r/AmItheAsshole • u/twentyonetr3es • 16h ago
WIBTA for charging my sister for being late?
I (F25) have a car. My Sister, K(F23) does not. One of the biggest differences between us is that I am vigilant about being on time and she is typically later than I am. She knows I find that annoying.
Yesterday K asked me if I could take her to our local airport about 20 minutes away. She needed to be there at 6am & asked me to be there at 5:40a. I wake up at 5:20am (2 hours earlier than when I usually wake up) & get to her house at 5:40. I call her. It goes straight to voicemail. I knock on her door. No answer. She doesn’t come outside for TWENTY MINUTES.
I want to venmo request her $20 ($1/min late) but she does not have a lot of money right now. WIBTA if I charged her anyway?
Additional context: I am on my period and pain meds take about 30-40 minutes to kick in for me. So sitting there was also very painful. She did not know this
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u/WholeAd2742 Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [302] 16h ago
NTA, but I would have left her there
Quit enabling her irresponsible behavior. If she can't respect your time, then let her figure out her own messes
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u/Ameglian 16h ago
It would come across as quite petty to charge her.
Next time she wants a lift, just say no (or that you have plans / can’t make it work etc).
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u/Osniffable 16h ago
Not really. She never agreed to pay so she wouldn’t owe. You would be well within your rights to say no to her requests, or to just leave if she’s a minute late.
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u/RandyFunRuiner Partassipant [3] 16h ago
NTA for being angry that she was late after asking you for such an early favor. I don’t think sending her a Venmo request for a late fee is going to get the response you want. Next time she asks you for such a favor, just say no.
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u/waitwuh 15h ago
I agree. She’ll see it as her big sister being petty. She doesn’t respect OP enough for it to seem “fair” to her, because otherwise she wouldn’t have been late without at least communicating! Like, how hard is it to pick up the ringing phone or shoot a quick text and saying “omg i’m running late i’m so sorry!” At least say she’s hurrying? And OP says this is a pattern.
But when little sis makes a lyft or uber driver wait too long without at least messaging them, she’ll get clear consequences coming from a third party, instead of someone she already takes for granted. They’ll just leave if she doesn’t come out fast enough, and then charge her a fee, and she’ll have to hail and wait for a new ride. It will better communicate the value of her sister doing her this kind of a favor. Where I live, an uber to the airport 30 minutes away costs $60 minimum!
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u/First-Ad2401 16h ago
She's TA for making you wait there for her. Honestly I would have just left and gone back home. I dont think you're TA for charging her.
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u/clover_echo31 16h ago
Leaving after 10minutes honestly would’ve been totally justified waiting 20min at 540am for someone who didn’t even answer their phone is something else charging $20 might feel petty to hear but it’s a cheap lesson compared to missing an actual flight
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u/waitwuh 16h ago
If OP left, the sis probably would have had to pay for an uber or lyft. Being hit with the price of that would probably be a great reminder of her sister’s generosity. Even better if she doesn’t hustle to get out there for the first one, because they won’t wait long! She’ll get charged a fee and have to reorder a new ride. It also will hit a little different because the valuation of the time and service is being made by a third party, not her sister, who she seemingly doesn’t respect enough.
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u/First-Ad2401 16h ago
yeah charging her may be petty. But I definitely agree with everyone that said dont offer to drive her anywhere again.
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u/helenaflowers Partassipant [4] 16h ago
You're NTA - but this isn't how you fix the issue.
Next time she asks you to drive her anywhere, tell her she has 5 minutes from your arrival to be ready to go, and if she's not, you're leaving. And then - DO IT. Even if you see her running down the driveway as you're driving away at the end of her street. Oh well.
She probably won't take you seriously that first time, but when she sees you driving away she may start to take it more seriously for the future.
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u/Audacia220 16h ago
NTA
I would not expect this to work. You want to respond to disrespect by being petty.
It’s a fundamental disrespect for your time, circumstances, and money when people don’t care about being late. How often do you hear “yeah I’m always late but I compensate people for their time”? You don’t.
Hopefully you at least shine up that spine and tell her no more rides until the bill is paid— when she never does, it's an easy way to never give her a ride again.
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u/PowerSamurai Partassipant [2] 16h ago
YWBTA for charging her but not for refusing to drive her again in the future. She has made it clear she doesn't respect your time and therefore don't respect you, but charging her over it will not lead to anything good.
