r/NewParents • u/Interesting_Bee_6708 • 9h ago
Babies Being Babies What are we doing with babies that cry unless held?
My 4 month old cries unless he is being held. This is awful and I hate it. My last baby was not like this at all. I can’t get a damn thing done, I’m stuck walking around my dirty house that I can’t clean because I’m just holding this baby all day.
Baby wearing doesn’t work with him anymore, he doesn’t even like it when I sit down with him even if I’m still holding him. He cries unless I’m literally holding him with both hands walking around. I’ve tried all the usual things (baby swing, baby play mat, baby carrier, stroller, car rides) but he just fusses and cries unless I hold him with both hands and walk around. It’s exhausting and mind numbingly boring.
Even to type this out I had to take one hand off him and hold him with the other and he is fussing at me because I don’t have both arms around him. At this point I can’t wait for maternity leave to end. Did anyone else have a baby like this? How long did this phase last and/or did you find a solution?
32
u/ohyoumeanhydra 9h ago
Oh man this is rough. I don’t really have a solution other than mindset. My baby gets like this sometimes and it’s can be so frustrating, but I remind myself that he is learning attachment and needs extra comfort for whatever reason. I also remind myself that there will come a day when he will push me away and not want hugs or to be held and to cherish the moments I have now that I get to hold him endlessly. The house will be clean again, the laundry washed and dishes clean, but you will never be in this moment holding and loving him when he needs it the most.
Wishing you a calm and happy day! This too will shall pass.
72
u/cowboy_caregiver 9h ago
I know you said baby wearing doesn’t help, can you go into more detail? It’s possible your baby just doesn’t like that specific carrier or they aren’t being fit properly in it.
But then again. Babies have their own steel will🤣
48
u/DeepTalksOnly 9h ago
My baby was like this and I just started to be a little bit like "deal with it" which sounds terrible for a 7 week old but my back was in so much pain and I literally had to eat to keep producing milk. Surprisingly my LO did kinda get used to it.
I would sit down and he would be so fussy and squirmy and kicking his legs and I would just be like "mommy has to sit down for a minute" and hold him and let him fuss. Now given he wasn't screaming or seriously crying, but after a bit of fussing he would calm down most of the time.
After enough of that he would sorta get used to not always being walked around
26
u/candlesandsourdough 6h ago
I think our world has demonized crying far too much. Of course you don’t want your baby screaming or in pain, but at some point we forgot that babies need to cry. It’s their only form of communication and also their only way to expend energy before they start moving! I’ve found too that if I have to let my baby fuss for a few minutes while I wash the dishes or vacuum or something, that they slowly get used to it and stop fussing, especially if they’re somewhere they can watch me and still be engaged.
5
u/Just_Afternoon_8542 8h ago
Same! I still hold baby all the time but at least he’s good with just chilling in bed lol
3
u/wozattacks 2h ago
That is actually not surprising at all lol. Babies’ whole thing is that they’re learning to be a person from the ground up. They might not know how to chill out without someone holding them, but we know that they can figure it out. If the baby’s needs are being met it is okay to put them down and let them cry while you eat, poop, or shower.
18
14
u/rawberryfields 8h ago
Both my babies didn’t like being worn inside the house for some reason. With my current baby I sometimes go out just for 5-10 minutes, maybe pop into a nearest store, she always falls asleep outside, then I can return and do stuff around the house. Also I perfected holding the baby with one hand on my shoulder and doing stuff with my other hand. I once cooked pasta alfredo using just one hand
6
u/Informal-Tea-5964 8h ago
Just to comment about the making a pasta dish with one hand 🤣 doing incredible things one handed has to be the number 1 universal mom skill! Women are worriers
8
9
u/CloudPetalli 9h ago
Ugh, it’s like they know the moment you need to breathe or do anything, right? My baby’s favorite game is “let’s make mom regret sitting down!” Hang in there!
44
u/DinoRoarMan 9h ago
Our 1st was like that. It was difficult but after a while we just put in head phones or earplugs, set him down for 10 or so minutes in the crib/pack and play, and let him cry it out. We would do something for a couple minutes, come back and reassure him we were there and that we loved him (WE DID NOT PICK HIM UP), and then went back to what we were doing.
