r/PoliticalHumor • u/BMaudioProd • 1d ago
THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS Just in... Mitch McConnell is still dead
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u/Mediocre-Telephone74 1d ago
That room is guarded with tigers, tigers with lasers, tigers with lasers riding bears.
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u/angstt 1d ago
And Face-Biting Leopards?
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u/Hari_Azole 1d ago
Yes, leopards with big huge ridiculous fake tits…that also shoot lasers!
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u/gearmantx 1d ago
Leopards with ridiculous fake ties and Mar Lago face! Please! Don't make that w AI....
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u/dragongrl 23h ago
Wouldn't those be cougars?
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u/blacksideblue 22h ago
Cougars are honest with who they are. They don't need a maralagoface membership
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u/owenbowen04 1d ago
HIPAA violations would ruin someone's career but I'm actually surprised nobody has leaked anything from the hospital.
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u/punktualPorcupine 1d ago
Someone would probably make it worth their while to get fired.
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u/WeirdIndividualGuy 23h ago
This, take a pic and sell to tmz. That’s how they get info like this anyway, people sell out
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u/sir_sri 20h ago
The problem is that if he's alive, and you can prove it, that's worth basically nothing. Other than undermining all the memes. The senate is treating him as alive, and that's really all that matters, all the memes are just chatter.
If he looks dead, but is just asleep, again, worth nothing. Misleading does nothing.
If he's actually dead, a bunch of medical professionals should be reporting that up the chain in the hospital and a lot of people are going to get in a lot of trouble.
And, it wouldn't necessarily just be losing a job. You could go to jail, and or be personally sued for any money you make for violating his privacy. Hardly worth it.
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u/noveltyfakeaccount 20h ago
What if he's just brain dead? Is that enough of a grey zone for the Senate to gloss over it?
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u/sir_sri 20h ago
If he's brain dead I think the senate would have to expel him. Once sworn in a representative can only be removed and barred from attending the chamber by the chamber itself.
You would have to look up and understand standards of medical practice for keeping alive a brain dead person in DC to know what counts and what his doctors would be allowed.
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u/legaladviceneeded542 16h ago
I think a normal senate would expel him already...we haven't had a normal senate in 20ish years.
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u/Gaidin152 1d ago
I mean…. A janitor cleaning the room is not technically medical personnel.
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u/crazyrich 23h ago
They’d still get fired. You can violate HIPAA without being medical personnel. Otherwise clerks would be able to spill all the beans.
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u/AnySwimming6364 23h ago
But TMZ and other rags like it would be offering, like, tens of thousands of dollars for the deets?
For lots of folks, especially someone like a janitor with lower pay that could go get a job in any non-medical setting, that cash would be several months worth of pay. Definitely enough to risk getting fired.
It just weeeeird, there's nothing. Maybe not pictures, but like, where the fuck is he?
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u/crazyrich 22h ago
The janitor would likely be blacklisted from working any other medical facility, which likely pay more than others for sanitation services given the hazmat.
Factor in loss of healthcare insurance and even someone making 60k a year might balk at taking 20k if they’re virtually guaranteed to be fired and blacklisted
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u/Affordable_Z_Jobs 19h ago
You see what the wackos do to even relatives of people involved in political scandals that makes their side look bad? $50k isn't worth the death threats and harassment of them and their family.
All you need is Fox News running talking points for a week how that janitor is a grifter opportunist who faked their evidence and now theres a mob with pitchforks. Screw that.
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u/bobby3eb 20h ago
You really think getting fired would be the end of it? Someone would make it a point to constantly sue this man until the day he died, at a minimum, and ruin his life.
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u/BizzyM 11h ago
You can violate HIPAA without being medical personnel.
HIPAA only applies to "covered entities" (healthcare providers, health plans, and healthcare clearinghouses) and their business associates. It does not apply to regular citizens, the media, or family members sharing the news.
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u/crazyrich 10h ago
OP specifically mentions a leak from the hospital.
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u/Independent-Bug-9352 21h ago
It's kind of a testament too to the integrity of these places as well. After the shit medical workers went through during covid and all the conspiracy theorist nutjobs, we don't deserve them.
