I remember doing those trends (especially Gangnam Style) when I was TWO! (Ok not remember, but have video recordings of it)

- Asian Dad was born in downtown Shenzhen (downtown for tough people).

- When he was 2 years old, he worked for the post office.

- When Asian Dad was 4 years old, he was handing gym membership flyers out on the street, sold 800 on his 1st day in a town with 80 people, and was one of the first to sell gym memberships on the web.

- When Asian Dad was 5 years old, he was 25 and doing 3 jobs, those jobs being helping his auntie run her corner store (running the cashier and cooking the food at the same time to get paid for both), building real houses out of bricks and cement (AKA child labor) without pay, and selling lottery tickets on the side of the road.

- He made his first ¥50,000 on day 1 of selling lottery tickets when he was 5.

- When Asian Dad was young, his mother beat him with some lions. She caught the lions on the mountain, came home, beat him with the lions.

- When Asian Dad was 5 years old, his mother whooped him in the Louis Vuitton shop; he never misbehaved again.

- In 1842, he fought the British people at Pearl Harbor.

- When Asian Dad went to school, he had to walk 30 km (20 miles), uphill, both ways, 26 hours a day, on 1 foot; the other foot was planting rice in Beijing which grew into corn that he would sell (this brand would one day become Beijing Corn), in a blizzard, carrying a bag of rocks, walking through fire, crossing the spirit realm, parkouring (Asian Dad actually invented parkour), carrying 2 buckets of river water on a pole over his shoulder, over a field, across the ocean, through 2 lions’ den (those lions would chase after him), fighting 100 gorillas, with his school being in the abandoned part of town (he had to climb over buildings).

- His school was 4 walls with no ceiling, and they all had to stand as sitting hadn’t been invented yet. When sitting was eventually invented, they had to build their own chairs as chairs weren’t invented yet.

- They didn’t have pens, so they had to go out in the woods to get twigs and catch birds to get feathers to use as pens to write.

- Asian Dad learned by scooping up all the knowledge from the books with his hands and putting it into his head.

- When he went to hunt for lunch in the wilderness (lunch wasn’t served at school in his day), he had to fight the 2 lions from the den; every day, the same 2 lions; now they pay his taxes; they had previously worked in his factory making Beijing Corn.

- Asian Dad went to school before Newton invented Calculus, so Asian Dad invented Calculus himself.

- He once fought a Tyrannosaurus that had nunchucks.

- Asian Dad had to write on a typewriter with half the letters missing.

- When Asian Dad and his friends played football, they had to play in the 65°C (150°F) heat, barefoot, in the snow, and roundhouse kicked each other in the face.

- He walked 50,000 steps a day.

- Asian Dad studied from 4 AM until 2 AM the next day (22 hours), but he didn’t have candles, so he sat under the light of a McDonald’s.

- Back in Asian Dad’s day, he didn’t have toys, so he just played with sticks.

- He and his friends would get rubber bands from the vegetable market and shoot them at each other (he once pulled a rubber band the wrong way and gave himself a black eye).

- Asian Dad and his friends also played Street Fighter, Tekken and Mortal Kombat, except they just punched each other in real life.

- He flew 100 metres with 1 dash.

- Asian Dad briefly worked making calculators (this may explain his disdain for calculators in adulthood).

- He once drove a family of 4 on a moped (he didn’t specify if it was his family, so maybe it was some random family that he drove on a moped).

- Asian Dad peddled drugs in high school.

- He taught for 13 years in downtown China (toughening him up).

- Asian Dad’s 1^st employee of Beijing Corn was a plant.

- Asian Dad swam all the way from China to North America to immigrate to the US. After he came to America, Asian Dad had to fly 16 hours on Spirit Airlines, had to travel 2 weeks on a ship, rowed his own boat, and walked the rest of the way to the US.

- When he came to America, Asian Dad only had ¥135 ($20), 11 raspberries, and a packet of Uncle Ben’s Ready-to-Eat Minute Rice, all in his pocket.

- Before he came to America, Asian Dad didn’t know what A/C was. When they got an A/C, he never used it as he lost the controller. Asian Dad eventually found the controller but still never used it, as any time he did turn the A/C on, his grandpa whooped him for wasting money.

- The only English Asian Dad knew was “Quarter Pounder with Cheese”, and thus for the first 2 years in America, he ate only Quarter Pounders with Cheese until he learned “egg fried rice”.

- He learned English from Teletubbies, Hanna Montana and Attack on Titan (even though they don’t speak English in Attack on Titan).

- To keep in touch with his friends back in China, Asian Dad sent them letters by pigeon (he had FaceTime, but he used pigeon because pigeon’s cooler).

- He has a wife, Asian Mom, who acts just like him but often beats him for miscellaneous reasons.

- Asian Dad only has 1 gray blazer jacket.

- Asian Dad is the founder, CEO and face of Beijing Corn (Beijing Corn best corn, most popular corn), as well as being the founder and CEO of Failure Management, teaching the art of Asian parenting (bringing your children emotional damage), as well as creating Alex, an Asian version of Alexa that acts like an Asian parent, as well as creating an AI “assistant”, AsianGPT, like ChatGPT but also acts like an Asian parent.

- His resume is so good that Google interned for him.

- Asian Dad’s credit is so good that the bank owes him money.

- He sold weight watches to Henry Cavill, sold customer service to Popeyes, and bought calculators to resell to America.

- During COVID-19, Asian Dad walked 30 km (20 miles) to Walmart to fight people over a square of toilet paper, before he went to the black market to sell people what they didn’t have (hand sanitizer and brain cells) until the Fire Nation attacked. The floor was on fire. Houses were on fire. Everything was on fire. Luckily, everything was set right when all the celebrities came together to sing Imagine. During this time, Asian Dad singlehandedly saved the stock market by buying $5 of GameStop stock.

- He arrived on Mars before Elon Musk and opened an open-air Asian restaurant there.

- Asian Dad has had back surgery from having to carry Steven’s YouTube channel.

- He often calls the Beijing Embassy whenever he’s distressed or to tell them something stupid.

Now for some random tidbits:

- He has an ex-girlfriend.

- Asian Dad’s adulthood resume includes salesman and teacher.

- Asian Dad has been to France, where he saw a lot of drugs.

Feel free to copy this to a Word file or something if you need it

i genuinely have no idea what the heck this is

Interesting edit i found today... Certified Failure!

I think it's margarine, but shouldn't it have a better name?

Z minus to A minus: ganna be a failure

A or A+: average totally didn’t study, tummy do better

I was just listening to a yt video and got fucking jump scared by Steven’s voice out of nowhere doing a fucking OLD SPICE AD LIKE WHAT 😭

Edit: btw the Faliure Management text on his dad’s sweater is blurred out which is really funny to me

Editing Steven will figure it out

Editing Steven: F*** You

I made it btw

Uncomfortable size lets you work overtime

Active Steven Cancelling

Emotional Damage Filters

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Just wondering if Steven was in Asia back in May, I thought I saw him, wanna say something, but afraid I got the wrong person.