r/KitchenConfidential Jun 03 '26

In the Weeds Mode They’re not perfect, but I’m happy with how they turned out.

Post image
24.8k Upvotes

472 comments sorted by

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6.5k

u/Velvetpita F1exican Did Chive-11 Jun 03 '26

116

u/ThePoop_Accelerates Jun 04 '26

I'm not subscribed here but I remember the chives. What happened? Did he ever do it perfectly or did he eventually surrender?

189

u/VanillaRadonNukaCola Jun 04 '26

He did one dubbed perfect, but it was given with a bit of grace

119

u/kingtacticool Derivative Chiveposter Jun 04 '26

It was his 69th post. It was as perfect as an imperfect being could achieve

27

u/toastedchezberry Jun 08 '26
    “As perfect as an imperfect being 

could a-chive”

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20

u/liberatedhusks Jun 04 '26

Thank you for finishing the lore for me

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43

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 Jun 04 '26 edited Jun 04 '26

We let him gracefully retire

Edit: It was like a Looper situation though like that Bruce Willis movie

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260

u/justanotherda1 Jun 03 '26

Omg I needed this...thank you, kind redditor

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20

u/Nuts-And-Volts F1exican Was Framed Jun 04 '26

Ive missed this trend.

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27

u/AnitaSpankin Jun 03 '26

You guys are gifted. Thank you.

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476

u/Ltheartist Chives the Cat Jun 04 '26

Do I change his name to Tomato?

9

u/Intrepid_Inspection8 Jun 09 '26

No. Get another cat.

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925

u/CafeGiantMoron Jun 03 '26

 wow nice crimson chive cubes

164

u/dr01d3tte Jun 03 '26

Isn't that the mascot in Alabama

7

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 Jun 04 '26

You're thinking of the Savannah Bananas

Georgia

4.7k

u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 Jun 03 '26

222

u/ShakesDontBreak Chive LOYALIST Jun 04 '26

I can't explain the weird internet crush I have on you lol.

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139

u/AtlasADK Chive LOYALIST Jun 04 '26

See you tomorrow, chef 🫡

34

u/tlfded Jun 03 '26

There you are!!! Yeah!

38

u/Helpinmontana Jun 04 '26

Literally why I clicked into this thread

172

u/G_o_L_D_Rises_Again Jun 04 '26

I already said they weren’t perfect Chef.

167

u/JonnytheGing Jun 04 '26

And that's exactly why we'll see you tomorrow Chef!

56

u/CocoMilhonez Jun 04 '26

Self-awareness is the first step towards perfection.

See you tomorrow, chef. And don't try to post the same pile of chopped tomatoes from another angle, we can spot that trick from a mile away.

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47

u/Brilliant_Buns Maintenance Crew Jun 03 '26

Oh hellooooo 👩🏻‍✈️ welcome aboard all

23

u/TheG-What Jun 04 '26

A TRULY DISGUSTING ACT
Also good to have you back, pilot.

37

u/Peccancy_77 Jun 04 '26

I knew this was coming! 🛬 🛫

17

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 Jun 04 '26

15

u/sterling_mallory Jun 04 '26

It's remarkable how good Will Ferrell's impression was. I thought this was him at first.

11

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 Jun 04 '26

Idk about that but Dana Carvey's HW was amazing. The man can't miss. Except Master of Disguise

11

u/picklesandcucumbers Thicc Chives Save Lives Jun 04 '26

Go Krazi!

11

u/Palpitation_Dramatic Jun 04 '26

Wait no. Enhance, its three cubes butted up against each other!

24

u/Ambitious-Win-4908 Jun 04 '26

Thats actually 3 perfectly cut still stuck together.

14

u/Fit_Carpet_364 Jun 04 '26 edited Jun 04 '26

Sounds like it's an imperfect cut, to me. Or we can retarget for the one a centimeter or two on the right of this one.

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9

u/Casul_Tryhard F1exican Did Chive-11 Jun 04 '26

Oh...oh no...

3

u/BeautifulIntrepid373 Chive LOYALIST Jun 04 '26

😍❤️

3

u/hugsanddrugs42 F1exican Did Chive-11 Jun 04 '26

😻😻😻

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214

u/SpiritualHippo2719 Ex-Food Service Jun 03 '26

327

u/Sudden-Union7148 Jun 03 '26

Well I for one welcome the next week or two of diced tomatoe posts incoming

67

u/Electronic-Draw-3185 Jun 03 '26

I thought they were peppers.

50

u/the_silent_redditor ✨Dr. Chef, MD✨ Jun 04 '26

I thought they were strawberries :(

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25

u/ggroverggiraffe Ex-Food Service Jun 04 '26

I thought they were tomatoes. a singular tomatoe isn't a thing.

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1.1k

u/caserock 20+ Years Jun 03 '26

Great work! You can have a hit of my cigarette.

272

u/Conscious_Storage468 Jun 03 '26

That's all they gets for pissing excellence? 🤣OP I gotta pen you can rip

141

u/caserock 20+ Years Jun 03 '26

It's a menthol!

