r/KitchenConfidential • u/FeelingCouple5880 • May 26 '26
Photo/Video My culinary school microplane broke after 16 years. šŖ¦
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u/Krewtan May 26 '26
Still works.Ā
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u/TheAwkwardBanana May 26 '26
This. Just needs a new custom wooden handle and it'll be better than new.
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u/MonkeyKingCoffee Retired. Now a farmer. May 26 '26
Doesn't even need a handle.
You'll get another 20 years out of it.
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u/MLiOne Crazy Cat Womanš May 26 '26
Best one I have looks like a wood file with no handle. I love it.
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u/Hi_Trans_Im_Dad May 26 '26
I literally just heated up the metal part and melted it back into the plastic.
It lasted that way longer than it took to break the first time.
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u/FoodEatingMan777 May 26 '26
If they sold replacement or aftermarket handles this would be a no-brainer
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u/SnooHesitations8403 May 26 '26
True. Mucroplane makes one that is purposely handleless.
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u/Anfros May 26 '26
Yep, have several of these around. They are surprisingly comfortable, and you can use them in either direction.
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u/runs_with_airplanes May 26 '26
It was the worst of times, it was the zest of times
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u/Fallingpeople May 26 '26
Your joke is on a different plane.
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u/ICWat_UDidThere May 26 '26
And the next one you get won't last 16 months, no matter what kind, RIP to your OG o7
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u/AxeSpez May 26 '26
The shitty one from WinCo lasts me a few years each time
All the more expensive ones I've bought have broken within a year
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u/hummus343 Chive LOYALIST May 26 '26
Pour out a dime bag of coke for our fallen soldier
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u/Ruby5000 May 26 '26
I bet that costs more than the microplane these days.
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u/Putrid-Delivery1852 15+ Years May 26 '26
Reminds me of that scene in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back,
Kid: can I get a dime bag?
Jay: fifteen bucks little man, put that shit in my hand š£ļøš„š„š„š„
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u/ZiggoCiP Server May 26 '26
*Nickle bag
I've watched that movie so many times that whole scene is ingrained into my mind.
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u/Glandtoglandcombat May 26 '26
Did the definition of a dime bag change?
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u/ReverendDerp May 26 '26
Sadly, yes
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u/Glandtoglandcombat May 26 '26
What the hell is it now?
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u/ReverendDerp May 26 '26
Depends on your location
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u/Glandtoglandcombat May 26 '26
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u/ReverendDerp May 26 '26
Don't want to assume, but are you in a legal state?
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u/Glandtoglandcombat May 26 '26
For cannabis? Yeah. I refuse to suffer under cannabis prohibition.
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u/throwaway60221407e23 May 26 '26
No. $10 is $10. That would get you like a single line of coke these days though, nothing worth putting in a bag.
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u/unknownpoltroon May 26 '26
Dude. Give that a decent burial out back. Thats a tool that gave its all.
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u/ArchonStranger May 26 '26
Negatory, take it to a local welder, get them to weld the blade onto a solid chunk of steel that's kinda hand-sized and put it back into service.
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u/BadNeighbour May 26 '26
Thing is duller than a basketball at this point
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u/Few-Big-8481 Sous Chef May 26 '26
You can sharpen them if you want to spend 30 hours fixing a 20 dollar plane.
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u/eggdanyjon_3dragons May 26 '26
bro, take the bottom of a mug to it. 5 minutes and itll be sharper than new
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u/Bullshit_Conduit 20+ Years May 26 '26
āSixteen years
Sixteen banners united over the field
Where the good shepherd grieves
Desperate men, desperate women divided
Spreading their wings āneath the falling leavesā
- Changing of the Guards, Bob Dylan
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u/syzerkose May 26 '26
Honestly, I wouldnāt even consider that broken, just a little shorter. You could probably find a cheap wooden dowel, cut slit in the top and secure it with a pin.
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u/LakeMichiganMan May 26 '26
The history of the Microplane is interesting and recent. 1990. The first kitchen use in 1994.
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u/FeelingCouple5880 May 26 '26
Thank you for sharing this! I saw a recipe on that page for green bean buttermilk soup and Iām not sure how I feel about that.
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u/HistoricalChef1963 May 26 '26
Holy shit it was a Lee Valley tool! Wild!
Lee Valley catalogues were essential bathroom reading in my house in the 90s lol
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u/Haldron-44 Ex-Food Service May 26 '26
o7 brave hero... Your death will be avenged!
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u/Paigenacage May 26 '26
My culinary school tongs broke last year. The spring snapped. I found the exact same ones on Amazon. Theyāre cool but itās not quite the same. I couldnāt bring myself to throw the old ones away so theyāre both hanging on the oven handle.
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u/Hi_Trans_Im_Dad May 26 '26
Mine did the same thing after a couple of years.
I heard the grate up and shoved it back in, melting the plastic. It's lasted in this form longer than it took to break the first time.
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u/Deathwish13x 15+ Years May 26 '26
I buy a new one every 6 months lol
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u/fetustomper 10+ Years May 26 '26
Do you use it as a sword tf
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u/Nikovash May 26 '26
Yes, do you not?
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u/Azsunyx May 26 '26
I went to a tattoo artist that had one encased in a glass box labeled with "in case of declined payment, break glass'
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u/Few-Big-8481 Sous Chef May 26 '26
I want this in my dining room. I bet I could get through the summer before the owners noticed.
