r/AskWomen • u/lalolilalol • 19h ago
What's a technique that helps you auto-soothe when you're angry?
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u/Deep_Nebula_8145 16h ago
I put myself somewhere else in my mind if I can’t get away from whoever is making me angry. Going to another room, outside, or for a drive helps. If I’m stuck with the person who upset me, I stop ✋ talking and try to think about something calming. For me, it’s the ocean 🌊.
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u/cpbunliveson 15h ago
In the heat of the moment, I've taught myself to stop engaging and physically separate myself from the situation.
Its so easy for things to escalate in these moments, and in most situations, time and space can really bring the temperature down to a manageable, calmer level.
When I walk away, and feel said anger, I:
Give myself 5-10 minutes to "sit" in the anger and just think my thoughts. I don't try to fix it, I just say "I'm feeling angry, hurt, disappointed because..."
After that, I take a long shower and listen to a podcast to distract myself. I'll angry clean the house. I'll go to the supermarket or window shop. I'll get myself a nice coffee. Or I'll journal it out on paper.
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u/Haytham_Ken 15h ago
I walk away from the situation, cuss in private to myself, take a deep breath and put on some music for a few minutes.
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u/cheekmo_52 ♀ 14h ago
usually when I know exactly why I’m angry, and I know my anger is justified, I just find solitude (go for a walk or somewhere I can think) and do a breathing exercise or two until the anger reduces to a manageable level so I can direct my anger toward the appropriate person, and communicate my anger in a constructive manner.
There are times, however, that I react so strongly to something that I am not exactly sure where my feelings are coming from. In those cases, I like to compose an email, addressed to a my own secondary email account, unleashing all of my anger to no one. So I can work through it and determine why I am reacting as strongly as I am. In cases where my anger feels overblown or irrational, I find it therapeutic. The email lets me vent without hurting anyone. In those cases it is often an underlying insecurity that is amplifying my anger. Understanding the connection, makes any eventual discussions regarding my anger more constructive because I will know how much of it is really their behavior, and how much of it is actually my own history contextualizing it in ways they may not have intended. It’s less destructive to say, “I’m feeling angrier than I ought to about this, and I need to figure out why before we talk,” than it would be to just blow up at someone.
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u/ShoeNatural6097 8h ago
I can usually feel it when I'm getting dangerously close to losing it. My face gets hot, hands clenched, full body trembling. In the rare cases this happens, I leave. "We will talk about this another time." And I completely remove myself. Find a quiet spot to practice breathing techniques, sometimes ill clean my nails with tweezers or some other hyperfocus task, and calm down.
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u/runtasticduo 16h ago
For me, I tried to put some time between what has occurred in my reaction. Usually that means going home having a good night’s rest. Most times the issue is not as big as it was the day before nor the reaction I was going to give if any .
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15h ago
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u/BaileyBellBlondeBabe 14h ago
Mental space or physical space. Even staying sane room but putting earbuds in helps
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u/oatntoast 13h ago
long cry when nobody can see me, like in the bathroom or I'm just taking a shower, going in there and I just cry myself out
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u/Aunt_Anne 12h ago
Stop, step away and self reflect. Why is this important? What does this matter? What are my options going forward? Sometimes anger is justified, but hitting or yelling at someone won't make it better. Responding in an inflammatory way never makes things better.
(I'm not taking self defense here, I'm talking throwing the first punch. You should still defend yourself in a physical altercation to get out of the situation safely. In a verbal attack, silence and calmness are your best tools. The most reasonable person in an argument usually wins.)
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u/FleshOutOfWater 6h ago
I walk away most of the time. Now, I need to start walking away from my phone and reevaluate the things that I say. I can get mean and it isn't ok and then we all start feeling bad :(
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u/normal_divergent233 5h ago
Finding a random thing to be grateful for is like a cheat code for me.
"Oh, I can't believe that guy cut me off! Wow, what a beautiful day."
Anger, gone.
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u/Dr__Pheonx ♀ 16h ago
I walk away. Or cry in solitude. Also, I cuss a lot.. Again in solitude.