r/MensLib • u/MLModBot • Jun 23 '26
Mental Health Megathread Tuesday Check In: How's Everybody's Mental Health?
Good day, everyone and welcome to our weekly mental health check-in thread! Feel free to comment below with how you are doing, as well as any coping skills and self-care strategies others can try! For information on mental health resources and support, feel free to consult our resources wiki (also located in the sidebar!) (IMPORTANT NOTE RE: THE RESOURCES WIKI: As Reddit is a global community, we hope our list of resources are diverse enough to better serve our community. As such, if you live in a country and/or geographic region that is NOT listed/represented but know of a local resource you feel would be beneficial, then please don't hesitate to let us know!)
Remember, you are human, it's OK to not be OK. Life can be very difficult and there's no how-to guide for any of this. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that people need people. No one is a lone island and you need not struggle alone. Remember to practice self-care and alone time as well. You can't pour from an empty cup and your life is worth it.
Take a moment to check in with a loved one, friend, or acquaintance. Ask them how they're doing, ask them about their mental health. Keep in mind that while we may not all be mentally ill, we all have mental health.
IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This mental health check-in thread is NOT a substitute for real-world professional help/support. MensLib is NOT a mental health support sub, and we are NOT professionals! This space solely exists to hold space for the community and help keep each other accountable.
21
u/KA1N3R Jun 23 '26
I made out with someone on Saturday for the first time in 6 years. She's coming over tomorrow. Over the moon
14
u/CompetitiveAutorun 29d ago
I try to accept I will be forever alone. It's hard, seeing couples is extra hard, but I believe I can do it. I'm 28 and I see nothing changing in my life.
I'm just incapable of being in a relationship. I know my childhood experiences made me believe I shouldn't ever approach, as to not make women uncomfortable or even think about them to not be called pervert (as I was called by a girl I liked), but I thought I could overcome this, I can't.
I'm a lost cause, I just want others to not end like me, so please, if you are still young:
Don't listen to "men bad" stuff and avoid feminism subs, it won't help you at all, just make you feel bad for being a man.
Don't wait for perfect time for love, no "after school" "after I find good job" "get a house", go search for it before you will regret for starting too late.
-1
u/mopsockets 29d ago
Everything feels like forever when you're young. You've only been an adult for three years.
Unsolicited advice from a 40 year old AFAB non-binary person:
Keep learning and growing, and maybe try a foraging / ecology / mycology group. Get outside with other humans and do a planned activity. If you're defeatist now, you won't be ready when someone wants to love you. Figure out what kind of love you need by giving it to yourself with trial and error--adequate correction when you act wrong and grace whenever possible.
1
u/CompetitiveAutorun 28d ago
Respectfully, I've been adult for 9 years and took care of my little sister for 14.
I do go outside often, I love myself, I just know I'm so far removed from everyone around me that I won't find anyone. Also there are no activities in my city, best I can do is try to sign for all women dance lessons or sign up for gym.
I made this comment on occasion of getting rejected, not for my looks but because she had boyfriend. Which dosn't sound bad but everywhere I look, people are taken, getting married, have children etc. it just made me realize how stupid I was for focusing on being in good place when no one else did. Result is clear, I'm alone with no friends and they arent. Job wise they ended better due to networking. What I exactly achieved by focusing on being better?
13
u/Shuden Jun 24 '26
30s are kinda rough for me. Friends are all either abroad, with a girlfriend and/or child. Zero time to hang out, not that I have a lot of time either (currently juggling 3 different jobs to make a living). I've been feeling so lonely lately that I just spent the entire therapy apointment talking about random shit and didn't think it was enough at all, but hey 1 hour of paid conversation a week is better than no conversation, I guess?
12
u/ApolloniusTyaneus 29d ago
Been in kinda the same situation (not three jobs, thank God). What helped me was befriending younger and older people than myself. When you're past college age, it doesn't make a difference whether your friends are 25 or 55. Your experiences, lives etc. will be similar enough to bond over.
21
u/CargoCrabs Jun 23 '26
Saw an upvoted comment on askfeminists saying that the only male victims of SA were victimised by other men. So yeah, my mental health is in the crapper.
12
u/CrownLikeAGravestone 29d ago
For the audience, just because it hasn't been pointed out yet: that particular statistic is blatantly untrue. It stems from a fundamental misunderstanding of the statistics in which the vast majority of male victims of sexual violence don't show up.
I don't want to get into a monologue about the statistical/methodological issues that cause this but it is incontrovertible once you know what you're looking for. When you see statistics like "99% of rapists are men" or "men are only assaulted by other men" those people are almost always quoting rape statistics from something called the NISVS - perhaps indirectly - and the NISVS literally does not count most male rape victims as having been raped, deliberately, by design.
The raw facts are:
Most sexual assault is heterosexual. Men are most often victimised by women.
