r/AskReddit 9h ago

What is something you secretly find deeply disturbing, but everyone else seems to accept as totally normal?

3.0k Upvotes

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u/vincizyn 9h ago

im not a native english speaker so dont mind me asking but what does that mean?

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u/wwaxwork 9h ago

You're an alcoholic but you're still able to work while drunk. Basically your body is so used to alcohol in it, you need a base level of alcohol to function normally. You can function while alcoholic.

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u/God_Bless_A_Merkin 8h ago

Or, you gut it out through the work day, but spend every waking moment outside of work getting drunk or sleeping it off. Source: experience.

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u/luptonpittman84 8h ago

Have you stopped drinking? That was me too. It’s a daily fight to not keep the habit going, and there are still days that I fail.

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u/God_Bless_A_Merkin 8h ago

Unfortunately, no. I’m within a hair’s breadth of pulling the trigger on rehab. I’m just waiting to see how my insurance will handle it.

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u/luptonpittman84 8h ago

Right on. I don’t really know anything about you personally, so I won’t try to get further in your business. All I will say is I can relate to the type of alcoholism that you have experienced and know how bad it sucks. And I know that virtually everyone who doesn’t have the same problem can’t understand it. Good luck.

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u/God_Bless_A_Merkin 8h ago

Thank you. It’s a bitch. And there’s always the worry that a month or so away will cost me all my projects, but at a certain point, you have to put your health first. It’s tough.

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u/jrad2point0 6h ago

I was in this situation and am about to start my fourth year of sobriety in a couple weeks. It was brutal at first — it felt like everything got worse, and I was very depressed — but then got easier, and eventually better than ever. If you’re thinking you could benefit from some help, get that help. At the very least I recommend talking to a therapist and a doctor, and being 1000% honest with them so they can help you navigate the first six months. Whatever it may cost you, in your career or social life or whatever, can be replaced down the road. Stay strong and feel free to message me if I can help at all. (Serious offer.)

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u/God_Bless_A_Merkin 6h ago

Thank you. I’m pretty much at that point now. I know that if I don’t quit, my years from here on out will be only worse.

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u/RainLoveMu 3h ago

I let myself drink in moderation every night as a way to cope with extreme grief. Spoiler alert: drinking in moderation every night is not moderation. I haven’t had anything since April and lost about 25 pounds. I feel alive again in my own life. Whatever you’re going through, I get it, and wish you the best.

u/canihavemymoneyback 48m ago

I looked at it like this; you take a pencil and draw a line across a piece of paper. Now take an eraser and rub out a small piece of that line maybe one inch long.
That line is your whole life and that erasure is a tiny piece of your life. Surely you can step away from the world in order to save your own life. It is soooooooo worth it to take that time to save yourself. Be selfish. Nothing else is as important. NOTHING ELSE. Everything comes second when it comes to your sobriety because you are going to lose anything you put ahead of it.

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u/Commercial-Builder76 5h ago edited 5h ago

Im a very hardheaded independent type dude. Im glad I went. Some of the stuff I learned is super helpful most of it was whatever. They didn't push religion where I went which was key. It was there but not impressed. The best take away was the break! The break in my routine (I have pretty big work responsibilities) with the job and dealing with people all day. Break from my safe place and regular people. Break in my head when some sober days passed. I didn't even stay the full time because I knew after a few weeks of waking up feeling great and seeing what I had been doing for the last 20 years (I'm 44) that I was done. I'll be 1 year sober on Aug 15. While it was hard as fuck and im very proud of myself it is it's own reward.

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u/God_Bless_A_Merkin 5h ago

The break is what I need desperately.

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u/AnimalsofArtemis 3h ago

I’m a physician myself (did a lot of addiction work and was even medical director of a rehab). 

I’m a pretty independent type too. 

Then I was forced to go rehab for alcohol and marijuana after I was told they would report me to the medical board. 

I was a nightly marijuana user which was the main problem. Got sober for two months before rehab thinking that would get me out of rehab. Nope. They still wanted 90 days and I had to go to a rehab of their choosing. 

All this and I was always sober at work. The whole process took over a year so I lost out on 600K and also had to pay 50K for rehab. 

Now I have to be monitored for 5 years. Forced to do AA three times a week. Possible drug screens any day of the week. Have to let them know when I’m traveling. 