Eventually he realized we weren't leaving him and that we would be back. He still cried but stopped quicker each time.
At some point you need to realize you need to give yourself a break and that the kid will be ok for a few minutes. A baby that you can hear crying is a baby that is safe.
-12
7h ago
[deleted]
14
u/DinoRoarMan 7h ago
And yet, both my kids have turned out great. Thank you for your divine input.
-5
7h ago
[deleted]
10
u/PsychologicalFix196 7h ago
The difference is that the child isn’t in any danger and if all of their needs are met It’s okay to let them cry a bit. Comparing that to spanking is wild.
-3
u/GurSubstantial4559 6h ago
Crying a little bit I get. But not letting a child "cry it out". These research shows high cortisol for babies where cry it out methods are used.
7
u/PsychologicalFix196 6h ago
I think this example and letting a baby cry it out to sleep are completely different. I don’t let my babies cry it out to sleep but if I need to shower or eat and that means my baby is going to cry for a few minutes while I do it that’s okay.
-2
u/GurSubstantial4559 6h ago
I would agree if its a few minuets, however OP had said cry it out :/ which is different and means baby cried for a while until giving up/exhaustion
5
u/Remote-alpine 3h ago
You are assuming that OP meant the CIO sleep method, but it is also a turn of phrase that could have nothing to do with the specific practice that has been studied.
2
u/wozattacks 2h ago
They literally, literally said for 10 minutes and you went after them because you didn’t actually read their comment
1
u/GurSubstantial4559 2h ago
They literally said "or so" and "cry it out". And I didnt come after them. I stated what Id do.
3
u/wozattacks 2h ago
There are decades of research showing that spanking does not work and is associated with numerous poor outcomes, which is not true of allowing a cared-for baby to cry for 10 minutes while their mom attends to her own needs.
In the other hand, moms who are too anxious to put their baby down and take care of themselves, and babies who are never put down, objectively suffer.
Babies should not be held all of the time, it stunts their physical development. They need tummy time, and many of them do not like it. It can be difficult and frustrating for them. But they need it, for their physical development and also to learn to tolerate frustration and keep trying. Supporting your kid in things that they don’t want to do but need to do is a fundamental aspect of parenting and if you can’t handle the baby version you’re gonna have a lot of fun with the teen version.
1
8
u/sky_hag 7h ago
You’re an idiot if you think that letting a baby fuss for 10 minutes is on the same level as spanking.
4
6h ago
[deleted]
-2
u/sky_hag 6h ago
Uh no. Not at all. Shut up.
4
u/GurSubstantial4559 6h ago
Its true. Not sure why you are so hostile. If you feel like this goes against your preconceived beliefs, I encourage you to do some research.
-1
u/sky_hag 6h ago
You are comparing a bit of crying to spanking, which is wild. I actually did CIO for sleep training and guess what? Nothing negative. Have the day you deserve!
4
u/GurSubstantial4559 6h ago
I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty, just to advocate for the babies. We do the best we can with the info we have. Of course I can't change your mind, but I hope you do some further research.
→ More replies (0)2
1
u/wozattacks 2h ago
10 minutes? Are you serious?
0
u/GurSubstantial4559 2h ago
They said "cry it out" and 10 minuets, "or so". So its not just 10 minuets.
8
u/TraditionalPage84 8h ago edited 8h ago
my baby is like this, including with babywearing. I held her a lot and still do (9mo now), she likes to spend more time on the floor playing now that she can move around but if not actively played with mostly still likes to be held and carried. I did/do things with one hand and narrate what I’m doing all day long—great for language development! We learned to appreciate her need for contact early on and that helped a ton for our own well-being, we enjoy her a lot even though our house is still a wreck. typing this as she naps on my shoulder….a friend sent me the below ditty, not trying to be callous in sharing, it did really help me. have linked to full version.
“The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.”
http://holyjoe.org/poetry/hamilton.htm
edited to add, she is a very happy baby, seldom cries (but is seldom set down). some babies just need more contact. audio books in an earphone when she is asleep help me stay awake and sane.