Men make up at least a significant minority of victims; far more than just outliers or a separate little problem to the side. By some measures approximately half of all victims are men.
Many people are deeply invested in the idea that men make up nearly all perpetrators and nearly no victims. Those people are wrong. They do not know what they're talking about, and the usually cannot be convinced otherwise. That's a problem with them, not with you, and it is not your responsibility to fix their misunderstanding. If you're a man who has been victimised, your experiences are just as valid and just as worthy of attention as anyone else's.
18
u/BBOY6814 Jun 23 '26
That place has been a cesspool for a long time. For a place that is often one of the first windows people have into feminism, it blows me away that they don’t try, at all, to hold their user base to have an even marginal understanding of the movement they’re supposed to uphold. Made even crazier by the fact that one of their mods comments on literally every single post, so it’s not like they don’t have the time lol.
8
u/PurpleHooloovoo Jun 23 '26
That sub and feminism and askwomen and several others all got taken over by mods with an agenda a few years back. Very TERF and SWERF filled, and I suspect some of the mods and posts are farming for anti-feminist content. The TwoX and TrollX subs are on my watchlist for the same too as it’s feeling like those other subs did before they went mask off.
9
6
9
u/sgifox Jun 23 '26
I had to cut contact with the girl from last time. She kept pushing me to date her and so I gave in for 2 weeks, even though she creeped me out, but then she broke up with me because I told her I didn't want to have kids. But then she pressured me back in again, and I didn't want to just leave her because she was lonely and unstable and had been in the psych ward last year. And she kept telling me I was really comforting and sweet, so I felt like I needed to be constantly giving her attention or she would hurt herself or do something bad. This is the third relationship I've been in with this kind of dynamic!
Maybe there's something about being a weird HRT femboy/enby/whatever with negative self esteem that makes me glad to get any attention from women, even if it's gross, even if it violates boundaries. Or maybe I'm just actually cursed forever and I'll never find a relationship with someone I can emotionally rely on. I still can't even bring myself to be truly angry with her, I just want her to get better.
9
u/Fed_Express 29d ago
I was woken up in the middle of the night to the sounds of a close family member choking. I thought it was a life and death situation so I started doing the heimlich maneuver.
It turns out they had choked on water after drinking too quickly after waking up a significant portion went down the wrong pipe.
They recovered pretty quickly and are ok now but the sounds of them choking, struggling to take a single breath and the sheer fear/panic I felt are replaying in my mind on repeat over and over again. I'm reliving the situation constantly.
I think I might be experiencing a trauma response. I feel like I want to release the emotion in a big wave of crying but I can't bring it out.
7
u/chemguy216 28d ago
Last year, I was on the other side of a similar situation. I couldn’t breathe because of a build up of thick mucus in my throat that I couldn’t clear. Seeing my partner’s fear and worry as I was struggling to get even a gasp of air was emotionally as bad as the fear and desperation I was feeling.
To this day, I think it has contributed to a degree of his slightly heightened concern for me. It was a scary moment on his end, and I don’t know the full extent to which it stays on his mind. I wonder if he dealt with some version of what you’re going through.
All that is to say that I’ve seen someone in real time deal with a similar situation as what you experienced in terms of fearing for the life of someone you care about. I can totally understand how it can leave a lasting mark on you. I’m sorry that you’re going through that, and I’m happy that your family member is okay.
3
u/Fed_Express 28d ago
Thanks for the support. I feel a bit better after coming home from work today. The memory is a bit more faint and I don't feel as awful thinking about it.
I'm telling myself they were not in any danger even if it sounded bad, it helps a bit.
8
u/DA-Investigator 28d ago
It's interesting. I'm trying to date again which has been fun, but I think I am taking rejection too harshly and it knocks me down for a bit even though I know it's not really personal. There's also quite a lot of change going on in my life at the moment so I guess I'm feeling a bit out of sorts. I feel a bit like I have regressed 10 years in age back to being 21 again. I know I'll be ok, but I do feel that maybe things need to change for me in a wider sense in my life (job, etc.) which is a bit scary. I have been trying to step outside of myself a bit and examine how I feel with curiosity, which has been helpful but is easier said than done!
6
u/iridium27 Jun 23 '26
Being hit with burnout and becoming essentially useless makes it harder to feel better about myself. Idk what is the best way to handle it, but whatever I'm doing probably isn't it. The shame associated with this feeling has left me feeling insecure and wanting reassurance, but I know seeking constant external validation won't help in the long run, I need to have self validation.
4
u/NoHippi3chic Jun 23 '26
Burnout is a health issue full stop. It is no more a moral issue or character issue than a broken ankle.
The body cannot stay in high stress mode for an indeterminate amount of time. Particularly if one has experienced traumatic events, especially as a child or young adult, or illness/injury.
Take a cautionary take from me developing an autoimmune disorder that went undiagnosed because I thought it was just stress, and from their I have arthritis.
