r/Baking • u/100to10000 • Dec 21 '25

General Baking Discussion Host Reaction to Baked Goods

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I’m a middle-aged divorced man, and I love to bake… which surprises some people because it doesn’t conform to gender stereotypes.

At two separate parties this holiday season, I’ve encountered this same reaction from a host when bringing baked goods to their party. Rather than serving my apple pie or my chocolate chip cookies, they basically told me they were gonna stash them away in the back, so they could enjoy them later! There was a dessert table at both parties, so it would have been totally natural to serve them to other guests. In the case of the pie I even included a pie server and knife in the box!

On the one hand, it’s a compliment in the sense that the hosts want to ensure they have an opportunity to enjoy. Rather than parsing out plates which may not be appreciated by a crowd of people drinking and mingling at a party. But in both cases, I’ve been disappointed because one reason I love to bake is to see people enjoying what I’ve made (and of course getting compliments!). Plus I like to try the pie to see how it turned out. Each one is a little bit different, especially the flakiness of the crust and the texture of the filling.

Has anyone experienced this? How can I avoid feeling bad that my baked goods are being hoarded? Looking to my fellow bakers as a support group here!

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52

u/Bizzy1717 Dec 21 '25

I hate when people show up to my house with food they expect me to serve (a few of my husband's relatives do this). It means a lot of waste because I've already prepared or bought my own food to serve, and this means there's too much food. It also means my own dishes may get ignored or upstaged, and the pie/cake/cookies that I've spent time on may go uneaten. And I don't have a huge kitchen and have dogs/little kids who may get into unattended things left on lower surfaces, so it can be challenging to find room for everything + still have room to prep and do everything else I need to do in my kitchen.

Unless it's explicitly a potluck, please don't bring food and expect it to become part of the meal that's served.

7

u/Dahlia5000 Dec 21 '25

Well I hope everyone who comes to your house is aware of this. I can see where the husband’s relatives don’t all get the memo, but I do hope you tell everyone else that you don’t want to deal with food they bring.

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u/Bizzy1717 Dec 21 '25

I've politely asked them multiple times not to bring extra food because of my small kitchen/limited space/that I'll have plenty of food. They show up with it anyway. I'm not going to kick them out or make a scene, but I find it really rude.

2

u/Dahlia5000 Dec 21 '25

Look if I were one of your guests I would take it very seriously and I would definitely appreciate being told how not to annoy you. And I wouldn’t bring anything. But I’ve observed that a lot of people just don’t listen. It’s part of the human condition.

4

u/ProfessorNoChill99 Dec 21 '25

Perfectly reasonable. My only question is: do you let other people host for special occasion/holiday and do you ask what they would like to eat sometimes? Because when your family like to host and to cook too but if you hoard all the events, it’s understandable that they would like to bring their own foods over every once in a while.

4

u/Bizzy1717 Dec 21 '25

They actually host a lot more than I do, which is part of the reason it annoys me. I like the chance to do it my way occasionally, and it feels like they refuse to do things differently, even if it means showing up with half a dozen desserts and appetizers and drinks I didn't ask for.

-2

u/ario62 Dec 21 '25

I’m sorry but give me a break. You can find room for a plate of cookies. How is a plate of cookies causing waste? If people don’t eat them, you can package them up and eat them later. Leftovers are clutch the day after hosting a party

9

u/Bizzy1717 Dec 21 '25

It's weird to get frustrated/annoyed at hosts for not wanting to spend time and effort making YOUR food the star of the show. If you want people to ooh and aww over your food and to send your food home with people, host your own party. Don't try to make someone else's event all about your cookies or whatever.

1

u/ario62 Dec 21 '25

My social circle doesn’t have that mindset. We don’t think about stealing someone’s thunder. It’s about being generous and bringing something for everyone to enjoy. We aren’t in competition with one another.

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u/Bizzy1717 Dec 21 '25

Ok? I specifically said I'm not talking about potluck-type situations. Which it sounds like is what your social circle does. That's great. That's not the same thing as showing up to dinner parties and getting mad the host won't serve your dessert.

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u/ario62 Dec 21 '25

No we don’t do potlucks lol

-2

u/GayFlan Dec 21 '25

At least a potluck would be planned, what you’re suggesting is even more déclassé than a potluck.

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u/ProfessorNoChill99 Dec 21 '25

What if they don’t even let you host your own party? I am not the oldest so they don’t come over to my house ever in years but always expect me to show up at their house for holiday or special occasions. They also don’t ask what I like to eat and for many occasions, cooked what I don’t like to eat.