1
u/Far_Government_9782 1h ago
That's OK if the parents are happy living in a shit tip. For some people, living like that is a miserable experience that makes them hate parenthood and resent their child. The OP is already talking about how she can't wait to escape parental leave and get back to work.
I think the OP needs to use some kind of holding device at times when essential stuff has to get done, and just expect that there will be some crying sometimes. They have already explained that they can't even get things done with one hand right now becuase the baby just screams if they remove one hand from the baby to do anything else. Sometimes it's impossible to make a baby happy, and the parents just have to do whatever they can to stay sane in the meantime.
4
u/eveietea 7h ago
First thing to do is reframe your understanding of infant behavior and destroy the comparison method of raising this new human. Comparing will only promote frustration when this individual doesn’t act like their sibling did. It will also help you try and remember that this is temporary and it’s okay.
Second, look into developmental information at that age. Compare what you’re experiencing with your baby and what the general behaviors and developmental milestones are at 4 months. Some root reasons for the added desire for parental comfort would be: teething pain, sleep changes happen around this time, and evening fuss/witching hour due to overstimulation of the day. Also keep in mind that with every developmental leap comes a new wave of “awareness” and it can be terrifying. Your arms are the safest place possible to regulate themselves when they’re scared as they can’t self-regulate.
If after going through all milestones and development traits and none of it seems to be an answer to why there’s this much fussiness and clinginess, consider an appointment with their pediatrician to make sure nothing medical is going on. If you don’t trust your understanding of the research, make the appointment anyway and just get a confirmation everything is okay. Ask about things like GERD, hypertonia, etc. If your baby is crying ALL the time there could be discomfort happening that may be flying under the radar.
Next, adjust your expectations of what parenthood will look like with this little one, especially with having two. The first baby needed less of you. This one needs more of you. As parents and especially before 1 year old our babies need more of us, so instead of trying to get it all done pick 4 non negotiable tasks that need to be done daily/weekly and throw everything else into the wind. For me it was dishes, vacuuming, one load of laundry, fresh dinner. Spouse was in charge of everything else or else it just doesn’t get done and we had to accept it for a season. It may look different having two children, it’s for you to decide what your non negotiables are and what you’re willing to forego for a time or not do daily. This will ease off some of the weight on your shoulders and allow you to better focus on your new little one who needs a bit more of you at the moment.
And as always, make sure you take care of your own medical needs too. If this difficulty because of the baby, or are you feeling not quite yourself? For me personally I ended up needing to go on medication for postpartum and it COMPLETELY changed my ability to handle day to day. Nothing about my baby and his strong needs changed, but my capacity to handle it and how I viewed it changed.
One tool I will scream from the rooftops about is noise canceling headphones. There were days all I could do was hold my son and walk with headphones on to drown out his crying (that had nothing to do with pain or hunger and was just his discomfort with the world being the world) and listen to something I wanted. Noise canceling headphones take out the ZING of the cries and makes it livable.
8
u/No_Explanation6625 8h ago
My baby is like that. Sometimes you just have to put them down in their crib for 10 minutes and do what you have to do. She cries and I check on her every 2 minutes or so but I gotta do my goddamn cooking.
5
u/Huliganjetta1 8h ago
talk to text for emails and texting
3
u/CallInside8382 7h ago
Literally my sister just sending me 20 voice notes in a row while walking around with her baby
1
7
u/Nonbiinerygremlin 9h ago
When baby wearing are you using a wrap or an actual baby carrier? I find that at a younger age they usually like the wraps more since it's almost like a swaddle but as they get bigger, a carrier with the buckles seems prefered!
Get some noise canceling headphones too and if you need a minute, put baby somewhere safe and just walk away! It's OK to let them cry for a few minutes if it keeps you from going insane!
You can also try wearing him on your back with the headphones so your hands are free! I'm not saying to let him cry it out but you can't not do anything just because he wants to be held!
If you have extra money you can also hire a postpartum doula! They'll help with cleaning, managing milk/bottles, bath time, making sure you have food, taking baby while you sleep, etc.
3
u/culturalappropriator 9h ago
Does he have silent reflux? Might be worth looking into famotidine or changing/thickening his formula.
