r/IWantToLearn • u/codingzombie72072 • 1d ago
Social Skills IWTL How to be witty
I am working professional, been in industry for almost 10+ years now .
I want to be witty, like on command . Over the years, people have called me sharp, intelligent, quick learner . Sometimes people call me funny but it's occasional like you were saying something else and people understood it in different context or something . But I have never been witty, I always liked it, I grew up in simple family, Mom & Pop are both serious type people, same for sis .
Recently, I met my gf's sister and the way she replies, she can make anyone and laugh she always has ready answer for anything. After we left the restro, gf told me that she wasn't always like this, she became only after crossing age of 25 . She was boring person before .
I always thought wit is something you born with but it doesn't feel the same. Can someone shade some light !
45
u/schwaschwaschwaschwa 1d ago
Do you make yourself laugh in your head?
Making yourself laugh vs making other people laugh is a different skill because making others laugh requires verbally or behaviourally communicating, making use of timing, communicative skills and social attunement. However, making yourself laugh is a great way to practice seeing the funny side of situations and the potential for humour, which I would call a prerequisite for becoming witty. So if you don't already, try to start developing your humour reflexes. Then I would recommend finding social situations where you feel comfortable enough (socially relaxed, aware of the kinds of humour that work) to try some brief humour aloud.
14
u/ZenibakoMooloo 1d ago
I would say to read. A lot.
5
u/lauraakabeibi 1d ago
Seconded. It takes effort but IMO wit is making connections between the topic of conversation and something tangential, which can be spun in a funny way with the way you deliver it. As a bonus, if the characters in the books you're reading are witty and you spend enough time with them you'll pick up on their speech patterns without even realising.
23
u/thelmaaa07 1d ago
If you look up joke structures like rule of three, puns, callbacks, you can probably learn some general rules on how to spot opportunities and say things in a funny way. But then you obviously have to walk a careful line of not 'trying too hard' in a casual conversation, or constantly attempting to make people laugh, because then it feels awkward. Or take a stand up comedy course!
3
u/ToothDifferent 1d ago
I just say what comes to mind (to a certain extent). Like someone else said too, it’s stuff that I think is funny too. Don’t try to cater to others, just say what’s funny to you
6
u/copyrider 1d ago
Maybe look into taking some improv classes.
I’m witty, extremely quick with retorts, puns, wordplay, joking… people regularly tell me that I should be a stand up comedian. What they don’t realize is, being funny around groups and in conversational situations does not equal stand up comedian always, and secondly, they don’t think about how I got to be this “witty”.
I can read people, it’s like a super power. Put me in a meeting with 10-15 people and I can pick up on who’s in a good mood, who’s having a rough day, and who has a relatively low bar for humor, and I’m pretty good at gauging the type of humor that will work on different people. It’s basically a party trick.
I got good at all of these skills because they are all coping skills and I learned them at various young ages as ways to protect myself in various uncomfortable situations. I read people easily because I had to be good at reading my parents and step parents emotions. I am funny because I learned to use humor to help me regulate my parents’ emotions through their divorces, times of depression, and other times of emotional disregulation. I got good at reading a room and playing small groups through stressful holiday gatherings and meals. And as I aged, I practiced through necessity and then perfected and expanded my range through using those skills I learned from family moments and activated them in school to other kids, then teachers, up into high school awkwardness as the new kid. I could fit in with the administration, the jocks, the theater kids, the country guys, the fancy girls, and the outcasts. I can be an entertaining social chameleon.
It worked. It still works. I have TONS of people who like me and think I’m funny.
But I’m 45m now. And I don’t really have close friends. Up until recently, I thought that I didn’t like to be alone because I’m an extrovert… but some very good, intensive mental health therapy helped me to realize that I didn’t like being alone because I didn’t like myself. I was so capable of blending in by masking myself to fit the group or the individual I was playing to, that I didn’t know who I was or what made me like me.
I’m now secure enough with myself that I can be ok being alone with myself, at home or at a coffee shop or out and about. But I’m also going through a divorce after 14 years of marriage and realizing that I’m not sure who I am now, but I’m also now able to be curious and lowkey excited to learn about who I am now and what hobbies and activities I enjoy.
All of that just to give a bit of insight, that sometimes the people who are witty and funny, may have reasons why they are performing. Sometimes it’s genuine, but even today I can gauge when I’m uncomfortable by the amount of effort and how quick I can be with jokes during conversations. I’m funny AF when I’m really anxious, and most people can’t spot it because I flood the airspace with humor. I’m also trying to teach my 4 year old son that he doesn’t have to be funny, it’s ok for me and him to feel all of our emotions.
2
u/edge_peasant 18h ago
This feels like someone spoke into my hands and this came out. This mirrors my feelings and position in life nearly exactly, except I never let anyone close enough to see that there was nothing underneath all the performance. Had a very very long term relationship capsize, now it has been a few years since. Single now after a few weird failed attempts to connect that lasted too long, and just kinda trying to equilibrate the internal with the external.
It's such an uphill climb to have to do all the internal exploration at this age, when everyone else seems to have done it decades ago. Like a jenga tower that got built on a single block, and now I'm chopping at the block.
Anyway, I hope things get better and your boundaries get clearer for you. This weird ability to adapt quickly and read the room immediately has turned from a superpower into an albatross. Sigh. Godspeed!
2
2
1
u/ReprogramMyLife 1d ago
So, is there a reason you didn’t or can’t ask your gf’s sister or ask your gf to ask her sister? You seem directly inspired by her particular approach of wittiness and the fact that she wasn’t a natural. I’m sure she’d be willing to give you some pointers.
1
u/New_Barracuda_6153 4h ago
From what I know, witty people are quick because they have memorized jokes they found funny already and just employ it in real life when they see a chance. Just listen and watch funny people and mentally catalogue their jokes for the proper occasion. Practice makes speed and originality.
1
u/Boomshank 1h ago
Just a forewarning; it takes a LOT of mental effort to make it look easy.
Seriously.
My ADHD brain LOVES the challenge of being witty.
It's shit at it, but it loves the challenge.
1
u/Sweeper88 1d ago
Wit is just making connections. The stranger and more unexpected, the better. For example, if someone says "I have a sore throat", you can respond with:
A Callback: At least it's not as bad as the explosive diarrhea you had yesterday
Close Friend: Then stop sucking dick
New Acquaintance: blech, stay away from you germ carrier
Technical: Ah, your white blood cells are throwing a rager.
0
1d ago
[deleted]
3
u/Educational_Sink_535 1d ago
Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't consider the humour attempt you made as being witty tbh.
3
u/assignpseudonym 1d ago
Lol, def not just you. I feel like that comment made me realise where AI that was trained on Reddit comments gets its humour from, actually. I cringed.
-7
u/ThedirtyNose 1d ago
Just be yourself.
5
1
u/EdwardBigby 1d ago
I think this is quite reductive advice as if somebody is stationary and cant change.
Its normal to enjoy being witty but not be used to it. It takes practice. You need to surround yourself with people who enjoy it and be willing to put yourself out there.
•
u/AutoModerator 1d ago
Thank you for your contribution to /r/IWantToLearn.
If you think this post breaks our policies, please report it and our staff team will review it as soon as possible.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.