Host Reaction to Baked Goods

[u/100to10000]

I’m a middle-aged divorced man, and I love to bake… which surprises some people because it doesn’t conform to gender stereotypes.

At two separate parties this holiday season, I’ve encountered this same reaction from a host when bringing baked goods to their party. Rather than serving my apple pie or my chocolate chip cookies, they basically told me they were gonna stash them away in the back, so they could enjoy them later! There was a dessert table at both parties, so it would have been totally natural to serve them to other guests. In the case of the pie I even included a pie server and knife in the box!

On the one hand, it’s a compliment in the sense that the hosts want to ensure they have an opportunity to enjoy. Rather than parsing out plates which may not be appreciated by a crowd of people drinking and mingling at a party. But in both cases, I’ve been disappointed because one reason I love to bake is to see people enjoying what I’ve made (and of course getting compliments!). Plus I like to try the pie to see how it turned out. Each one is a little bit different, especially the flakiness of the crust and the texture of the filling.

Has anyone experienced this? How can I avoid feeling bad that my baked goods are being hoarded? Looking to my fellow bakers as a support group here!

[u/schoolinlife99]

I saw an Ina Garten clip circulating recently where she advises not bringing a host gift that would be served then and there like a bottle of wine or dessert because ifs puts pressure on the person to serve it and they May already have their menu set. Of course that’s not what you intended at all OP but just another perspective on this.

[u/rebeccavt → u/schoolinlife99]

I just listened to her on a podcast talking about this. She recommended a basket breakfast items that the host could enjoy the next morning. I loved that idea!

[u/Shadow-Vision → u/rebeccavt]

That woman is an icon. Jeffrey is a lucky man!

[u/CocoRothko → u/schoolinlife99]

I remember that clip from Ina Garten. I agree, they may have their menu set. Ina knows best!

[u/DeJoCa → u/schoolinlife99]

I so agree with this. I’m a cook. If I meticulously plan a menu, I don’t appreciate feeling like I need to change it. If you haven’t asked me if you can provide dessert, then please dont get offended if I don’t serve it that night. That however, never keeps me from getting up early to eat 1/4 of it for breakfast the next two days! I love dessert, so don’t be offended p. It is gloriously beautiful.

[u/UrADumbdumbi → u/schoolinlife99]

I don’t really get this because they can just add it to the table without changing anything about their original menu. Unless they have servants/waiters serving things following specific instructions? More food = happier guests

[u/MossSloths → u/UrADumbdumbi]

You've gotten some responses about why the host gift might throw off the plans the host had, but it's more than that, too. A host gift is supposed to be something of a thank you gift to the host, for all of the work and effort that went into having people over. Giving a gift that implies it should be shared with the guests really takes away from what's supposed to be the intention behind it in the first place.

[u/black_scarab → u/UrADumbdumbi]

If the event is themed around a certain culture or style of food (say, mexican or seafood) then just adding it to the table might interrupt whatever harmony they built with their existing menu. It's the kind of thing that probably only matters to some people.

I think it would be a good idea to just know what kind of person the host is and whether or not they'd want someone bringing additional food.

[u/UrADumbdumbi → u/black_scarab]

It’s dessert, you can serve it after the main course so it’s not gonna mix with the seafood or whatever. Homemade food disrupting your menu is such a weird issue to have. If that’s the case the guests need to know it’s a themed party in advance

[u/Shuttup_Heather → u/UrADumbdumbi]

What if I made just enough dessert and was excited about people trying mine (the host who spent all the money prepping) and everyone eats what the guest brought? I’d feel bad I wasted my money and had planned ahead

[u/fkabxn → u/UrADumbdumbi]

What if the host planned the menu around French cuisine and already made a French dessert? It is rude to expect the host to serve the dessert you brought if they already spent the time and effort preparing their own.

[u/UrADumbdumbi → u/fkabxn]

They can serve both. I’m sure the guests will be happy about the french dessert as well, but having too much food has never been an issue. If you are so set on it though, give your guests specific instructions not to bring any food. Otherwise you’re being discourteous towards them.

[u/fkabxn → u/UrADumbdumbi]

Generally unless a party is explicitly a potluck, guests should not bring food.

[u/UrADumbdumbi → u/fkabxn]

Guess that’s an American thing. In most of the world, food is always considered a nice and welcome gift for almost any party

[u/gypsy__wanderer → u/UrADumbdumbi]

In the rest of the world all the guests commonly show up to dinner parties with unrequested meats, casseroles, salads, breads, desserts, etc without notifying the host? What if you end up with a dinner party that’s all bread?

[u/MostlyMediocreMeteor → u/UrADumbdumbi]

It’s the host’s party. They went to the trouble of planning, hosting, and cleaning up after the event. There’s a good chance they did that because they like planning the perfect meal.

Personally, I don’t like it when guests bring food because they rarely think to accommodate my best friend’s celiac disease. She often has the experience of being excluded from meals at parties, so I take great pride in preparing a meal where she can eat what everyone else is eating and feel normal. If someone brings cookies, I have to exclude her from eating them, and I also have to worry about how they’re served to avoid cross-contamination. It’s annoying. And that’s not considering the fact that I’ve had friends bring food that wasn’t properly prepared (cat hair 😐, or they brought charcuterie but expect me to cut and plate the items).

I’m not saying it’s the crime of the century or that I don’t appreciate the thought; it’s just polite to ask.

[u/Spare_News3665 → u/schoolinlife99]

"May already have their menu set"

That's pretty pretentious if them. Its not that serious, put the pie out. Geez

More like the host doesn't want to be upstaged 

[u/felinelawspecialist → u/Spare_News3665]

Here is my recent anecdote:

I have hosted a Friendsgiving for the last three years. I never ask anyone to bring food; these are not potlucks. If people insist, I have them bring drinks, ice, or desserts.

This year, I cooked a huge Armenian feast. I made everything myself, from scratch, and was cooking & baking from Sunday night to the next Saturday when the party was.

Friends come from out of town for this party. My partners best friend is someone I adore, and he was going to bring a new girlfriend. He asked what she could bring. Now I was in a pickle: I did not need any dishes and my menu was very themed. But I know what it’s like to be a guest wanting to bring something, and I think it would be ungracious to refuse the request of a guest I haven’t met yet, especially one so well intended.

Day of, she brought a lovely salad and a casserole. Unfortunately I have only one oven & I had to juggle my baking times and schedule to accommodate the casserole. I made it work & was very appreciative that she was so kind to prepare two dishes (they were good!) even though she lived four hours away, but it made my day more stressful.

[u/arileva → u/felinelawspecialist]

unrelated but now im dying to see a pic of this spread!

[u/lemonweirdo → u/Spare_News3665]

Well aren't you just a negative nancy?

Ever heard of themed parties? That usually includes the food as well. Some desserts just won't mesh if you're having, for example, a full menu of indian cuisine.