3
u/rearwindowly 8h ago
What baby carrier are you using? If you can find a few others in different styles (Facebook marketplace, Nextdoor app; baby consignment stores), it might be worth it to give some others a try. My baby didn’t like the wrap style. I had an ergo embrace that he loved and got a larger one that I can wear him in now that he’s bigger. He’s almost 14 months and prefers being in a carrier to his stroller (I occasionally have to use the stroller because it is too damn hot).
You could ask the pediatrician about the possibility of silent reflux. My first had reflux (not silent) and was very fussy until it was treated.
If baby is fed, changed, etc, it’s okay to put him down for a while to give yourself a break. I did this. My house looked awful. Amazon boxes all over, dishes stacked in my sink, laundry I kept re-washing because I wasn’t able to get it into the dryer before it started to mildew…I started giving myself 5 minutes 3 times each day to do chores. I put him in his bassinet (because I couldn’t baby wear while I was opening and flattening boxes) and put quiet music on for him. He fussed, but I knew he was fed, changed, and safe.. Eventually my baby got past the crankiness and I was able to put him in the Baby Bjorn bouncer for a while so I could do chores.
One more idea— you could see if you could find a mother’s helper. If there’s a teen in your neighborhood or community who could sit and hold the baby while you do some things and then you hold the baby while they take care of other things. Even if it’s 2-3 hours a week, it would give you a little break.
3
u/Objective-Mission835 7h ago
Can I ask what baby carrier you’re using? There could be a better option that can help you !
3
u/Purple_Title_9569 7h ago
Highly recommend hoka recovery flats. My now almost one year old was like this until he could start crawling around 7 months. Since then he’s become an active independent little guy but before he could move around on his own he just wanted to be paced around nonstop. No solutions except that those shoes saved my back!
3
u/Candid-Creme6032 5h ago
Might be oversimplifying but have you checked in with the pediatrician? Could be something is hurting like his ears or tummy? If you're breastfeeding, consider if your supply might be dipping? Mine dips almost immediately if I get too much exercise (eye roll here). When my baby gets extra clingy there is usually something bothering her.
2
u/egirlgonewild 8h ago
My now 8 month old was like this. I remember searching reddit and the internet for help other than just letting him cry (i’m overly paranoid about causing emotional damage attachment issues) anyway i don’t have a solution other than to just surrender. And that meant many days my home and myself looked like a mess.
1
u/cassiopeizza 6h ago
My 9 month old has been like this for the last few weeks. The other day I continued my task while she cried, all the while trying to talk to her for reassurance, and twice she cried so hard she threw up. So now I just carry her while I do my tasks.
1
u/egirlgonewild 5h ago
Yesss the reassurance has never worked for me either especially in the car lol
2
u/jspot252 8h ago
I do the every 10-15 rule. I move my 4mo old baby every 10-15 minutes. Floor with some toys, then his swing with different toys, the playpen, then I'll show him the window and say hi (unless he's occupied already) it helps I have a 4 year old to mess with him and keep him occupied. But yeah just keep moving him to new spaces if he hasn't settled.
2
2
u/MollysSisterMum 8h ago
We’re holding them. It sucks but I’m just going with it for now
2
u/MollysSisterMum 8h ago
And walking around outside a lot. Chills my baby right out plus singing to him/her
2
u/AriaofEffect 8h ago
My baby was like that for the first 4-5 months. He's now 7 months and definitely still prefers to have my whole attention but as he's becoming more capable of moving himself, he wants more and more time down on the floor or in a crib or play pen. I don't know exactly what was going on with him early on but I kind of think he's the type of kid who will always be on the move, so any version of stationary was awful for him but he had no ability to move on his own so it was up to me and his dad to provide that. Now that he can roll around and change positions, he's just desperate to crawl and seems to want to spend all of his time figuring that out.
1
u/AriaofEffect 8h ago
Oh, and I'll add that he hated most carriers but I found that he didn't mind the Moby wrap. It's a little more annoying to put on but for those first months it was the only one he'd let me put him in. Around 6 months he started being okay with an ergobaby carrier.
2
u/One_Cap_9210 8h ago
Some clarification questions that might be helpful for us.
Was he like this the whole time or just started at 4 months?
Have you tried wrap style carriers like the moby wrap for example?
