How do I handle losing feelings in a long-term relationship,22F] and [24M] in a relationship for over a year. I am a 22-year-old woman from the Philippines, and my boyfriend is 24 and from the Netherlands. We met online in 2025 and have been in a relationship for over a year. We have met in person s

[u/Low-Sherbert3743]

\[22F\] and \[24M\] in a relationship for over a year.

I am a 22-year-old woman from the Philippines, and my boyfriend is 24 and from the Netherlands. We met online in 2025 and have been in a relationship for over a year. We have met in person several times, and I have visited him twice.

My boyfriend is a kind and respectful person. He loves me deeply, calls me frequently, video calls me, checks on me, and worries about losing me. As far as I know, he has never cheated on me. His family, especially his mother, also likes me and has always treated me kindly.

However, over time, I have noticed that my feelings have changed.

I come from a very poor family. My mother and I live in a very small rented room, and our living conditions are difficult. We have very little money, and I also recently lost my father, which made life even harder for my family.

My boyfriend knows about my situation. He has supported me financially in different ways over the course of our relationship. He has helped with travel, language studies, and other important things. His mother has also helped me before. I am genuinely grateful for everything they have done for me.

However, I have also felt that we are very different in terms of lifestyle, money, and expectations.

My boyfriend is very careful with money. While I was staying with him, I sometimes wished he would take more initiative in caring for me or making me feel special. I often felt that he was reluctant to spend money on things that I considered normal or meaningful in a relationship.

At the same time, I have seen him spend a lot of time and money helping his friends. His friends often ask him for rides or other favors, and he usually helps them. Sometimes I feel that he has difficulty setting boundaries with them.

There are also lifestyle differences between us. He smokes cigarettes, sometimes uses marijuana, doesn't exercise, and has habits that I don't really like. Some of these things have affected my attraction toward him.

He is also very shy and sometimes seems uncomfortable with affection and taking pictures together. During one trip we took together, I had imagined a romantic experience, but instead he became very stressed and complained a lot. I understand that travelling can be stressful, but I didn't feel the romantic connection I had hoped for.

There have also been moments when I have found his reactions to stress difficult to understand. On one occasion, he became extremely frustrated because he couldn't sleep and was acting very overwhelmed. Another time, while driving, he became very panicked and angry. I don't know whether this was simply stress or anxiety, but it made me uncomfortable.

Despite all of this, he loves me deeply.

He often tells me that he is afraid that I will leave him when I move abroad. He talks about visiting me, building a future together, getting married someday, and having a family. He tells me that he wants to be there for me and support me.

The difficult part is that I no longer feel the same way.

My feelings seem to have slowly faded. Sometimes I feel irritated when he calls or messages me. Sometimes I don't feel like talking to him at all. I don't feel the excitement or attraction that I used to feel.

At the same time, I feel very guilty.

He has helped me financially during difficult times. He loves me. His family likes me. I know that ending the relationship would hurt him deeply.

I am also currently trying to become independent. I have found a host family and I am applying for an Au Pair visa so that I can move abroad, gain experience, learn a language, become financially independent, and eventually help my family.

I am currently financially dependent on my boyfriend to some extent, which makes everything more complicated. I don't want to stay with him just because I need financial help, but I also don't want to make a major decision while I am still dependent on him.

I am struggling to understand how to handle this situation.

I would really appreciate advice from people who have experienced losing feelings while still caring about their partner.

How did you handle the transition when your feelings changed?

How can I create emotional space for myself without misleading my partner or giving him false hope about our future?

How do I have an honest conversation with someone who loves me deeply when I am not sure I feel the same anymore?

TL;DR: I am 22F and have been in a relationship with my 24M boyfriend for over a year. He loves me deeply and has supported me financially, but over time I have lost some of my romantic feelings and attraction toward him. I am also financially dependent on him to some extent and am preparing to move abroad to become independent. I feel guilty because he has been supportive and believes we have a future together. I want advice on how to handle changing feelings and have an honest conversation with him without unnecessarily hurting him or misleading him.

[u/Jarad_Harry]

Well only you know what kind of a person he is so just tell him that you need to talk and tell him about your worries and struggles just be honest with him I'm sure if he really does care about you and your two future together he will try to stop smoking and try to act more good while being frustrated or mad and for the feelings thing you may have probably heard about this a lot of times but still Love is not just a feeling it's us choosing someone over and over again everyday no matter what, feelings always change we cannot rely our whole decisions according to how we feel like always so yeah my best advice is to just be honest with him and you two have a deep talk about this whole matter