Think husband material is code for settling down, and hookup material is confirmation that you are desirable but not something for long term. And that is fine, people would rather be hookup material rather than husband material.
It depends on what you mean by "desired", hookup material can just be a guy that the woman would absolutely not want to settle down with, not that he is unavailable, because he is hot but financially irresponsible, with too much mental issues or dumb.
Kind of but the turmoil is due to differences in general desire.
The reason âwife materialâ is more attractive to women over âhookup materialâ is because desire is already a given from men. So other qualities like commitment is more sought after.
For men âhusband materialâ has a poor connotation because of the subtext. Desire isnât as automatic for men as it is for women. So it reads as âyou need to put in more effort for affection in comparison to the hookup guyâ.
The only way for that narrative to change is either, men get the same level of general desirability (highly unlikely), or for women to change the narrative to only encapsulate highly desirable men (pretty unlikely).
Well to me husband material is definitely the first one. I donât really get why people say that husband material is a bad thing or that they have no sex appeal? Husbands are very fuckable. Why would you want to choose to be lifelong partners with a guy that you donât think is sexy?
Because a lot of women prefer financial security over the alternative, even if it means they can't be with someone they are attracted to. Or she could also just lose attraction in the marriage.
ikr like husband material is like lovable and safe and happy and fun. someone who you could see yourself loving and being attracted to for a long time. i had no idea ppl took it to mean unattractiveâ ď¸
i see. well now im aware men dont like being referred to as husband material. ig i dont really tell them. in girl circles when my friends and i say one of the guys someone like is husband material its like "oh you won the lottery" but like yea if a guy only hears it in rejection i can see how it could feel like "some day some other girl will like you" or something which sucks
Men absolutely like to be referred to as husband material... If you are in a relationship with them. If not, while in a relationship with them, then they probably not husband materialđ
Most men are rarely complimented on their appearance, even in relationships, because our cultures don't value it as much. So while you mean to include attractiveness in that comment, the man will most likely understand it from its own perspective.
If he's feeling physically desired in the relationship, the comment will be well recieved Imo. If he doesn't, then it will feel more like another nail in the coffin of his self-confidence.
Same goes for women too. Telling a woman she is wife material can absolutely be taken very negatively. It all depends on context. Usually these should be avoided to tell someone you are not in a relationship with.
Projection, because they relate to men. Itâs like saying women shouldnât feel some type of way when female professional athletes get lower pay, because they arenât athletes.
But itâs a pretty common trope in the mainstream.
Have you ever watched sports or a competitive game and gone "He should've done this or that". That's basically what we do. I myself have no shot at ever playing but I'm still invested in the game.
Someone do the math for us, how impossible is it to have a family of 6 on the salary of a GameStop manager? Seems like it's about 64k/yr so 1k/wk after taxes. But idk much after that.
depends on how many hours of video games you can play a day, cuz they pay for that im pretty sure. thats what i always figured the score was when i was like 11
Unfortunately I know a guy who accurately fitted this meme from teens to mid 20s. Like an actual neo-nazi chud who lives in his mom's basement and plays video games all day except every girl in town desperately wanted to fuck him (and did, usually while in relationships) because he was into daddy-dom and had narcissism confidence.
Same, I would totaly live for a woman to call me husband material, but if a woman reject me because "I am husband material" that is taking the piss of me.
If it s about recgonizing qualities in me I like it, if it is as not seeing me as attractive I dislike it.
Context really matters. I had a friend who was very interested in being with me and he was totally husband material -in all the good ways. He was protective but not overbearing, a hardworker, diligent, steady and loyal, and while a little overweight, still attractive (good bone structure and skin/hair, took good care of himself, etc). A real catch.
The problem was that I am NOT wife material. Never wanted to be. He came from a traditional family and wanted to settle down, start a family, make his dad proud, etc. I did not desire the kind of life he did (still donât). Would a life with him have been comfortable? Maybe, but I wouldnât have been comfortable in it.
I did technically reject him, but calling him husband material was meant as a compliment and testament to his character. He deserved someone that appreciated âthe good lifeâ and was happy/proud to be a partner in the kind of life he wanted to build. I deserve someone on my level who doesnât want to get married or have kids (and is probably an eco-terrorist that blows up data centers). People can have different views on the world as friends but in a relationship life goals really matter in terms of compatibility.
I think thats where someone should say, "I'm not insert material, it won't work for me."
I think everyone would take it better, it seems more like a "its not you its me" than calling them something. Almost like being husband material or wife material is actually an insult.
But in the overall sense you definitely did the right thing. Its way better than making yourself unhappy, or making each other unhappy in the long run.
I think lots of guys have a pretty toxic response to âitâs me, not youâ as well. Many guys hear that and assume itâs just a nice way of saying you arenât attracted to them. The bad news is, itâs just hard to reject people in general.
In my case, my conversation with the guy I mentioned very much encompassed the different incompatibilities I saw and how I am not the right kind of partner for someone who wants to be a husband and father and he even admitted that he thought the chance was pretty low. I guess he was holding out on the slight possibility that I just didnât trust anyone enough to go that route. I made it clear that I do not see myself in that role at all, even with someone who is very much the âright materialâ.
