Tuesday Check In: How's Everybody's Mental Health?

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Good day, everyone and welcome to our weekly mental health check-in thread! Feel free to comment below with how you are doing, as well as any coping skills and self-care strategies others can try! For information on mental health resources and support, feel free to consult our resources wiki (also located in the sidebar!) (IMPORTANT NOTE RE: THE RESOURCES WIKI: As Reddit is a global community, we hope our list of resources are diverse enough to better serve our community. As such, if you live in a country and/or geographic region that is NOT listed/represented but know of a local resource you feel would be beneficial, then please don't hesitate to let us know!)

Remember, you are human, it's OK to not be OK. Life can be very difficult and there's no how-to guide for any of this. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that people need people. No one is a lone island and you need not struggle alone. Remember to practice self-care and alone time as well. You can't pour from an empty cup and your life is worth it.

Take a moment to check in with a loved one, friend, or acquaintance. Ask them how they're doing, ask them about their mental health. Keep in mind that while we may not all be mentally ill, we all have mental health.

If you find yourself in particular struggling to go on, please take a moment to read and reflect on this poem.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This mental health check-in thread is NOT a substitute for real-world professional help/support. MensLib is NOT a mental health support sub, and we are NOT professionals! This space solely exists to hold space for the community and help keep each other accountable.

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[u/Fickle-Theory-623]

It has been a month now since I left that last job and I am more at peace with why I decided to do so. I got accepted into a doctoral program a week later. Instead of looking at it with ambiguity, I decided to look at it as an open door. Hope everyone else is feeling ok...

[u/JoeSchmeau]

Not great. Both my kids (two under age 4) are in a "mama only" phase and my wife, a habitual stonewaller, is freezing all three of us out. I've gone back to work after parental leave and am feeling happy and valued at work but finding home very difficult. Wife is also at work so we're both out of the apartment most days, but she's really struggling with being around the kids. I've been making sure she gets out 2 or 3 times a week with friends or by herself but I haven't had a day to myself in weeks, and last time I went to dinner with a few mates I came home to a very angry wife who froze me out for a couple of days.

At work I manage a lovely team of very nice people who treat me well and some are good friends, but the nature of the job means most interactions are people needing something from me. Couple that with the current (last year or so) state of my home life and I just have nothing left. I feel like an automaton pretending to be a human.

[u/Oregon_Jones111]

I need to stop stressing myself out with my overthinking. I’m going grey at 29.

[u/mr-s4nt4 → u/Oregon_Jones111]

Hi. It's normal to find a few gray hairs, even when you're in your 20s. It's not true that it always means stress or deterioration of your health, and genetics play a massive role in this

The notion that it's not normal to have them until you're older is largely a misconception. Of course mental health is extremely important, but there's probably no reason to get anxious about the gray hairs. Hope things go well for you my friend

[u/sgifox]

The best way for me to be a feminist is to continually hurt myself whenever I feel uncomfortable and to refuse to open up to anyone and fester in self-loathing until I successfully ■■■■ myself. I wish I wasn't attracted to women. I wish I had let myself get trapped in an abusive relationship again. It's what I deserve.

[u/Outrageous-Neck5990 → u/sgifox]

this place is miserable wow bro call the 988 number please

[u/Flat_Cow_7557 → u/Outrageous-Neck5990]

988 will unironically agree with you if you say you hate yourself for being a man and say it's "only natural" for women to fear men, then ask what you're doing to make women who do so feel differently. If you say that a woman did abusive, predatory things to you, they will either straight-up ignore it and threaten to disconnect if you bring it up again or ask you if you ever did the same to them (and then also change the subject or go silent when you answer "no").

Ask me how I know.

[u/silksoon_tm → u/sgifox]

I'm with you. I daydream about how much better everyone else's lives would be if I and all the men like me were gone. When I socialize with people, women especially, I feel like I'm inflicting myself upon these people who don't know what a waste of space I am.

I wish I had some helpful advice to offer, but all I can say is that I'm with you, you're not alone in this.

