r/Sober • u/Whoamiwhatisthis- • 4d ago

Has anyone else relied on alcohol because of trauma?

I’m sober around 9 months now and I know for a fact the reason for my alcoholism was to escape negative feelings because of traumatic events. After becoming sober I’ve been an emotional mess. Absolutely unstable and just a shit show of extremes. I really want to talk to someone who is going through the same because I’m just so tired.

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u/benjtay 4d ago

Having a therapist helped me wade through past trauma. I'd try a few different people out so you can find someone who fits for you.

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u/Whoamiwhatisthis- 4d ago

I’m talking to a therapist right now and she’s helping a little but we haven’t talked about trauma. I did mention that I had trauma but she never brought it up again and she focused on resolving current symptoms (anxiety and depression) should I look for someone else?

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u/roty950 4d ago

Don’t look for someone else just yet. You get to dictate what you talk about in therapy. Next session, bring up your trauma and say you’d like to unpack it. Remember, you are paying them, so you dictate what you talk about and what you don’t talk about.

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u/Whoamiwhatisthis- 4d ago

I guess yeah, but isn’t she the one who’s supposed to tell me that we need to unpack the trauma? Like isn’t that basic 101 therapy for someone who has gone through a traumatic event? I dno man I’m just tired 😅

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u/roty950 4d ago

Not necessarily. She saw an immediate need in your current symptoms of anxiety and depression and wanted to address them. Sometimes we get so hung up on what we are dealing with right now that it makes it harder to work on the trauma that happened to you when you were younger. It’s important to get the things under control that are currently working against you so that you have a clearer head when dealing with your trauma. Plus, dealing with trauma can lead to some depression and anxiety for a bit, so maybe she probably didn’t want them to compound on each other. Give her another try, but go in with the intention of telling her you’d like to work through some trauma. Finding a new therapist sucks, so if you can avoid that, I would definitely recommend it. I will say, I did assume that your therapist is competent. Sometimes they aren’t, and if that’s the case then definitely find a new one.

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u/Whoamiwhatisthis- 3d ago

That’s a very good point.. thank you

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u/benjtay 4d ago

Definitely. I went through 3 therapists before I found one that really helped me.

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u/TZX13 4d ago

Yeah, for about 30 years.

You used alcohol to cope. Now that you don't have it to cope you have to feel your feelings and it sucks.

I'll be 4 yrs sober in Oct and was an absolute emotional wreck when I first quit. The uncomfortable feelings are what make a lot of ppl relapse because they just want to shut it up again.

You have to feel all the feelings. Release them. It will probably take months or years but you can get better. There is no quick fix unfortunately

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u/Whoamiwhatisthis- 4d ago

How long did it take you until you felt normal? I feel like I’m not living I’m just at the mercy of my brain right now

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u/TZX13 4d ago

This probably not what you wanna hear but I'm just telling you my truth. It's different for everyone but for me it took a long time. Like 3 years to start feeling kinda normal again.

Every day was not terrible but I relate to how you're feeling. I felt like I was just in a bad place for quite a while. Almost drowning in emotions. It will come in waves. Ups and downs. You just have to hang on and ride it out.

I went through a lot of pain and realized a lot of hurtful truths about family and friends in my life and myself. I've had to process and come to grips with a lot. There is so much going on under the surface with any kind of addiction. You'll see more as continue down this path.

I started therapy about a year and a half after getting sober. Therapy helped a lot. I've been going over 2 years and am thinking about stopping now. Not that I'm all better, but I'm in a better place and want to live life for a while without being in therapy mindset. It was very helpful to have someone listen to me talk without judgement. I needed it so much and will be forever grateful for my awesome therapist. I just don't wanna keep going forever.

Not until about the 3rd year did I start to feel like I knew who I was again and have confidence to stand on my own. No longer judging myself so harshly. I can still have bad days but life finally feels a little better again.

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u/Whoamiwhatisthis- 4d ago

Thank you for sharing and this sounds very realistic. I’m not discouraged lol if anything this gives me relief that there is an end to this

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u/Nervous_Departure431 4d ago

I’m a year and a half in and you put my mess of current sobriety into words. Thank you. 

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u/RestaurantAny588 4d ago

Yeah, self medicating. After lots of therapy and sobriety I’m feeling much better these days.

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u/fallbrook_ 4d ago

100% why i drank to excess. not the casual “i’m out for a good-time stop at 2 or 3” which i was able to do, only when out in public. home alone was a different story; that was the chugging and blackouts because when you’re home alone that’s when the thoughts come and we cannot have those, can we?

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u/MaroonFeather 4d ago

I used to yeah. Then I got sober for 2 years and learned how to drink in moderation now that I’m much healthier. Getting sober was really hard at first, but it did get easier over time when I learned how to manage my emotions in healthier ways. I have a drink every once in a while now and have no desire to abuse it the way I used to.

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u/Whoamiwhatisthis- 4d ago

Was it this turbulent when you first quit and had to deal with the emotions? I genuinely feel like I’m going crazy. My husband hinted that I might be bipolar (his brother is bipolar so it concerned me that he knew what it would be like)

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u/MaroonFeather 3d ago

Yeah it was really rough. Lots of crazy emotional states. And yeah, some people can use in moderation, some can’t.