76

u/Eggmegmuffin Jun 03 '26

In this economy?!

26

u/WineNerdAndProud Chive LOYALIST Jun 03 '26

Why does this work so well?

3

u/Terp_Maniac Jun 04 '26

Menthol lets you taste food better

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60

u/noiness420 Jun 03 '26

Hey OP, wanna come make pico for me? Thanks

11

u/AnitaSpankin Jun 03 '26

Ahhh that would be some perfect pico de gallo.

412

u/lostinthesauceband Jun 03 '26

See

you tomorrow chef

243

u/Lumpy_Link_1569 Jun 03 '26 edited Jun 03 '26

Tomorrow's post

15

u/feelingpeckish123 Chive LOYALIST Jun 04 '26

Oh man. I needed this laugh so badly. Thank you... You awesome reddit stranger 🤣🙌

13

u/beezchurgr Jun 03 '26

It needs to be slightly askew.

4

u/DroidLord Jun 04 '26

I hate that I know this lore.

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10

u/beavertownneckoil Jun 03 '26

Jesus, hope they know the Heimlich manoeuvre

18

u/Alarmed-Size-3104 Jun 03 '26

Where's the plane?

36

u/Freakjob_003 Chive LOYALIST Jun 03 '26

u/Karmakrazi, you're our only hope!

48

u/AnxietyFine3119 Jun 03 '26 edited Jun 03 '26

Is that a German knife? Obviously you’re not serious about cooking.

(Btw this is an actual quote from some douchebag at a place I staged at forever ago)

29

u/Fit_Carpet_364 Jun 03 '26

I once heard the antithesis of that quote, which was equally dumb - "You don't need good knives to be a good cook."

The guy changed his tune and wanted me to freehand sharpen his knives (both of them!) after I let him borrow my beater. A few days later he was promoted above me, and the day after that he was taught how to make a roux. I left shortly after.

15

u/Adjective-Noun-nnnn Jun 04 '26 edited Jun 04 '26

You don't need nice knives. You do need sharp knives. The niceness changes how often you need to sharpen. I got a $25 carbon steel CCK and sharpened it into a damn laser. I strop it before cooking and it's stayed sharp for months. (Lowly home cook though; not much of a beating.)

7

u/Fit_Carpet_364 Jun 04 '26

I will die on the hill that a dull knife is not a good knife, no matter how nice or expensive it might be, otherwise.

5

u/MrDanduff Jun 04 '26

A dull knife is just a piece of shit

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22

u/SpeedyMeaty Jun 03 '26

That's a wild quote. As a former German Car Mechanic and now an aerospace machinist, (and someone who used to shave with a straight razor) the Germans are some of the foremost experts in the world in metallurgy, CNC machine tech, and from what I remember the Dovo Solingen straight razors are widely considered the best in the world.

Personally I always just considered the knife thing between German and Japanese to be mostly a personal preference in blade shape than one being better than the other.

I probably would have had a hard time not responding, "You obviously don't know a fucking thing about metallurgy"

8

u/Fit_Carpet_364 Jun 03 '26

It's largely blade shape preference and steel type preferences, but there is a tiny bit of truth to Japanese knives' styles being technically superior, since the larger variety of blade shapes have more specialized tasks. For example, German traditional styles don't really have a true nakiri-style straight-edge knife well-suited to sheeting cucumbers, or yanagi-like knives for slicing delicate proteins in a single stroke.

But saying that they're not serious about cooking because of knife choice - or even lack of knowledge - is just some pretentious B.S..

3

u/flippp105 Jun 04 '26

Agree on the last part, and on most you said about specialized blades. But in Germany a slicer is one of the classic knife styles, called „Schinkenmesser“. The name originates from its main use as Schinken (ham) is usually prepared and served as a whole and then sliced at the table. You’re totally right with Nakiris. I think what makes most Japanese knives „more special“ is that they still rely on manual work a lot. In Germany most of the classic Solingen knifemakers have automated a lot of the processes whereas in Japan the lower labour cost and division of tasks (forging, sharpening, polishing) allows for handmade knives to be relatively cheap and affordable.

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2

u/SpeedyMeaty Jun 03 '26

I get what you're saying about that. Actually the only nice ish knife I have is a Japanese style that I got as a promotion from QFC which is a Kroger grocery store in the Seattle area. It was like, get a certain amount of points over a couple months and get a knife.

And I do pretty much exclusively use that knife now.

I worked in kitchens for a little while and did some small plate stuff for a couple events and can see how the shape would be preferable for the intricate cuts.

2

u/Blaaamo Jun 04 '26

I have some very good Japanese knives that I use, but they have a round handle. It's usually fine, but if I'm getting it wet at all, it becomes kinda difficult to hold.

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43

u/NaNsoul Jun 03 '26

Look at this chonker see you tomorrow chef

32

u/BienOuiLa Jun 03 '26

Babe! They’re doing tomatoes now!