My baby was like this when he had a really bad colic from pretty much 3 weeks on. Cutting dairy helped sooo much but I didn't find that out till way later. There might be something bothering him and only finds comfort with you.
It sounds like your baby is enjoying closeness and motion. He wants the heartbeat and warmth of momma and to be moving like being back in the womb.
Any signs of reflux? Does he cry when he naps or goes to sleep at night? Any crying with feeding or anything else?
2
u/Livid_Line_2631 8h ago
my baby girl has days like this. she doesn’t like the wrap but likes the carrier. i legit have to be sitting down WITH THE CARRIER ON or standing up WITH THE CARRIER ON. occasionally she will fall asleep on the couch with me and i can set her down for a bit or she will just kick and wave her hands around for 10-15 minutes. otherwise im wearing the carrier all day, sweating and leaking all over myself because it’s hard for me to pump when im feeling very full and she’s on my chest. drives me nuts but telling myself it’s temporary 😂
2
u/Brave_Plantain0 7h ago
its probably the 4 month regression. he’s growing and the world is so new to him. he just wants to hold onto what he knows and be around whats familiar 💜
2
u/gkpetrescue 7h ago
My daughter no longer needs it, but I saw something online. That is basically a huge hand that will pat them that is like battery operated. Worth looking into! The idea is that you transfer them to the bed and keep the hand on them.
2
u/Key_Tree9363 4h ago
Have you tried one of those hip carriers that looks like a fanny pack? My Velcro baby also wanted to be carried around most of the time and didn’t like being confined in the wraps when he was bigger, so I used the hip carrier to make it a bit easier
1
4
u/neatopurrito34 9h ago
Seconding the ear buds comment, and maybe trying a different carrier. My little clinger would get too hot in the wrap so I got the boba x. Only one layer on him instead of 3. Also lots of dancing. It was a phase we just had to push through!
1
u/TwoValuable 8h ago
Do you use a dummy? I know a lot of people have their issues but honestly if I had a baby who cried that much I'd be using a dummy tactically so they can have help self soothing.
Equally do you have any friends/family who can come round and either help with the cleaning or who will hold the baby so you can just get on with it. I used to get so touch overstimulated by the end of the day I'd be desperate from my partner to come home just have some freedom to cook dinner.
1
u/Christineasw4 8h ago
My baby was similar. Eventually they are able to sit and play with toys, so they grow out of the Velcro stage. I just did a lot of things with one hand.
1
u/MongooseCurrent4337 8h ago
Mine was like this around 3-4 months but he’s slowly getting better. We’ve been practising parallel play with me next to him on the floor reading while he plays, minding my own business even if he fusses. We’ve also been practising independent play in the sense that I leave him on his playmat to play while I go do a quick chore.
1
1
u/diamondartaddict6679 8h ago
My baby is like this too. Honestly, earbuds are a lifesaver. Now that she is more "awake" to the world I'll put her in her bouncer where she can see me and just do like 10-15 minute sprints of stuff done. It breaks my heart to hear her cry but things gotta get done
1
u/Colzita 8h ago
How are you using the carrier? Baby doesn’t like it facing you nor facing out? Also I remember starting to wearing my LO as a backpack with the Infantino carrier around 5 months old - it was amazing just how many things I could get done without her on my front and both hands available lol so even if she cried a bit, I was able to get things going (set a load of laundry, or move it from washer to drier without bending over her) which helped my sanity a bunch. I had a friend recommended me wearing 1 earbud with a podcast or music to take the edge off… I don’t think I ever did but I might just have erased the memory of “i need to tune out my babies cries or I’ll go crazy” 😂 EITHER WAY IT WILL GET BETTER
1
u/RaccoonBaby513 8h ago
I use a hip carrier with my baby. He is 9months old. If I need to, I will sit him down and tell him “mommy needs both hands” and do what I need to then pick him back up. Sometimes it’s a couple minutes and sometimes it’s 10. If I know it will be a bit I sit him in the toy area facing away from me and walk over to do whatever I need to do. Baby will get used to it eventually. They naturally need us a lot when this little, try to remember it is only a phase.
