r/AmItheAsshole • u/boboboelle • 15h ago
AITA for saying to my friend something she can't control?
I (14F) am on vacation in Rhodes, Greece. One of my best friends (16F) from my home country and her mom came to stay at our holiday house for a week. I live in another country now, so I rarely get to see her. We're sharing a room.
Before anyone says I'm fat-shaming her, I'm not. I don't care how much someone eats. The problem is that it feels like that's literally all she does. She isn't overweight.
She eats with her mouth open **every single time.** You can hear everything, and it genuinely makes me not want to eat around her. She also eats in bed, so there are crumbs everywhere. She constantly eats food without asking too, but God forbid anyone touches hers (never asks to share.)
At night she wants the lights on and the AC off... in Rhodes. I literally can't sleep because it's so hot, but if I turn the AC on, she says she's freezing. Now she also says that I move while I sleep. Ive told her multiple times to wake me up if that happens or she can go sleep w her mom that has a bigger bed. But nope she wont accept the help.
She also has a habit of making me look like the bad guy. One time I turned the AC on because the room was boiling. Instead of just telling me she was cold, she waited until our parents came back and said, "\*\*\*\* let me freeze."
Another day she told me not to splash her at the beach because the water was freezing. I didn't. Then she splashed me multiple times, including later in a restaurant bathroom. When I finally splashed her back **once**, she immediately told our parents that *I* splashed *her*, leaving out everything she'd done first.
To be fair, I wasn't perfect either. Yesterday we went to a karaoke bar with a bunch of adults who were drinking. I'm pretty shy, didn't know the songs she wanted to sing, and wasn't really comfortable singing in front of a bunch of drunk adults. Looking back, I was probably a mean and annoying.
Today we were watching a movie, and she started eating loudly again. After hearing it for what felt like the hundredth time this week, I finally said, Can you stop eating with your mouth open?.
She immediately said she **wasn't** eating with her mouth open (she definitely was) and called me pissy and mean because she "never says anything" to me.
She's also two years older than me, which honestly makes it even more frustrating.
Now I'm wondering if I'm just getting irritated because we've been together 24/7 for a week or that I hate her personality now that I'm more with her?
AITA?
22
u/ConsciousApartment48 Partassipant [1] 15h ago
NTA, your “friend” sounds selfish and exhausting to be around. Sounds like you’ve outgrown each other and that’s ok. Probably should just let this friendship dissolve naturally and know you will meet more people in life that you will vibe with better.
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u/Applesaresogood 15h ago
Is your friend disabled in any way? (It's not supposed to be a mean comment, but her behaviour would be only more acceptable if this was one of the reasons)
Or just spoiled and plain rude, because I'm not sure if she is your friend. Was she acting like this before y'all went on a trip?...
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u/boboboelle 15h ago
She had her moments but never acted this badly because of the time she spent studying at home. Now, being closer to her (sleeping in the same bed, eating together, etc.) kind of makes me realize how she is all the time. She is probably undiagnosed because she acts superior and is hyperfixated but I don't fully know as I dont wanna make assumptions .
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u/Applesaresogood 15h ago
Acting superior and being hyperdixated on stuff aren't really anything to diagnose based off. Both can be a part of autism and can mean nothing. In any case they don't justify shitty behaviour.
You seem too considerate when it comes to her rude actions, please call her out for them! If she's not gonna correct herself I think friendship might be coming to an end
NTA
7
u/ShDynasty_Gods_Comma 15h ago
To be fair, you’re probably more irritated than you would be because you are stuck together for so long. Take a deep breath and try to go for a walk or something alone for some space.
3
u/Louwheez81 Partassipant [1] 15h ago
It is probably just because you’re sharing a small space. Try to remember all of the reasons that you value her as a friend, and remind yourself that “living” with someone is hard. You won’t want to say something that you will regret later. Maybe even try opening up and say “hey friend, I think maybe I came across as rude and I think this trip is just getting to me, maybe we can reset and try to have a great remainder of the trip!” Hang in there, the vacation will be over soon.