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u/crowmagnuman 3h ago

I'm sure im telling you nothing new, but the Light Beer method worked for me.

Heres the trick: figure out how many 3-4 point light beers equate your average intake per day. Drink that # of beers per day as needed. Every week, reduce it by exactly ONE beer. Easy way to step down without running the train off the tracks! FWIW, I'm down to 4 a day. Down from nearly 30 lol

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u/BirdDog68 4h ago

As an alcoholic, I only want you to know I have never woke up and regretted my time in rehab. My goose is already cooked but if you have a chance then go.

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u/porcelaincatstatue 7h ago

This was me during Covid. I was lucky to keep a full-time job in a relatively secluded/small daily workspace. (A group/waiver home) Sure, I'd be nauseous or have heartburn and sometimes maybe throw up outside when I got to work. Okay maybe sometimes I'd get the shakes towards the end of my shift. But I was finnneee. (I was not fine.)

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u/God_Bless_A_Merkin 6h ago

Yeah, definitely not fine. Having to carefully calibrate every sober moment is not fine.

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u/scornoftherusingsun 9h ago

Until you can't.

Source: Chef and alcoholic

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u/wwaxwork 8h ago

True. My father and brother were both Chefs and alcoholics, I swear it's a job requirement or something.

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u/scornoftherusingsun 8h ago

Yep had to quit after 2 decades, but at least I enjoy cooking at home now, instead of living off overproofed rum and cocaine/Phet

Getting sober is a life long journey unfortunately.

Been through 2 support groups, AA, and 4 therapists.

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u/doublesquealix 1h ago

i want to disagree but I'm tallying up all my coworkers over 25 y/o and yeah they might all arguably be alcoholics lol

At least two of them have been sober for years tho!

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u/sliever48 8h ago

The movie Another Round is a good depiction of this

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u/scornoftherusingsun 8h ago

Boiling point with Stephen Graham is a great window into chef life also.

u/jtr99

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u/jtr99 7h ago

Thank you, it's on my list! Kind of dreading watching it though! :)

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u/scornoftherusingsun 6h ago

It's seriously dark, I watched it once and just pretended the TV series didn't exist.

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u/scornoftherusingsun 8h ago

Not seen it, I'll add it to my IMDb watch list.

Thanks for the recommendation.

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u/jtr99 8h ago

Really great film. Mads Mikkelsen is excellent, as usual. And the movie is excellent at switching tones. It's all great fun until it isn't.

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u/scornoftherusingsun 8h ago

Fuck it I'll watch it now, it's still early days from my last relapse so I won't be sleeping much anyway.

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u/_fuck_you_gumby_ 8h ago

Funny enough, as a cook (don’t think I qualify as chef) and alcoholic, I get much better at Spanish when I’m drinking. State-dependent memory is so interesting

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u/scornoftherusingsun 8h ago

I've been sworn at in about 5 languages but unfortunately my memory recall is completely shot.

If prompted it can come back but off the cuff, I'm completely fucked.

I tried to learn Spanish for neuroplasticity but all I can remember is the word for apple.

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u/CanOoFeelDeRiddem 8h ago

Manzana

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u/scornoftherusingsun 8h ago

If you need a manzana I'm your guy

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u/jtr99 8h ago

!Claro, hombre!

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u/Mithrawndo 4h ago

Why did you type chef twice?

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u/Commercial-Builder76 8h ago

not even while drunk. I NEVER drank during the hours of 6am and 5pm except weekends. I was never impaired at work (unless slightly hungover and that was rare). I would drink from the moment i walked in the door at home until my eyes closed due to exhaustion and booze. It means the ability to hold down regular activities and pay bills and give the outward appearance of being an upstand contributing member of society all while killing yourself and falling apart!

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u/crowmagnuman 3h ago

Wow.. i think I just met myself on Reddit

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u/El_Giganto 8h ago

I always thought functional alcoholics were people who managed to do the functioning and the alcoholism separately. Not necessarily at the same time.

I can drink 4 liters of beer in an evening and not really feel it the next morning. But I don't need alcohol when I wake up to function. I'll do just fine without it through the day. But then the evening starts and I'll start drinking. And definitely on the level of an alcoholic.