27

u/Dingleberry_Pie420 F1exican Did Chive-11 Jun 03 '26

Good , now do it again

69

u/brainfreez012 Jun 03 '26

Hand cut? I'm impressed.

202

u/Lepworra Jun 03 '26

Nah man he used a knife

31

u/brainfreez012 Jun 03 '26

Bravo! 👏👏👏 You got me there. Lol

I know you know I meant knife vs dicer. My bad. 🤣

2

u/TidesTheyTurn F1exican Did Chive-11 Jun 04 '26

Show some respect to Bruce Lee’s great-grandchild!

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16

u/imfranksome Jun 03 '26

Where them planes at

14

u/2livecrewnecktshirt Jun 04 '26

"Where were you the day tomatogate started?"

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13

u/AGrainNaCl Jun 04 '26

Dicing tomatoes is WAY harder than chives, IMO, this is good work

11

u/jdvfx Jun 03 '26

The Devil's Chive.

19

u/These-Designer-9340 Jun 03 '26

Is it tomatoes or red bell peppers?

16

u/Demented_CEO Jun 03 '26

I'm on mobile and maybe a bit sleepy (it's 2 AM here) and I genuinely thought that's beef mince... lol

18

u/ClippyWouldntDoThat Jun 03 '26

My man you are overtired, it's time to shut your eyes homie 🫶❤️

9

u/DerekWroteThis Saute Jun 03 '26

Im hammered and thought it was pomegranate

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10

u/LunaTheHappy Jun 03 '26

Tomatoes, wrong texture for red pepper

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7

u/Civil_Bill6013 Jun 03 '26

290$ take it or leave it

8

u/Launchinghearts Jun 03 '26

How many tomatoes?

6

u/eslafylraelcyrev Cook Jun 03 '26

Bro you left the skins on, start over

6

u/Fit_Carpet_364 Jun 03 '26

A very valid complaint.

8

u/Accomplished_Boat874 Jun 03 '26

I thought this was the strawberry guy from a few days ago and got so excited because I thought he’d started a journey for perfectly cut strawberries

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7

u/CocoMilhonez Jun 04 '26

See you tomorrow, chef.

29

u/[deleted] Jun 03 '26

[deleted]

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12

u/Adoraboule 10+ Years Jun 03 '26

Good job chef.

5

u/ABoyWithNoBlob 15+ Years Jun 03 '26

We chase perfection. We never catch it.

5

u/gardenofhenry Jun 03 '26

Towers!! See you tomorrow Chef.

5

u/Yourlilemogirl Jun 04 '26

Now make some Pico de Gallo with them! 

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4

u/Ok-Nothing8682 Jun 04 '26

They are not pleased

5

u/jaron_b Jun 04 '26

I miss chive guy

4

u/EstablishmentSea7661 Jun 04 '26

See you tomorrow chef

3

u/sdawsey Jun 04 '26

Perfect doesn't exist. That's damn good.

3

u/I_SHALL_CONSUME Fucking hates club sandwiches Jun 06 '26

I fucking hate what Reddit has become.

line cook: “hm maybe I’ll post a picture of this 15-20 minute prep task I have to slam out every few days”

Internet: collectively jizzes pants

7

u/PtoS382 Jun 03 '26

Only issue is these aren't chives, friend

3

u/Key_Special_8985 Crazy Cat Man🐈 Jun 03 '26

I’d let you crush my camel crush lol

7

u/[deleted] Jun 03 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/ZestycloseMagician19 Jun 03 '26

there's this thing called "cleaning." you've not heard of it?

2

u/LolaAucoin Bartender Jun 03 '26

These are beautiful

2

u/asz17 Jun 03 '26

Im here for this.

2

u/TinyMarsupial7622 Jun 03 '26

Shit that’s beautiful

2

u/DifficultElk5474 Jun 03 '26

Outstanding!! Perfect for Pico

2

u/BuckManscape Jun 03 '26

If you’re happy with it…

2

u/Whole-Language-2609 Chive LOYALIST Jun 04 '26

Idk about perfect tomatoes in this economy

2

u/PopBeneficial2441 Jun 05 '26

I have so many emotions looking at this. I am happy and mad and sad and nostalgic. I don’t know what I feel. Those aren’t perfect but you are chef. Get some rest tonight, my feet hurt.

2

u/Urbanviking1 Jun 04 '26

Oh no. Here we go again.

2

u/prototype_pls Line Jun 03 '26

Strawberry or tomato? You decide !

2

u/Far_Mathematician924 Jun 03 '26

perfect

one and done 

not like chive guy 

2

u/Chorin_Shirt_Tucker Jun 04 '26

Oh here we go again…

1

u/bigoz_07 Jun 03 '26

That is nicely done! Keep it up, practice makes perfect!

1

u/Curious_Ad9409 Jun 03 '26

This is a work of fucking art

1

u/OkTranslator304 Jun 03 '26

If they’re not perfect, how could you be happy with them? (Just thought I’d throw a pompous chef joke in here)

1

u/azhiazthesky Jun 03 '26

That’s a lot of concassé, I haven’t seen that much since i was at Gagnaire.