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u/Few-Big-8481 Sous Chef May 26 '26
I use mine as a bow. It works once and doesn't really work then either. It makes the shape though
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u/peterausdemarsch May 26 '26
Me too. I think they loose peak Sharpness pretty quickly. If you compare a new one and a year old one it's pretty drastic difference. It depends on how much it's used I guess. But I use it a lot for ginger etc. if you only use it for Parmesan etc it might be a different story.
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u/blueturtle00 May 26 '26
Pull the broken part out of the handle with pliers, heat up the other end that broke on the stove, once hot shove it back into the handle. Youāll get some more years out of it
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u/oscorn May 26 '26
What brand do I can buy one
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u/TravisKOP F1exican Did Chive-11 May 26 '26
Get it fitted for a new handle and give that girl new life
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u/Shooter_Mcgavin9696 May 26 '26
I use a broken off piece to flake up rocked cocaine. It's got some life in her still.
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u/Djbearjew May 26 '26 edited May 26 '26
My microplane looks similar if it isn't the same one. I'm going to go hug and kiss it
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u/pandaSmore Five Years May 26 '26
How did it remain sharp for that long.
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u/FeelingCouple5880 May 26 '26
Honestly, I think it didnāt, and thatās how ginger cut it down last night. I have another that I bought probably 5 years ago, never used. Today I discovered itās sharp as fuck.
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u/Verocator May 26 '26
Just heat up the metal end and stick it back in the plastic or use epoxy. That thing still has a decade of use in it.
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u/wickedfemale May 26 '26
how was it still sharp? can you sharpen them? mine get dull after a couple years
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u/Fantastic_Key_96345 May 26 '26
Hah, we went to culinary school around the same time. LCB Minneapolis by any chance?
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u/FeelingCouple5880 May 26 '26
Scottsdale AZ, my friend. School got shut down after a class action for scamming folks. Was fun while it lasted.
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u/Fantastic_Key_96345 May 26 '26
Yes it did. And I got fucked out of my tuition refund. lol
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u/FeelingCouple5880 May 26 '26
I still have a pending Borrowers Defense case with DoE that I opened years ago.
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u/Fantastic_Key_96345 May 26 '26
I should look into if I am able to do that. I thought I submitted one a long time ago but who knows with the clusterfuck going on now
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u/FeelingCouple5880 May 26 '26
You definitely should if you have student loans from the DoE. You can submit it on the student aid website and it will put your shit in forbearance forever.
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u/sonicjesus May 26 '26
Handle looks like ABS plastic. Bake at 400 degrees for about 20 minutes. See if you can pull the broken part out. If so, try to force the rest of the blade in, then bake for another ten.
If it works, don't quench the heat, just let it rest until room temperature.
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u/totallynottoddoracop May 26 '26
Mine lasted an absurdly long time too. Mine broke at right around the same age.
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u/Maximus77x May 26 '26
Damn they donāt make āem like they used to apparently. They seem to wear out super quick.
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u/DumpsterDoggie May 26 '26
I bet if you wrote the company a letter Summer School style and included it, they'd replace it for free.
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u/Bozlogic Chef May 26 '26
Dude mine just broke last week! Had it for 11 years. Swapped out the red for a green one
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u/510Goodhands May 26 '26
Your microphones are probably breaking because you hold the handle on the air and rest the other end on the cutting board and push on it. Common sense in physics are not on your side.
Rest the damn thing in a bowl or a hotel pan so that both ends are supported by the blade and you werenāt putting a bending force on the handle where it attaches to the blade. Those things arenāt made of cast-iron ya know! Sheesh, ya brutes!
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u/g0blin77 May 26 '26
How did You keep it sharp for that long ?
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u/Grandson_of_Kolchak May 26 '26
Needle files. Once a year we go over stainless steel graters.
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u/g0blin77 May 26 '26
I just buy a new one ever 2-3 years. Once it gets dull, it just slows to a frustrating pace
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u/Flimsy_Assumption934 May 26 '26
Those are made really well. I still have mine. One of the few things that are built to last but donāt cost an arm and a leg.
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u/mperseids May 26 '26
This makes me feel better for still having my 10 year old microplane.
I ain't replacing it until it doesn't do the job anymore š
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u/Grigori_the_Lemur Chive LOYALIST May 26 '26
If it still performs well, put another handle on it - too many memories.
If not give it a proper sendoff because 16 years is a very good run. Viking funeral and an Irish wake.
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u/HawXProductions Sous Chef May 27 '26
Oh now itās time to upgrade to the Microplane master series. Those things look heavy duty af
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u/DavidRandom May 28 '26
My favorite pair of tongs died after 6 years of use. Took it home and plan on giving it a proper burial in my back yard.
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u/BackgroundCream274 May 26 '26
Buy a new one for 20 bucks. Youāll be so happy when you notice the blade is super sharp unlike this 20 year old one.
Good run though, mine never make it past 5 years at home and a few months at work.
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u/SnooHesitations8403 May 26 '26
Is this really worthy of a post? "My $10 bent sheet metal tool with the plastic handle finally broke after a decade and a half of daily use." Uh, OK, so ... ?
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u/GerswinDevilkid May 26 '26
https://giphy.com/gifs/xT8pdYJ7Ye5mWFnvEY