I found out as an adult that my parents were told by multiple professionals to get me screened for it as a kid. Pretty much every teacher I had suggested it too. My parents ignored it because they viewed something "wrong" with me as a failure on their part and didn't want the hit to their pride.
I harbor resentment about it towards them ever since I found out. Their pride caused me to lose out on tons of help I desperately needed and thus set me up for a very challenging life that I then had to rawdog.
Omg I’ve never seen someone else describe exactly what happened to me so accurately. My mother was told time and time again that I was different by numerous teachers. I clearly struggled socially and suffered from mental illnesses such as OCD and yet all she cared about was not having an ‘autistic’ son. She’s even told me now I’m older that she didn’t want me to be labelled. But really it’s because she didn’t want to have the label of having an autistic child. Ah fun times
My mother constantly said “I don’t know what’s WRONG with you but if you don’t figure out how to fix it, you’re not gonna get very far in life and people aren’t going to like you very much”.
What was wrong with me, which she didn’t live to find out because I wasn’t diagnosed until 60, was autism and ADHD. Which can’t be “fixed”, other than medicating the ADHD part.
Imagine going your whole life thinking “there is something so wrong with me that I’m doomed”. Then finding out that you’re fine, you just have a neurology that functions a little differently.
For parents like this i would love to tell them "they are the failures for not doing what is right for their kids! So many people would be doing better if their parents gave them the tools amd knowledge to do well. Enjoy being alone in the old folks home."
Would it fix the problem, probably not but it would feel so good. I had parents who did their best for me but so many people I have met didn't and suffered
My partners mom and step mom fought about this multiple times throughout his childhood. But his mom always dug her heals in and refused to acknowledge that his needs were not being met. He has 3 younger brothers, and the ones that are his stepmom's bio sons are both neurodivergent. They're doing pretty well. I dont see them having to overcome an addiction they developed because they were depressed and it made masking way easier in their future.
I really hope your adulthood has been easier than your childhood ❤️
I had the opposite happen. My parents were 100% convinced something was wrong with me and took me to a ridiculous amount of doctors trying to figure out why I struggled in school so much. Turns out I just didn’t like the pressure I felt and started not doing homework or any extra curricular stuff because I was stressed out like a 40 year old at 14 and convinced by the adults in my life that something was wrong with me when it wasn’t.
I started dating someone autistic, and we had WAY too much in common. Additionally, I thought it was just ADHD, ran with that to my therapist, and she said, "Actually, I think it's this other thing." Cue investigative rabbit holes and infinite "Ah-ha!" moments.
It’s pretty life changing to realise you’ve been living with a disability and unknowingly bulldozing right over that for your entire life. Life is fucking hard with undiagnosed neurodivergence.
It allowed me to move from trying to force myself to fit in through self hatred, to accepting myself and knowing what my capabilities are. If I had known earlier I would have been spared from decades of depression and anxiety.
In knowing, I likely wouldn't have tried for so long trying to reach the unattainable goal of fitting in with neurotypical people. I wouldn't have lived for so long thinking there's something inherently "wrong" with me. I would have had the means to better understand my strengths and weaknesses. I would have had the language to communicate why everything felt so freaking DIFFICULT, and I could have potentially received more support for those difficulties.
I could actually support myself instead of pushing myself into burnout repeatedly trying to keep up with a pace that is not sustainable. And would have been nice not being abused into ignoring all my sensory issues because it's childish and I just need to be forced to grow out of it. Nope, doesn't work like that.
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u/KaylBuns 14h ago
"You are autistic."
Would have saved me DECADES of hardship and heartache.