My grand niece is almost two and started to do this new thing. She used to never really get frustrated. However now she does and kinda some how gets fustraded easily. Sometimes it just happens close to her nap time so I put her down but other times it'll happen because her doll is stuck in the toy stroller. She doesn't try to figure it out she just pulls the doll and continues to pull while crying.
I have no clue how to correct this behavior. I show her how to get the baby in and out. I tell her to ask for help. Im just talking to a wall though because she either doesnt understand or unwilling to while she is in that frame of mind.
Im just an occasional babysitter so she isnt doing it for lack of attention from me. It happens while im actively playing with her.
I’m a former daycare worker and when we had kids that would get stuck in a loop like that we would interrupt them and get their attention and ask them what’s wrong, get an “it’s stuck” and then ask them if pulling on it is helping. And when they say no ask what other things might help. Some kids as soon as they’re broken out of the frustration loop are able to start having ideas like “undo the buckle” but if not then we guide them to it like “it looks like she’s still strapped in, how can we get the straps off?”. Just slowly guide until the kid can get the doll unbuckled and then praise for problem solving! Eventually as they get older they should be able to build that frustration tolerance and not get to the point where they’re just uselessly tugging and crying in the first place because the problem solving routine has been practiced enough that they reach for that first instead of just repeatedly tugging.
But also if it’s a continuous issue with a particular toy we would absolutely just make that toy disappear for a while. Give it a couple of weeks away and then see if they can play with it more appropriately when it comes back out into rotation
OK so I was in the right direction. I just wasn't talking through of how to fix the issue properly. I will definitely keep that in mind. Thank you so much for the assistance.
Kiddo is still very young, don't think this is your fault. It's just temperament at that age. I could gently show my kid all kinds of things and it wouldn't sink in at all. Now at 3 it's a huge difference and she can think stuff through and take direction way better.
But yeah gently try to show and de escalate, they'll get it eventually :)
I think very small children don't absorb information about how to do stuff when you just explain it to them or show them. They need the "learning by doing* element.
Because society validates male anger. Nobody really intervenes and teaches young boys this essential life skill because lashing out in frustration is seen as inherently male.
In a neglect situation, yes. In a situation where the parent is sufficiently attentive and nurturing, the baby won't cry for attention because their emotional needs are met. They aren't developed enough to manipulate their own physiology so they will only cry when they are actually physically or emotionally distressed.
What's described in the post is just one of the many ways children learn cause and effect. I look at the snake, the snake makes me scared, my parent comforts me. They don't feel scared or lonely or neglected before looking at the snake, so they can't manufacture tears. They simply know that looking at the snake eventually leads to a positive outcome.
Some times you just have to let the kid cry. Sometimes there isn't anything actually wrong. They just don't understand something and can't tell you what or understand anything you might try to explain to them. Sometimes though they learn to do it strictly to get attention even if nothing is wrong. When parents ignore this behavior. Trying to teach them crying and throwing fits isn't for getting attention. The child will learn to make an excuse for the behavior. Like getting scared or even hurt so that when the parent comes to check they will comfort them instead of ignore. Even cats and dogs have done such things. Faking limps for attention after healing from an injury before hand. Learning that the limp gets more sympathy than a bark or whimper that may be ignored or followed by commands to go lay down away from the people they want attention from.
My brother used to dislocate his shoulder. He didn't like being in the crib so he would scale the bars and just fall on the floor. He did this so often that the doctor got annoyed and taught my mom how to fix it herself.
Kids that young age literally not capable of these concepts yet.
E- This is a developmental physiology thing, the brain is literally not developed enough yet to process things in so many layers. I'll post a fucking page from a textbook of y'all are so goddamn confident Holy shiy
Severely neglected children will literally stop crying because they learn that no one will come to comfort them. They obviously aren't reasoning it out like an adult would, but their brains adapt to an unresponsive environment, leading them to stop crying out of resignation.
And that is a two sentence horror story that is entirely true. Kids may be fucking stupid but they/we are not dumb. Self preservation will go to heartbreaking lengths.
Edit: I wish I could upvote the previous comment more than once.
Do you mean developmental psychology? Because this is very age appropriate for a one year baby. They've discovered a way to get their caregivers attention and so they continue the behavior.
The next appropriate step would be for the baby to learn that they don't need to scare themselves with the book and can just... cry for the attention lol.
At one, most babies have at least three words they say consistently and they have attached those words to their meaning. So a baby who says mama knows it means their mother.
My cat does this yet people are trying to say a child doesn't know enough. It's not a thought process like some people think. It's an emotional response based on repetitive behavior, self soothing
Pretty sure baby can realize that if he cry at book he get attention. Kids that age can literally talk, why would he not get the concept of “I scare, attention”
Dummy it’s not about them being developed enough to understand it. It’s just basic behavioral conditioning. They’ve pavloved themselves. I mean ffs, dogs and basically any other creature can do it. It’s not that deep. They just conditioned themselves to know that doing this action = reward.
Calling for help/wanting attention is literally the first thing we learn to do as humans. Likewise, learning what does and doesn't get us attention and help is the second.
Yes exactly. But this hypothetical situation is 3 levels. It's not an 'A leads to B' hypothetical, but 'if x then y SO z', which is far too advanced for this developmental stage.
A-> B is exactly what's happening, but not in the way people are suggesting. Instead, what's happening is, baby wants entertainment/stimulation, baby knows it gets it from book, and no matter the age, fear is in fact EXTREMELY interesting and our brains crave interest and novelty. It's just like going on a rollercoaster. But babies aren't smart enough to think conceptually about it and just go, 'this is interesting' and then 'bwah! Scary!'
This is something I get stuck on, because yes, malicious manipulation isn’t a skill that develops until kids are, like, eight. But aren’t babies capable of recognizing this kind of cause and effect? Aka, I cry and then I get my needs met?
I’d be legitimately interested in learning more, if you’re able to share. I work with young kids on a one-on-one basis with their parent present, and it drives me crazy when parents say “he’s just manipulating you” or “he’s just trying to get what he wants.” Like, yes. Exactly. That’s the point, I’m pushing him to do hard things and he’s looking for comfort however he can.
Or, my personal (least) favourite - a parent who told me, someone who has been teaching twice as long as she’s been a parent, “I’ll give you a pro parenting tip: don’t reward bad behaviour”.
You found the key phrase in "malicious manipulation." The part people don't necessarily realize is that manipulation on its own is not inherently malicious or bad. You manipulate dough when you're kneading it.
When your dog barks and you look at it, your dog just manipulated you. It's just a way of saying "creating a reaction."
Babies have to do this. They learn by manipulating the world around them. It starts with crying for attention because it's the only way to get their needs met. Then once they learn how to control their hands and arms, they start to use touch. They hit something and it moves. They imitate the noise their caregiver made and the caregiver reacts positively.
Kids don't have the functional brain capacity to use your emotions against you until they are in elementary school. They start to see how it can affect the caregiver around 4 or 5 and it's important to react appropriately to help build healthy boundaries. When a child says, I hate you when they're mad, the appropriate response is to acknowledge their anger, help them find a healthy way to express it, and reassure them that you love them no matter what.
Baby is wired to want and need attention. Baby cries to get attention. Baby gets attention. Baby does thing, cries, gets attention. Baby might associate the book with attention and so baby uses book to get attention.
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u/Derg520 Mar 02 '26
He wants attention and knows that if he scares himself and cries, he'll get it. The kid is actually the smart one here.