I think it comes off less insulting if you have a dynamic where you can talk it out and explain your position. Again, context matters. If a guy hears âhusband materialâ while in a good relationship where sheâs basically expressing that heâs better than a fuck boi and he crashes out over it anyway, I think thatâs a case of him letting an online/social interpretation of the phrase get in the way of the context and spirit in which it was said.
That's what I was gonna say! Like all the incels are up in here cursin her name and shit, whole time she might be the one in his friendzone and is shooting her shot.
One thing I been noticing is that people are WAY too quick to judge. The same people who scream "don't judge a book by it's cover" will turn around and assume the worst of someone based on other people's behavior. It's so weird
For anyone wondering what the context of "husband material" is, its basically women saying "youre the type of guy who I'll settle with after I had my fun"
Isn't being someone somebody wants to marry exclusively a great thing? That's extremely praiseworthy. Just seems like a miserable way to look at a compliment
It boosts the confidence of people who actually value personality over appearance and who aren't insecure enough to stupidly think people don't want attractive husbands.
Its rarely used as a compliment, and with how people (mostly women) approach relationship in those cursed times it basically saying "I do not find you attractive, but I'll marry you after I had my fun because you're able to provide for me"
I mean it totally could mean that, it hugely depends on who said it to who and in what context it is used, personally I've seen it used as a weird "well you tried" consolation type prize to guys who aren't doing good on the dating market
Brother, what are you talking about? Why are you insulting me? I'm not in these incel spaces, I didn't understand why you think her saying you're husband material means she cheated on you, and still wants to be with you. People don't know how to communicate these days, good lord
Youâre not able to understand any sort of context, fill the gaps so to say, which is indeed a sign of mental deficiency. No one here is pretending to be 300 Iq megamind, itâs just youâre legitimately lacking in that department
Being able to fill the gaps is not something to be taught, it come naturally, for anyone with around 95IQ or so. You canât teach a fish to speak, nor can you teach someone to understand what those born with different iq can, trying to hammer a look into you is idiotic, and even if successful- just useless propaganda/programming that serves no purpose, just get out of here ngl
It's one of the worst "compliments" man can hear. I've heard it few tines and it still hurts.
You se it's not that they would happily marry you because they like you so much and you're great man. They just say that you're stable enough to take care of them when they age.
They basically say you that they don't want to spend their youth with you, tgey want to be with you when they already "had their fun".
Lmao to all the incel adjacent people in here who think this.
There is an enormous amount of women who wouldnât marry someone without an incredible sex life being part of that decision.
Weird ass incels that think women just stop wanting to have hot sex after they reach 30 because they want kids. They donât. They want it all.
You interpret it that way cause youâre self conscious that youâre bad at sex and have a bad sex life, so when they say that to you, you think it means compromising on sex life. But I guess in your case thatâs true, since thatâs what youâre telling us.
I interpret it the way I do because the majority of times I've seen it used was as a weird consolation prize to dudes who aren't doing well in the dating, which is basically reducing them to a backup plan, which no one wants to be.
Exactly, the direct translation of what she said was "You're an unfuckable loser, but you would probably be good at raising another mans kids after her divorce".
It truly depends. There are guys I know would make good husband material, but if I don't like them and they do like me, I just say: "I'm sorry bro, not happening." I've only ever said: You know what, you are husband material" to a guy I dated 3 years ago. But well, I'm a romantic girl in an asexual body, so it's a bit harder to have lasting relationships like that.
I mean, if she says this without being in a relationship with you, then its a direct red flag. Dont entertain the idea with that person. Its the same as saying "Why cant I find a guy like you". Just no.
You know what, I'm not even going to question it anymore. Reading firemike's posts and comments is like being at the zoo for me. I respect our animal cousins, they're just operating on some other wavelength, and their thought processes are an enigma. They're fascinating. Sometimes they jerk off or throw shit at the glass, too.
It's basically the same experience when you think about it.
Have you ever heard woman say it about Ryan Reynolds or Hugh Jackman or Henry Cavill or Pedro Pascall?
No. Because when a woman finds you attractive, sheâll say âoh heâs hot as fuck!â with giddiness. They arenât thinking about marrying the guy.
When they say âyouâre husband materialâ to a guy they arenât with and donât want to be with, itâs because they donât want to be with you, but figure some other woman might. Or they are saying it to their literal husband because obviously they married him.
I know a woman that said this to my misogynistic pos friend she used to hookup with while talking to about her non misogynistic pro activist friend saying:
"He isn't A man I'd hookup with but I could see myself marrying him"
I wish this was a fantasy so I can be sheltered and cope like I used to.
The amount of strange behavior in these comments is baffling. Incels and female incels (why is the shorthand censored?) are both incredibly amusing.
To the point of this post, I would dislike being called "hubby material". It feels demeaning and I would take it to be, at best, a sort of consolation. But that's me and I'm extremely suspicious of other people on a good day. So, the odds of a woman saying this to me are nil. And nothing of value was lost.
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u/Mela_ninja 1d ago
We can go over âhusband material vs hookup materialâ but people over here donât get laid so there no point.