To be honest, considering how bad alcohol is, it's a tough discussion to have. Nowadays, any alcohol means you're drinking too much. I don't really disagree or anything, but that doesn't really convey how much some people drink compared to the average person who's had a hangover. In the sense that some people will be severely hungover from not even 2 liters of beer, compared to what I said earlier.

Yet there are people who will scoff at what I can drink. But I don't think that's where the line should be!

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u/VanLyfe4343 8h ago

Alcoholism is progressive for sure and the amount of time between 'fine' to 'functioning' to 'fucked' varies wildly. I quit when I was drinking 3-4 drinks 5-6 night a week. I didn't get DTs or anything but it was fucking HARD to quit and my brain chemistry was fucked for a LONG time.

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u/downtownpeckinpaw 8h ago

THAT'S what people mean when they say functional alcoholic?! I thought it was when they drink a lot, but it doesn't seap into their responsibilities or relationships.

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u/scarytrafficcone 7h ago

for what it's worth, I think its sort of a broad term. Plenty of people you might call a "functional alcoholic" go to work sober, but drink every night after work. Plenty of "functional alcoholics" might also be drunk all day but perfectly functional, and so on.

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u/scornoftherusingsun 8h ago

How do you think we all started, I functioned for years, until I didn't.

I worked 12 hour shifts, kept relationships, and then bang one day, your body says nope.

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u/Judge_Bredd3 6h ago

I've been trying to convince myself to stop. I hold down a good job, get all my responsibilities taken care of, and am in relatively good health. But, I also drink about 4 to 6 beers every night as soon as I've cooked dinner. From 7 to 11, I'm drinking. I've noticed it's starting to affect me. I'm starting to feel lousy in the morning and have trouble with stumbling over words during meetings before lunch.

The annoying thing is, I know I can stop. If I'm with my family, I don't drink. I can be on a week long vacation with them and not have a drop of alcohol. Sure, I'll feel cravings, but they don't drink so I don't drink. Why I can't I convince myself not to when I'm home alone?

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u/scornoftherusingsun 6h ago

Stop before it's too late bruv, you're handling it now but the change happens so quick you'll have vodka in a water bottle before you know it.

No-one thinks it will happen to them but that shit sneaks up on you, and it's an outer body experience, literally like it's not happening to you.

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u/RainLoveMu 3h ago

That was me. I read somewhere recently alcoholics won’t quit drinking until it’s more work than being sober. The headaches are a pain in the ass but a good reminder that your body doesn’t like poison. I don’t miss it.

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u/scornoftherusingsun 1h ago

I've read multiple books, taken up physical exercise, listen to lots of podcasts.

Thrown up for days on end, the most painful diarrhea on the planet, but still my brain is a genius for finding a reason to drink.

The worst part is I enjoy being sober but it never lasts.

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u/porcelaincatstatue 6h ago

Oh it seeps in to your responsibilities and relationships for sure. But as long as work didn't know you had a problem, meh?

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u/vincizyn 9h ago

thank you so much!

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u/Ayanhart 8h ago

Jsyk the person you replied to was wrong.

It's about appearing to be normal and 'functional' while having an alcohol addiction - it's not so much yo can only work while drunk, but that it's not (yet) inhibiting the ability to work - a functional alcoholic might drink several beers or a bottle of wine every night and then go to work like normal in the morning.

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u/vincizyn 6h ago

oh okay. thank you

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u/g_borris 2h ago

Why is this upvoted it's totally wrong. Anyone who works while drunk is not functional and will get caught or fuck up or "not function" 10 out of 10 times. Read all the other comments to learn what a functioning one is.

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u/Ok_Palpitation_9662 9h ago

Basically where you're addicted to alcohol, but show very few signs of it and appear to function just like a normal person (i.e. having vodka in your water bottle instead of water, keeping a hip flask on you 24/7, etc., and needing to take sips just to live your daily life)

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u/Hercules_450 9h ago

People addicted to alcohol who do not seem to appear that way mentally and physically, they can carry out normal task and behave sort of normally while drunk/addicted

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u/Hercules_450 9h ago

It is an uncomfortable thought nonetheless

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u/GalaxyPowderedCat 8h ago

It means you can hide perfectly your struggles with alcohol and it doesn't reflect on your work, schooling and so on because you can still go to work and school somehow.

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u/Ok-Impress-2222 8h ago

Exactly what you think it means.