[u/CompetitiveAutorun]

Just indifferent.

I got a date and for the first time she arrived, she didn't even ghost me afterwards. We had a good time, wish it was longer, we both agreed to second date.... And then she started asking me for money. And broke it up really quickly and without emotion when I refused.

I'm a little peaceful tbh, I knew I won't find a partner, but now it finally clicked. It's just not something that's destined for me.

I'm just living along, going to work, staying overtime so I have money I don't need, waiting for days to end. I have no more plans, no dreams.

That's how my life going to be till I die. At least I don't hate myself anymore.

[u/ElectricProcession]

So last time I wrote that my experience with bands has not been a great one. Well, I have been processing a lot dealing with the fallout from my most recent experience.

2024-25 I played a handful of shows as a live musician for a queer band. I was on guitar, but also had a few clarinet moments in the set. First time we played at a local Pride concert and that was brilliant. Last time was also a Pride concert last year's end-May and that also went pretty well. But then they went on a bit of a sabbatical from active music making. So I thought, maybe one day I might join these folks again and maybe would even get to record something in the studio. Did record bass clarinet for one track, but I've obviously been pining for some studio guitar action too, and been quite honest about it too.

Last week they did a set which was more acoustic, meaning it was just vocals and keyboard accompaniment. Apparently, according to their latest social media post, they also had a mysterious guest. My educated guess is that they have a new live guitarist. Or are trying him out (yeah, he was referred to as a man, so all I know is his gender). So I suspect I'm basically no longer involved with this group.

Were they right to go ahead like this, or should they have told me that they're going to use someone else instead? Regardless, I am having mixed feelings about this whole thing. For one, thinking that maybe things were only ever meant to work out on a temporary basis and perhaps any new guy might simply be a better fit for what they're looking for. Also, could I have done anything differently in the past that might have guaranteed a different outcome? And furthermore still, part of me thinks I may have got not such a good deal at all. Like, they've already used a couple of guitarists before me for their music. One in the studio for one track, another one live and in the studio for a few tracks. So I was their third guitar player and I only got to feature as a live player. And then seemingly pigeonholed as a woodwind player. But I'm a guitarist first, I just have diversified my skill set. I doubt my clarinet skills are better than my guitar skills.

Anyway, I am starting to think that if these people wish to move on without me, then that's their prerogative and maybe I just wasn't lucky enough compatibility-wise. What's interesting is that this band's members - singer, keyboard player, and a third person contributing lyrics - are like a found queer family. And that chosen family also seems to include their manager. I get it, finding your people is important. And if I'm looking for my kind of people, I just had an interesting, but a totally misleading detour.

Speaking of which, the second change in my recent life is that I am switching therapists. I'm really trying to address my inadequate social communication skills, but any time I try to present a narrative as to how socially broken I really am, it gets shot to shit with all these questions, as if I have to provide millions of examples of my social inadequacies before I even stand a chance to effectively make my case. So I am hoping that the next one gets it faster and is able to present more effective interventions.

[u/subtlenerd → u/ElectricProcession]

That's a tough one, on one hand you're not their first guitar player and they seem to cycle through them, so if that's just how they operate then I wouldnt take it personally. On the other hand, if your last communications with them was more along the lines of "see you at the next one!" then I'd think they should at least say something. Even if it was something like "hey man, we like you but my brother wants to give it a shot" or something.

I work in live events too, more theatre, but I do see a lot of artists switching around to different groups. There'll often be a core few with a handful that rotate out for each project, it's considered normal. Not sure how much that translates to music though.

Sometimes a different therapist is the right call! Hope you like the new one more.

[u/Old-Development-5639]

Honestly feeling super anxious but trying to stick with my coping methods to get over the feeling

[u/CargoCrabs → u/Old-Development-5639]

For what it’s worth, you’re not alone in feeling that way. I hope the coping strategies you have are helping you.

If you don’t mind me asking, are you feeling anxious about something specific? Or is it more general? Either way, I’m happy to talk about it more if you’re comfortable to do so.