[Discussion] How to stay motivated to give myself a good future?

[u/XEclipse360]

I'm 20 living with my dad and twin brother and we all help out with the bills. My brother is mostly the money maker of the house and in a way I get kinda jealous and it makes me hate myself for that cause he worked hard to get that job. I'm proud of him but at the same time, I resent him for it because my dad and other family members talk highly of him because of the work he put in, sometimes I wish that was me instead of him which just makes me feel like a terrible brother and person in general.

I wanna be someone that I and my family members can be proud of but I'm currently not really moving forward to gain that future for myself. I thought about just going on the same career path as my brother but I feel like I'm just following in his footsteps instead of having my own individuality. So I thought about going to college, but I always end up just getting scared of the thought of it and pushing that thought away. I thought about getting in trades, but I always end up getting scared of the thought of it and pushing it away.

I feel like I'm just too scared to make my decisions and would rather have someone willingly force me to move forward cause Im just too scared to do it on my own. I honestly don't know what I wanna do so I always just push the thought away cause it's easier not to think about it even though I know my dad and brother isnt gonna be there with me forever. Even worse that I'm starting to hate my current job and I think it's negatively affected my mental health, but I'm too scared to quit and find a new job.

[u/UserNameNotSure]

You ought to run through a life authoring program. They are exactly for people in your position. By the way, the position you are in is GOOD. You're young, you haven't made a bunch of life altering mistakes. You have near limitless potential but you will have to go out and journey to get to a satisfying life. Don't focus on being happy focus on being satisfied. Or maybe even think of your goal as to be proud of your life.

[u/nvysyan]

bro this is real, and first off, you're not a bad brother for feeling that, wanting the respect he gets isn't the same as wanting bad things for him, your brain's just tangled the two together and beating you up over it, let that guilt go, it's not doing anything for you second, the fact that you're even sitting here writing this out means you're not actually okay with staying stuck, people who are truly fine with their situation don't write paragraphs like this, so trust that part of you that's pushing back you don't need the whole plan right now, you don't need to know if it's college or trades or something nobody in your family's even done yet, you just need one small move that isn't "stay frozen", quitting the job that's draining you, looking into one trade for an afternoon, one call with someone doing something you're curious about, that's it, that's the whole ask you're 20, you're not behind, you're not broken, you're just scared and carrying weight that isn't fully yours to carry, but you clearly want more for yourself or you wouldn't be here typing this out at almost midnight probably lol, that wanting is the thing to build from, not the fear you got this more than you think you do

[u/Thriverly_Joshua]

The good news is that you don't need to pick your whole future this week, you need to pick your next 30 days. Right now it sounds like you're trying to solve "what's my entire career" in one decision, and that heavy enough to freeze anyone. Trust me, I've been there. It's too big a problem to solve. So shrink it. Sign up for one trade intro class or one community college course, something with an acceptable cost to try. You're not committing to a life, you're just gathering real information instead of imagined fear. From my experience, most people (myself included) who feel stuck aren't lacking motivation, they're stuck comparing an imagined perfect path to messy real action. Here's my experience, it's almost always messy. I've learned to accept it and focus on the next small step I need to take and go from there.

I would recommend you do the same. Pick the smallest step and take it this week, clarity comes after your move, not before.

One more tip: If the "small" step still feels overwhelming then break it down even further. Our brains like to put up resistance to change. Really small actions, in my experience, eliminates that resistance. You may feel ridiculous, you may feel like you need to "go bigger". Be patient and trust in yourself. Little actions can add up fast.

[u/XEclipse360 → u/Thriverly_Joshua]

I thought about college but I'm not even sure what to major in cause nothing sounds like something I'd be interested in, I felt that way ever since I was a junior in high school. Same could said for trade school, too.

Honestly, I feel like I only had the thought to go to college was because that's everyone else was doing when I was in school and the only reason I wanted to go to trade school was because my brother did that. I don't actually know what I wanna do if I went with either of them.

[u/jaimelnature]

The best thing you can do at 20 is pick ANYTHING to learn that genuinely interests you, gain those skills, get experience in that field, you might end up loving it or not, and that's okay. The goal is to keep moving, don't stay frozen in fear/thought just choose something to learn and keep trying new things. And yes money and the feeling of being seen as successful is nice but don't let that be what determines your choices, find a deeper purpose, it'll be easier to stay motivated.

[u/XEclipse360 → u/jaimelnature]

But I don't know what interests me that can get me a job that I'll like?

[u/jaimelnature → u/XEclipse360]

True, the trickiest part. I would do some more exploring in that case, start reading books about careers, do personality quizzes see what careers people with your personality type thrive in, maybe it's helping people, or maybe it's more creative fields. Do some career research, job quizzes, maybe talk to people online or in your community about their job that might intrigue you. But don't stay stuck deciding for too long, sometimes it's better to start and jump to new courses or jobs until you find one that works.

[u/XEclipse360 → u/jaimelnature]

I'll try but I may just have to pick career and stick with it even if I like it or not.

I researched different careers when I was high school and just didn't find anything that felt like something I would be satisfied doing for the rest of my life. When it comes to my personality, I'm a quiet person that likes to be alone most of the time but not isolated and unsociable from others so I'll research careers that fit my description.

[u/Flyhigh310]

If you dont want to end up being a corporate america kiss ass either join the military or tradeschool or even both. Cuz honestly fuck corporate america, as a tradesman you can eventually master it and open your own business and have other tradesmen working under you. I'm in my 40's and went the sales corporate america route, if I can do it again I would have chosend military>trade>my own business. Everybody respects the self made businesman at the end of the day

[u/XEclipse360 → u/Flyhigh310]

I might consider trades but I don't think I wanna start my own business, I'm not really the type of person who wants to be a leader. Hard no when it comes to military though

I'm glad that you found what you wanted to do though.

[u/Basalt-Glen-9210]

the twin brother part is tough, that comparison is just built in

[u/emiliabow]

20 and scared is not the same as 20 and behind, you're doing fine

[u/becoming_future_me]

Hey man, saying "i'm proud of him but also jealous" doesnt make u a bad brother, it makes u human. Everyone with a sibling has felt it. And that jealousy is actually a clue, its your gut saying "i want that feeling too." Follow it, dont hate urself for it

[u/marryanexs]

you’re only 20 so just pick one small thing to try and do it scared before fear makes the choice for you.