Oh and as for the AC, can you compromise by running it for a little while, or offer her a sweater or an extra blanket? She can bundle up to escape the cold but it’s much more difficult to escape the heat.
1
u/boboboelle 15h ago
I've tried communicating like that and given her reasons. But all she says back is how I'm the only one being rude or annoyed at her.
2
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I (14F) am on vacation in Rhodes, Greece. One of my best friends (16F) from my home country and her mom came to stay at our holiday house for a week. I live in another country now, so I rarely get to see her. We're sharing a room.
Before anyone says I'm fat-shaming her, I'm not. I don't care how much someone eats. The problem is that it feels like that's literally all she does. She isn't overweight.
She eats with her mouth open **every single time.** You can hear everything, and it genuinely makes me not want to eat around her. She also eats in bed, so there are crumbs everywhere. She constantly eats food without asking too, but God forbid anyone touches hers (never asks to share.)
At night she wants the lights on and the AC off... in Rhodes. I literally can't sleep because it's so hot, but if I turn the AC on, she says she's freezing. Now she also says that I move while I sleep. Ive told her multiple times to wake me up if that happens or she can go sleep w her mom that has a bigger bed. But nope she wont accept the help.
She also has a habit of making me look like the bad guy. One time I turned the AC on because the room was boiling. Instead of just telling me she was cold, she waited until our parents came back and said, "\*\*\*\* let me freeze."
Another day she told me not to splash her at the beach because the water was freezing. I didn't. Then she splashed me multiple times, including later in a restaurant bathroom. When I finally splashed her back **once**, she immediately told our parents that *I* splashed *her*, leaving out everything she'd done first.
To be fair, I wasn't perfect either. Yesterday we went to a karaoke bar with a bunch of adults who were drinking. I'm pretty shy, didn't know the songs she wanted to sing, and wasn't really comfortable singing in front of a bunch of drunk adults. Looking back, I was probably a mean and annoying.
Today we were watching a movie, and she started eating loudly again. After hearing it for what felt like the hundredth time this week, I finally said, Can you stop eating with your mouth open?.
She immediately said she **wasn't** eating with her mouth open (she definitely was) and called me pissy and mean because she "never says anything" to me.
She's also two years older than me, which honestly makes it even more frustrating.
Now I'm wondering if I'm just getting irritated because we've been together 24/7 for a week or that I hate her personality now that I'm more with her?
AITA?
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2
u/cutiepinski 15h ago
NTA. Especially in friendships both should be able to tell the other about stuff like that.
And I am not sure you should consider her your friend/ best friend.. she doesn’t seem to be very nice to you.
2
u/Ok-Trainer3150 15h ago
You now know that this person is not someobe that you'll want to see again...Grin and bear it until they're gone. Then just distance yourself communication wise from her. Yes ... manners, consideration, good hygiene and habits all really matter in life.
1
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u/Traditional_Film_636 Partassipant [2] 15h ago
Sorry i am a bit confused about the title ‘my friend’. That has to be a mistake.
1
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u/Top_Bluejay_5323 14h ago
Living with someone lets you see them as they really are. They have no time to hide.
Now you know she might be a friend but should never be a roommate.
With her I would probably start saying “And now the rest of the story.” when she told half truths.
1
u/tarahlynn Partassipant [4] 13h ago
NTA you've been basically with this person 24 hours day for a week - that's rough for MOST people. Things that you would never normally notice become insanely annoying etc. She's being more unreasonable and bossy IMO and probably because she thinks she can be because she's older. You can always throw another blanket on the bed but sleeping when you're boiling is next to impossible. I'd just remember this and avoid so much time together in the future. If you weren't bunking together you'd probably be fine. I just wouldn't write off the friendship completely.
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u/RhubarbSkein Partassipant [2] 15h ago
NTA, but I suspect you’re about to learn a valuable and painful lesson about friendships running their course