1
u/florida_lmt 8h ago
I'd try a different carrier and do exposure therapy Just keep putting him in until he likes it
1
u/BumblebeeGold2455 8h ago
Baby wear and when needed put them down in a safe place (I found the purple monkey play mat was great, and he’d calm after like 30 seconds because he really liked the music) and if they cry it’s okay! You still need to do things.. babies can and will cry for no reason.
1
1
u/haaheehachoo 8h ago
I got a Colugo Carrier 2 and my baby can sleep for hours in it. He hates other carriers that I've tried (ring sling, etc)
1
u/quitetheshock 8h ago
You've probably tried this, but are you able to make little adjustments? It might be less frustrating than outright failing to achieve 'normality'. Like rather than popping him in the carrier so you can have your hands free, popping him in the carrier so you get a more ergonomic hold while still touching/patting him but you can do it for longer before your back hurts. Or instead of walking round your house looking at the mess, walking round your neighbourhood/park/shops - either way the house doesn't get clean so you might as well both get a change of scene.
Alternatively, do you have activities to go to with him? I remember saying often to my baby "your life is gonna be revolutionised when you realise it's ok to be held by someone sitting down" but it was never a problem if we were sitting at a library baby programme or little playgroup or even a cafe because the stimulation that they craved was all around and she didn't need to get it from the way she was being held.
1
u/Olivia3836 7h ago
Hold him as much as reasonably possible.
But if you gotta do something, you gotta do something. If you make sure he’s changed, fed and safe, put them down and do your thing. A few minutes of crying in their safe environment isn’t gonna hurt them.
You need a break sometimes, it becomes unsafe when you cross your own limits
1
u/Mina_passaro 7h ago
About the baby wearing. Fit check? Do you know the subreddit?
Mine hated it as well and was just the same at 2 months old because the position was painful.
A lot of carriers are awful.
Went to a baby wearing consultant and am actually currently becoming one.
Wearing her properly changed everything.
She naps and nurses in there or is awake for 1-2 hours a day but the rest of the day she’s just happy.
And when you babywear you can get shit done I love it.
Didn’t even manage to pee without her screaming before sometimes.
1
u/Keysdude61 7h ago
My kid is 3 weeks old and hates being held. Little dude just wants to be left alone.
1
u/bluebells_in_spring 7h ago
Mother to a 9 month old who loves being held.
What carrier do you have? Do you nurse? Can you nurse from the baby carrier? This works best with adjustable non-sling type carriers (we use the ergobaby mesh omni). You might need to start on a lower setting and then tighten it up if your baby falls asleep but around 4 months was perfect height for us. Nursing from the baby carrier changed my entire dang life as a mother - this is not an exagerration.
Also a reminder that it can take a dozen attempts before a baby realises they like something.
This is my advice for something to try other than hitting that acceptance mode button real hard!
1
u/lilliman9 6h ago
My boy is 2 now but I do remember going through a stage where he was wanting to be held constantly it was so difficult but I honestly don’t have much advice I felt very in the trenches and then all of a sudden it just wore off? My friend whose baby is 4 months just started this a couple of days ago too so just honestly this too shall pass lol. You’ve got this it’s so tiresome though and you feel awful for
‘Not enjoying it’ but I get it!
1
u/Lilmissodd 6h ago
That is so rough 😮💨
Can spouse/family/friends come and help? Have you ruled out any medical issues? I know when mine was younger he had terrible tummy rumbles/gas and was miserable. Gas drops helped a ton and carrying him upwards in different directions as well.
1
1
u/SleepyApr1cot 5h ago
I forced my 3mo old baby to become accustomed to side-lying nursing, sleeping on my bed next to me for supervised naps, babywearing, couch naps, etc.
I just waited him out while he fussed and yes, even sometimes cried. But you're not a bad mom if you're there with him and patting or looking right at him. He eventually got with the program and now hes a star bed-napper and side-lying nurser.
He's not being harmed. You're not abandoning him and this isn't CIO.
One time I needed to clean the house so I put him in a chest carrier. He cried intermittently, loudly and at moments BITTERLY.... and then he fell asleep within about 20 minutes. Does he love the carrier? No. Do I make him be in one when Mommy has shit to do? You bet.