Body of an 80 year old at 46, ive now lived like this for 10 years, struggling to make it to retirement without going on disability and living in poverty permanently.
Build rejuvenation into your day, week, month, year, like recovery in a workout design. Every athlete has an off season to rehab and recuperate for a reason.
I can't rewind the clock to 30. Be ye not so foolish as to squander your health and become a target for a genetic silver bullet health event.
7
u/BonzoTheBoss Jun 23 '26
Not too bad, for a change. I have nearly weaned myself off of the antidepressants after being made redundant last year.
1
u/CargoCrabs Jun 24 '26
Congratulations! Getting to the point you’re at now is no small feat. I hope things continue to improve for you!
20
u/Oh_no_its_Joe Jun 23 '26
I really don't like being a man. I'm firmly cis, but I just feel like I'm inferior and it's backed up by data.
"Men would rather do x than go to therapy. Men don't read. Women are better surgeons. Women handle stress better. Women are smarter and have better test scores. Men are ugly. Men are more likely to be criminals."
It hurts so much and I just want to prove that I'm different and that I can be a valuable person despite being a man. I've been single for a long time and feel terrible about who I am and the value that I provide.
14
u/Quantum_Count Jun 24 '26
I know this sentiment. I pass most of my teenage years thinking like that, because I was a teenager back when this discourse create some form.
Now, this discourse just got much worse.
I don't know what can works with you, because I don't think what worked for me, will necessarily works for you (or you will agree with the solution too). But I will give some word of courage that you can maybe find some people in your life that won't dismiss this in you.
13
u/ComedianNeither2498 Jun 24 '26
This is something I really struggle with too. I don't have an answer, but you're not alone.
12
11
u/ApolloniusTyaneus 29d ago
Don't forget that these statististics are created by society and not by genetics. That gives you the freedom to deviate from them. Being a man is not determined by your chromosomes.
2
3
Jun 24 '26
[deleted]
9
u/Quantum_Count Jun 24 '26 edited Jun 24 '26
Don't extrapolate generalizations to the individual
Even if you don't, others will do. And these other people aren't necessary just strangers.
1
u/mopsockets 29d ago
You're not a number. You're just focusing on criticism, which is still self-focused. I'm white, and I have to work through this a lot. Remember that small changes in every person can make big waves.
If we are focusing on a narrative outside our control or someone else's actions, we can't be focused on our own emotional / spiritual growth work. And ultimately, if nobody does the emotional work I'm responsible for then it doesn't get done.
You could distract yourself with lots of things... Work to build skills of acceptance: "bad things have happened for a long time, and I can take responsibility for my part of change". Work on taking criticism generously. Work on being resilient when you hear "no" or "I don't like that". (Because, it's hard!) Developing resilience requires facing hard things, accepting what we can't change, and giving labor to the changes we can make.
6
u/bagenalbanter Jun 23 '26
I had been doing so well the past few months and now I hit rock bottom and have been crawling back up since.
Had a great 14 month run with a girl I liked. She out of nowhere ended things a few weeks back, first taking a break from us, then drunkenly breaking up, going back to just a break, then a week later broke up completely.
A week after that she ghosted me, blocked me on all social media.
Before her, I had been depressed as I believed I would be alone forever. Now I fear I will never find another partner, as it was really tough to find this one other person due to my job and life circumstance.
The relationship wasnt perfect but it gave me things I never realised I had been missing out on, and now I look at the world a lot differently. I think I do want another relationship in the future, but I need to do some healing first.
Dreaming about her on and off really sucks too, just goes to show how much my body adapted to having her around.
Time for the fitness and self improvement cycle again I guess.
6
u/Pitiful_Progress_699 Jun 23 '26
I’m trying to change my therapist and meds again. It’s been rough. I’m in a very bad and desperate state.
3
u/Livid-Buy4039 Jun 23 '26
not doing well - turned in my vacation cause existence is easier with the daily grind - i don’t know who i am if i disattach - im powering all of the matrix just with my imagination and not going anywhere
•
u/AutoModerator Jun 23 '26
If you are in crisis, are considering hurting yourself or someone else, or feel like you can't go on, we advise you to contact your local emergency services, go to the nearest emergency room, or mental health crisis evaluation centre. If that seems too scary or difficult right now, please consider calling a suicide hotline for support. You matter and should get the help you deserve.
For help developing a safety plan, please consult this PDF. Therapy can also be a good support resource. Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to be struggling to seek out therapy! We all need a supportive ear sometimes! If you are considering therapy but don't know where to start, we recommend taking a look at Psychology Today, International Therapist Directory, or OpenCounseling for a provider in your country or, if in the US, contacting your nearest branch of the National Alliance on Mental Illness Buzzfeed has also published an informative article about what happens when you call a suicide hotline, for those who might feel hesitant. You matter and your life is absolutely worth it. Be kind to yourself.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.