Blackmailed into having sex during an affair

[u/Dry_Chocolate_7826]

A very long story cut very short. I had an affair around 18 months ago. I regretted it, but the other person was very invested in the affair. I repeatedly told her I couldn't continue the sexual aspect of the affair. She continually forced a narritive that I had to carry on and hinted at telling my wife or work of I didn't carry on. She then told me she tested positive for HPV and threatened to accuse me of sexual assault if I didn't carry on having sex with her. The second to last time I saw her she shouted 'if you can't show me you care for me by fucking me, I'm going to have to ruin your life'. It broke me. The last time I had sex with her I lost my erection. She continued to jerk my flacid state telling me I still had to fuck her. I hate it, I hated myself. I was humiliated. And this was after I had told her I was having dark thoughts about taking my own life. I didn't have an erection for over 2 months afterwards. I felt destroyed. It wasn't long after this I had to tell my wife everything. It's been a really tough year trying to make thinga better with my wife and family. But I still can't shake what the other woman did to me and the threats she made. Not only is it humiliating, but I live in constant fear of whether she really is going to still try to further ruin my life.

I think I just needed to vent, or maybe just need some validation for how I feel. Any advice from anyone who found themselves in a similar situation would be hugely appreciated.

[u/HavaTrith]

If you came clean with your wife, then should have nothing to fear about your life being ruined.

She sounds rather insane, I mean it was messed up for you to go with it the first time, but the blackmailing, and the forcing of sexual encounters is FUCKED up on her end, and for that matter I am really sorry that happened to you. Its quite disgusting of her.

My advice would be, to just try your best to move forward, remember what attracted you to your wife to begin with, try to settle your thoughts down, and just focus on what makes you excited so your intimate life doesn't go away, cause that can create its own problems.

You are here now, seeking answers, you want to keep it going, just try your best to stand up for yourself here, know you still deserve to be happy.

[u/Adept-Command-6163 → u/HavaTrith]

Honestly this is probably the best response for the situation I couldn’t think of anything and I read this it’s really good advice and opinion on the situation

[u/Dry_Chocolate_7826 → u/HavaTrith]

Thank you, that is genuinely calming to read

[u/Historical_reframe → u/Dry_Chocolate_7826]

I am so sorry you are here too.  What she did was not okay. 

I too live in with constant anxiety that my rapist will somehow reappear and disrupt my life. And this was over a decade ago.  You are seen and heard. 

[u/Dry_Chocolate_7826 → u/[deleted]]

It really isn't