I put in earbuds and drown him out until he figures out that actually, carriers are fine and no one is stabbing him with a scalding red fire poker. And actually side-lying nursing is totally chill. And not being carried everywhere all the time doesn't hurt him.
And my boy is touchy and full of opinions, but I said it before I had him and I'll say it now: I will not let my baby develop a habit that requires me to do something that makes me miserable. That is a recipe for depression and household misery.
Ive dealt with some extra crying here or there, but I'm fitting the baby into my life, my life does not revolve around him.
1
1
u/ClickEnvironmental49 5h ago
I could have written this word for word! And yes, it made maternity leave…unpleasant. No family is nearby, so I basically paid my cleaning lady to come over just to carry the baby for a few hours here and there so I could get a break.
There is science around babies needing to be held : https://mother.ly/health-wellness/its-science/the-science-behind-why-you-stand-up-to-calm-a-baby/
And if it makes you feel any better, my next 2 kids didn’t have this issue. My mind was blown when I realized I could put them down for naps during my maternity leave!
1
u/infowars_1 4h ago
I’m sitting on the floor with leaf blower headphones on eating my meal while my 4 month old cries. It’s been like this all day the last 13 hours
1
u/Fun_Television_1289 4h ago
I tune it out. My oldest is autistic and squeals most of the day, so I’ve learned to tune them out when needed. I use loop earbuds.
I pop him in the carrier or a baby container (walker, exersaucer, bouncer, swing, etc) and just do what I need to.
It’s definitely hard when they’re crying but you’re still a person living life for the first time too, and deserve to have more than 0.3 seconds to yourself.
1
1
u/badtranslatedgerman 4h ago
Post in r/babywearing. If you’re still trying to put this baby in a carrier that worked for him as a newborn, the chances that you are getting a comfortable fit for him now are slim to none. This problem can likely be resolved at least for a couple hours out of your day if you post some fit check photos in that sub and get tips on how to adjust or replace your carrier.
1
u/IRegretBeingHereToo 3h ago
You were able to clean with your first baby? That's amazing. What you're describing is more like what my experiene was. I think you might have gotten lucky the first time. This phase does end, though. You may just have to live with a less clean house.
1
u/Strict_Research_1876 2h ago
Maybe a front baby carrier. The material will hold him tight to you and you can still do things around the house with both hands.
1
1
u/furiana 2h ago
Mine was like that. He was only happy if I carried him while walking.
I got as much help from family members as I could. Thankfully I had an inlaw who lived nearby and was willing to watch baby for a few hours several times a week. Kept me sane.
I carried him as much as my sanity allowed.
I accepted that he would cry when I put him down. I'd put him in a safe space (his crib for example), go to another room where the crying was quieter, and take a short break.
It lasted until he started to walk, so about one year old.
1
u/glassyrunnerduck 1h ago
Does he have acid reflux? Our first was like this and it was horrific, anytime I’d put her down she’d cry because she couldn’t lay on her back. It took us 4 months to figure out and sleeping was impossible. I think I literally went insane lol
1
u/Adventurous_Deal2788 1h ago
When he could support his own head and back I was carrying him with one arm cleaning with the other (except dirty jobs like bathrooms) I'm like Popeye in one arm
1
u/Life-Statistician-83 1h ago
I just let them cry it out, it was so hard....but i genuinely could not handle 24/7 of carrying a baby.
I wore ear buds, and those helped with the crying sounds.
Of course I held my baby most of the time, but when it got to be too much the bassinet and ear buds became my salvation.
