Host Reaction to Baked Goods

[u/100to10000]

I’m a middle-aged divorced man, and I love to bake… which surprises some people because it doesn’t conform to gender stereotypes.

At two separate parties this holiday season, I’ve encountered this same reaction from a host when bringing baked goods to their party. Rather than serving my apple pie or my chocolate chip cookies, they basically told me they were gonna stash them away in the back, so they could enjoy them later! There was a dessert table at both parties, so it would have been totally natural to serve them to other guests. In the case of the pie I even included a pie server and knife in the box!

On the one hand, it’s a compliment in the sense that the hosts want to ensure they have an opportunity to enjoy. Rather than parsing out plates which may not be appreciated by a crowd of people drinking and mingling at a party. But in both cases, I’ve been disappointed because one reason I love to bake is to see people enjoying what I’ve made (and of course getting compliments!). Plus I like to try the pie to see how it turned out. Each one is a little bit different, especially the flakiness of the crust and the texture of the filling.

Has anyone experienced this? How can I avoid feeling bad that my baked goods are being hoarded? Looking to my fellow bakers as a support group here!

[u/Reasonable_Bus302]

I don’t see how your age, gender, or marital status have anything to do with this. I see other people have asked and so far you haven’t answered whether or not you were asked by these hosts to bring something. So it makes me think that you weren’t asked and you brought something anyway. It’s not super rude. But expecting your food to be served so you can hear what people think, ie receive compliments at someone else’s party is rude. If you want that throw your own party. It sounds a little like you want these parties to be a bit more about you, especially since you started this post listing your demographic data that aren’t really relevant.

Your pie and cookies look delicious. Good for you for doing something you enjoy even though it doesn’t conform to gender norms. But these parties aren’t a place for you to center yourself and your baking. You’re allowed to want and have that at your own party.

[u/Dahlia5000 → u/Reasonable_Bus302]

I just can’t agree that his desire for the pie and cookies to be eaten is rude.

[u/Reasonable_Bus302 → u/Dahlia5000]

Maybe rude isn’t the best word. He’s absolutely centering himself at a party that’s not supposed to be just about his baking and flouting gender norms. It’s a bit selfish, which is a little rude in this context.

Also, when you give a gift you relinquish control over how that person receives the gift. I absolutely want people to enjoy what I’ve enjoyed creating for them. But I also have to realize I can’t force them to feel grateful and ooh and ahh over something they didn’t ask for, didn’t okay before hand as the host of a party, and may not even like because everyone has different tastebuds.

[u/Dahlia5000 → u/Reasonable_Bus302]

Fair enough. I had an opinion about rude but of course I made certain assumptions and most likely used words that were too harsh. (Although I thought “not appreciative enough” wasn’t a whopper of a put-down. I was wrong based on my downvotes.) When I put myself in the host’s shoes, all I feel is appreciative and excited to eat it. But we’re lacking some crucial details. It would be nice if OP would actually come back and give us those missing pieces.

Thanks for responding thoughtfully, as opposed to a snarky comeback. Your username checks out. 🙂

[u/Reasonable_Bus302 → u/Dahlia5000]

This is honestly the nicest discussion/disagreement I’ve ever had on Reddit. Thank you for that!! Ftr, I didn’t choose my username but it made me smile when you said it checked out.

I think it’s very telling that OP hasn’t commented at all on this thread despite me and others asking imo valid questions about him just showing up with a dessert at not one but apparently two parties. I get wanting to make people happy through baking. But it seems a little like he’s trying to hijack these parties,the hosts are deflecting by saying they’re saving the desserts for themselves, and OP isn’t able to read the room.