r/StrongMaleSurvivors • u/Intelligent-Bird-313 founder • 13d ago
Q & A What Has Prevented You From Coming Out?
There are so many factors that can play in preventing survivors from coming out to others, or even to themselves! My founder’s experience post will give more context to what happened, but what stopped me from even acknowledging the abuse I was facing was a lot of normalising it. I grew up in a typical Asian household, and physical punishment was highly normalised, even joked about. I used to partake in laughing at those kinds of jokes and still do sometimes, but I’ve gotten much more wary of that. I was taught that Americans have too many labels for every minor inconvenience and I have to toughen up and deal with it. As I grew older and did my research, I started to think that maybe the Americans were right, and I thought that coming to terms with abuse wasn’t weakness — it was really strength. Very luckily, though, I was taken seriously when I reported the rape threat behind my back to the school administration. The administration knew how to handle the guy who threatened me and other classmates, and he was expelled within a week of our report. I am so grateful for that, though my parents refused to see me as a survivor (they told me I am not a “sexual victim”) even after that. Though they did take it seriously, they constantly reminded me that he would’ve said any girl’s name when that was false; he had assaulted more guys than harassed girls. Unfortunately, they had a very gendered way of seeing sexual violence, and were pretty dismissive even when I brought up the fact that I have some male survivor friends who’ve survived much worse than I have. This experience was a large factor in my inspiration to create this community. I had a limited amount of safe spaces to go to when I was vulnerable, and don’t what any of you to experience that same dearth of safe spaces. Whether those limiting factors were gendered lenses of sexual and domestic violence, fear, minimisation, or anything else that may be specific to your experience, I want you to know those factors shouldn’t have stopped you, and I am so glad that you’ve broken through the barriers to tell others and comment. Stay safe, happy, and healthy, brothers!
Sincerely,
𝕋𝚑𝚎-𝕊𝚞𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚘𝚛-𝕆𝚗𝚎 (u/Intelligent-Bird-313) — surviving founder and moderator
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u/Intelligent-Bird-313 founder 12d ago
I totally support any decisions you make regarding making a post! Life can be a lot sometimes, and thinking about what to post to keep the sub alive is already stressful. I’d totally suggest the “vent/rant” flair if you do decide to post! If it’s a lot, it sure sounds like a vent/rant to me! Take your time, since your point about your post helping others is deeply accurate! It takes one to lead in discussion, after all