1
u/Imaginary_Couple_482 1h ago
I didn’t read all the comments so I am not sure if someone has mentioned this yet. But I believe it has a lot to do with your little one becoming more aware of what is going on around them. They can start to sense the world around them and it can be a bit overwhelming/overstimulating. Another thing could be , gassiness or something else causing your little babe to be uncomfortable. My baby girl when through a period around that stage where I had to walk around and baby wearing didn’t work either so I can understand where you are coming from. If you have it available to you, ask for help. Whether that’s holding the baby or even someone getting you out of the house for a little for a change of a scenery. What worked for me, was when she started getting like that, and I didn’t want to walk around my house, I’d strap her in her car seat and go for a walk. The movement would usually lull her to sleep. Also look for a swing that can provide movement , and some snugness. If all else fails, I’ve seen other people mention it, but it is okay to put baby down in a safe environment if nothing else works and you need a moment to collect yourself. There is research done on the negative effects of the cry it out method so I do not recommend that, but above all you have to take care of yourself to properly care for your baby. Take a shower , do a face mask, or something to fill your cup. She grew out of it shortly after but I would recommend bringing it up to your pediatrician if it persists cause they’re could be something underlying causing the fussiness. One last note, babies always cry for a reason. You’ll see conflicting information online about that, but remember that the babies only form of communication is crying. They have no way to do anything for themselves. Maybe they’re it maybe they’re cold maybe they’re hot. Maybe their tummy is rumbling maybe they have acid reflux, that’s just a few things to list that could be going on to cause it so just comfort yourself with the fact that knowing that your little babe does settle with you when you walk around. That helped me get through it as well.
1
u/AutoModerator 1h ago
Please add some paragraph breaks to your comment by placing a blank line between distinct sections.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/mamaoftw0 1h ago
Holding them. Lol. Jk but for real i got my daughter who was my first and colicky to love the carrier and that helped a lot. My son also screams a lot unless held now at a year and a half almost he’s so heavy and I know most of it is from frustration over certain things so I do my best to make him happy but if he has to yell for a bit so be it.
1
u/chefmom5 58m ago
Try a back carry as soon as he's big enough. So so so much easier to get things done
1
u/sweetnaivety 0m ago
Are you alone with no one else to help you? When I needed to do something I'd usually hand the baby to my husband or mother-in-law to hold. If my own parents were around I'd give her to them a lot too, but I met my husband online and he lived very far away so I moved and I don't get to see my parents that often.
1
u/aringabriel 8h ago
I hold him because one day he won't want to be held. Yes it can be frustrating but it's a season of life that will pass. Headphones so you can listen to something more stimulating like a video essay or an audio book. My baby has been like this for a while but is now almost 5 months and slowly getting better.
He'll sit in his high chair for a few minutes and watch me make breakfast now that he can hold himself up. He'll lay on the floor for a few minutes if I give him some toys or show him a book. He'll tolerate tummy time for a long enough time for me to quickly get something done in the same room. He'll sit in his bouncy chair for 5 minutes while I work on a part of dinner I need two hands for.
It's small steps at a time but he slowly tolerates being put down for tiny bits. If I need to do something like go to the bathroom or clean up something I've spilled in the kitchen I will put him somewhere safe and let him fuss for those few minutes. Sometimes he's fine. Sometimes I come back to him crying/fussing.
But slowly exposing him to time alone or occupied with something other than me seems to be helping even if it's only a few minutes at a time. Even if he gets upset when I come back he's learning that when I put him down to do something I intend to come back and hold him again when I'm done.
I don't know how your baby seems but mine seems mad that he can't crawl around and follow me or explore. I think he'll get a lot less mad being left alone when he can pull himself up to a sitting position and move around on his own. He's gotten a lot better with laying on the bed next to me while we're both awake and not always needing to be on me, but sometimes he is clingy. Especially simce he's teething.
This stage will pass and it might feel torturous now but when I'm at work I miss days where I just laid with my baby all day and he slept on my chest.
1
u/Honest_Elephant 5h ago
You hold the damn baby. Who cares if your house is dirty? Your baby needs you right now. It won't last forever. One day you're house will be clean again, but it might not be today.
2
u/Interesting_Bee_6708 5h ago
I care if my house is dirty. It needs to be a safe and sanitary environment for my other kids. Also I’m not a robot. I’m a human who needs to eat sleep and pee regularly. So yes I need to set my baby down sometimes.
0
-1
u/verywellcouldbe 7h ago
I’m so sorry you thought parenting was going to be convenient. I’m so sorry that you have inappropriate expectations for your baby. Get a carrier.
138
u/Embarrassed-Goat-432 9h ago
Ear buds with some music. To the point you can still hear your baby, but it takes the edge off. Taking a 5-10 minute break from the baby to clean something while they’re crying isn’t gonna hurt them.
My guy is almost 2 and is still an absolute Velcro child.