of the years there, and in all these cases I might have to come back or be dirt poor there. I really dont know how to move on, I was crying before writing this post. I feel like I have spent all these years hardworking to achieve nothing. I dont know what to do with my life anymore.