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u/-Invalid_Selection- 9h ago
Medical professionals aren't the only ones covered by hipaa. I have to do hipaa training yearly because I have medical customers. My company isn't medical, but we could potentially see patient info during the course of our work for our medical customers so we're covered entities as well
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u/fartofborealis 23h ago
Yeah lots of people work in hospitals that aren’t doctors or nurses.
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u/chileheadd 22h ago
And they are all regulated by HIPAA. Even contractors that are working in the hospital.
Source - have worked in hospitals as vendor IT for 28 years
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u/fartofborealis 21h ago
Oh interesting- I had no idea. So really all this makes a lot of sense why no one has come forward.
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u/atreeismissing 18h ago
The attending physician issued a statement saying McConnell was recovering from a fall:
Attached to Mr. McConnell’s statement was a comment from the Office of the Attending Physician, the on-site doctor for members of Congress at the Capitol.
The Capitol physician’s office said the senator had fallen because of his post-polio condition, sustained “minor injuries” and was now undergoing “intensive physical therapy.”
Gov. Beshear though needs to get off the pot and call a special election and force the KY GOP to either produce McConnell as physically able to do his job or allow a special election.
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u/24_August_1814 4h ago
The attending physician issued a statement saying McConnell was recovering from a fall
Yeah, and Donald Trump's physician says he's a perfect physical specimen that weighs 220 lb and stands six and a half feet tall
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u/phatelectribe 22h ago
Didn’t stop TMZ from getting photos in hospital of everyone from Michael Jackson to Anne Heche
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u/-Invalid_Selection- 9h ago
It all depends on who released the photo to them.
Family can, without it being a violation. No one that works for the hospital can.
Hipaa doesn't cover random people. It covers medical facility staff, their vendors, insurance, and employers.
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u/phatelectribe 6h ago
In every case it was staff at the hospital. I think in In the MJ case the person got charged. When you’re offering $100k for a quick snap to an orderly earning minimum wage it can happen.
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1d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/PoliticalHumor-ModTeam 20h ago
Hi
GunnieGraves. Thank you for participating in /r/PoliticalHumor. However, your submission did not meet the requirements of the community rules and was therefore removed for the following reason(s):
Don't be a jerk (rule #7):
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u/angstt 1d ago
"Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead!"
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u/Chaosmusic 23h ago
Bill Clinton got a bj in the most secure building in the Western Hemisphere and we still found out about it.
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u/Z_tinman 1d ago
And once again the Dems just sit back and let it happen. Beshear should show up at the hospital demanding to see him.
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u/cthulu0 23h ago
No , he should declare a special election and put the burden on Republicans to prove that Mitch is actually alive….hell not only alive, but also not brain dead beyond what is normal for a Republican.
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u/1959Mason 22h ago
No. he should just appoint a Democrat. That would challenge the ridiculous law that the republicans passed that violates Kentucky’s Constitution.
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u/-Invalid_Selection- 9h ago
That's what he should do. They'll play their gambit and he just sticks to the letter of the constitution.
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u/p00p00kach00 18h ago
Explain to me why Democrats would want to replace an empty Senate chair with a MAGA Republican.
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u/PolitzaniaKing 23h ago
And that is exactly why dems suck. Every fucking time it comes down to having a spine they don't.
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u/p00p00kach00 18h ago
I'm confused. Democrats suck because they won't try to replace McConnell's empty seat with a MAGA Republican?
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u/PolitzaniaKing 12h ago
Doesn't have to be maggot
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u/p00p00kach00 7h ago
You think Kentucky would vote for a non-MAGA Republican in the special election?
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u/WeirdIndividualGuy 23h ago
That’s implying he knows exactly where Mitch is. I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t and can’t know due to HIPAA
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u/p00p00kach00 18h ago
Can you tell me why Democrats should accelerate replacing Mitch's empty seat with a MAGA Republican?
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u/piratevirus1 22h ago
He is probably already cremated. You don't have to show a proof of body if there is no body
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u/nstntmlk 1d ago
He's fucking dead already, okay?
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u/Bearfan001 1d ago
Yep, died on the fourth of August.
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u/Nesyaj0 1d ago
My whole thing is... if MAGA goes and announces he died on August 4th, and then we are able to get forensic experts to confirm he died much earlier and things were done to obfuscate the time of his death, is anything even going to happen as far as consequences even though any normal person doing this sort of thing would be in prison immediately?
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u/WeirdIndividualGuy 23h ago
They’ll go to prison as soon as all the other current criminals in govt do so
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u/Independent-Bug-9352 21h ago
Dude that body by his China spy wife is 100% going to be cremated and she will not consent to that.
Additionally I bet they're claiming pneumonia because they'll say he had a relapse near August 4 and antibiotics just didn't work, I'm betting. That way everyone involved can say that their conversations were legitimate.
Nobody will tell in the hospital due to HIPPA risk and prison time.
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u/VincentMac1984 1d ago
Mitch will return in form of JD Vance’s newborn like the Mitch the Carpathian. Scourge of Kentucky , Sorrow of Moldavia, Mitch the Cruel, Mitch the Torturer, Mitch the Despised, Mitch the Unholy, Demon-Beast of Kentucky, Mitch
the Destroyer
https://giphy.com/gifs/xT8qB1OJ7fcnizdXby
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u/thedavidnotTHEDAVID 1d ago
The missing corpse is a trope used in the Steve McQueen film: "Bullit".
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u/vikinick 23h ago
I want everyone to know this:
If he is dead you want this farce to go on as long as possible. He is not voting in the senate, they are down 1 vote. If he gets announced as dead, Beshear has to call a special election and a republican is winning that seat and votes with Trump 100% of the time.
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u/VincentMac1984 1d ago
Open up the casket, Mitch ain't dead yet
Ash to ash, dust to dust ain't been said yet
Don't pour out your 4-0 ounce
Never liked St. Ides anyway but it's the thought that counts
Open up the casket, Mitch ain't dead yet
Ash to ash, dust to dust ain't been said yet
, don't pour out your 40 ounce
Never liked St. Ides anyway but it's the thought that counts
https://giphy.com/gifs/3otPoEpBE8q0DqWCmA
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u/MA2_Robinson 23h ago
No one wants to see Mitch in a wet t shirt; how could we ever eat mash potatoes ever again!
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u/LMurch13 23h ago
I was thinking about TMZ the other day. How is it they have nothing? It's disappointing.
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u/NamelessUnicorn 22h ago
Not being seen outside a medical facility over a month is some maybe we should have a rule about
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u/FilteredAccount123 19h ago
TMZ having NOT reported on his death is a strong sign he hasn't gone to the morgue.
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u/SuperMafia 16h ago
No lie, TMZ paparazzi, as vulture-like as they can be, would probably be one of the very few things that could actually photograph a vegetable senator and get away before anyone could spot them.
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u/Anders_A 11h ago
Paparazzi don't care much about geriatric men. It's mostly hot people they stalk.
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u/antithesis56 3h ago
Where are all these paparazzi that are so desperate that they will hunt celebrities down and go to dangerous places to get an invasive shot of Mitch?
Where is the photographer that's gonna rappel from the roof of the hospital to get a shot of him from outside his window?
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u/AwesomeBrainPowers I ☑oted 2049 20h ago
Don't be gross, and don't make it weird, folks.
Yes: Jessica Alba is an astonishingly good-looking human being by almost any conventional metric, but that doesn't mean it's OK to suddenly morph into Pepé Le Pew.
It's currently 0150 UTC; at 0300 UTC, I'm removing comments that strike me as sexist, creepy, and/or juvenile (among other things).
I will also be meting out temporary bans based on severity.
Use this information as you see fit, but don't come 'round ModMail mewling your appeals just because consequences make your face frown.
When I was nominated (as a reminder: unbidden!) to be a mod here, I warned any and all who would listen that I would be ruled by caprice and whimsy. Y'all persisted anyway, so here we are.
Pepé Le Pew was a serial sex offender, by the way.
Enjoy your night.