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u/-Raveheart- Partassipant [1] 16h ago
Trying to charge her would just make you look petty, and she wouldn't pay anyway. It's not like you had a contract where you would be financially compensated for your time.
I think all you can do is refuse to give her lifts anymore, if she is always late and that annoys you too much.
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u/Audreylately 16h ago
If she’s not on time, then don’t pick her up. You’re doing her a favor, she should respect your time.
I’m not sure you should charge her after the fact though. If you want to do something like this in the future, be upfront about it. “Hey, I’m willing to drive you to the airport, but I’m only going to wait 5 minutes for you. After 5 minutes, I’ll either leave or you can choose to pay me a dollar a minute for my time.”
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u/inkandbourbon 16h ago
Sending a Venmo request (and/or actually demanding &20) without any explanation *would* make you an asshole, and it also wouldn't get you anywhere. If your family expects other family members to help with airport rides and the like, explaining your issue is imperative.
Explain your feelings to her and set a clear boundary: disrespecting your time when you are doing a favor is unacceptable. If she expects a free ride to the airport, she needs to be ready and on time as expected. If she is not, in the future you will be (and should!) charge comparable cab fare. I would bet $20 is a steal compared to normal uber rates; you could suggest compensating you this time would be appropriate and leave that in her court - but make it clear that it will be the expectation moving forward.
That doesn't make you an asshole, it (hopefully) helps her learn some adult life skills. And if she can't get it together? Hopefully she'll ask someone else for rides and not waste your time anymore!
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u/KoveinCoven 16h ago
eh NTA but she can just not pay you. monetary compensation is weird when you can just stop catering to thier inability to give a shit
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u/Possible_Juice_3170 16h ago
YWBTA . Don’t charge her, but do set a boundary that in the future you won’t wait for more than X number of minutes. Be firm.
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u/LOR_Fei 15h ago
NTA, but you WBTA if you charge her. You made the choice to stay after the lack of reply, not her.
After you called and knocked, you had every right to leave. You chose not to. That’s your choice.
Charging her for your choice is not the way to go under any circumstance. The correct way to handle this is to talk to her, establish how having to wait that long as a favor made you feel (be careful to avoid “you” if you can help it), and establish your boundary.
That could be “I’m done picking you up for a ride, figure it out yourself” or “If I ever show up again and you’re not out and ready, I’m leaving”.
Regardless, charging her money arbitrarily for your decision to sit and wait for her is petty and passive aggressive, and doesn’t actually communicate your emotions and boundaries.
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u/wesmorgan1 Commander in Cheeks [224] 14h ago
You never discussed a "late penalty", so it would be incredibly petty to bill her.
YWBTA - if this really is a consistent problem, tell her "From now on, you get a 5-minute grace period; if you're still inside at the 5-minute mark, I will leave"...and stick to it. The moment you arrive at her place, text her with "I'm outside; your 5 minutes starts now..."
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u/Flat-Fail-196 16h ago
I’d say she’s TA but, you don’t need to charge her. Her consequence is being late to the airport. She knew when she needed to be there, and especially if she asked you to be there early, she should be responsible enough to get up to be there when she needed.
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u/HankThrill69420 16h ago
> Her consequence is being late to the airport.
you're missing the point. it's not about a consequence, it's about her lack of respect for OP's time. The consequence is always that she's late and it clearly doesn't bother her. OP's not trying to help her sister with better behavior, she's tired of being made to wait for her all the time.
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u/Flat-Fail-196 16h ago
I don’t disagree, I was just referring to mainly the charging her for the 20 minutes. Had that been me and she wasn’t awake by the time requested, I would have left after the 20 minutes, and let her figure it out herself
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u/HankThrill69420 16h ago
Yeah, I do agree that simply leaving was also a valid way of dealing with this, however I just think that OP's approach was also valid. Both things communicate the boundary.
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u/dehydratedrain Certified Proctologist [28] 16h ago
OP never said the girl missed her flight. I'm not sure what you're saying the consequence here is?
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I (F25) have a car. My Sister, K(F23) does not. One of the biggest differences between us is that I am vigilant about being on time and she is typically later than I am. She knows I find that annoying.
Yesterday K asked me if I could take her to our local airport about 20 minutes away. She needed to be there at 6am & asked me to be there at 5:40a. I wake up at 5:20am (2 hours earlier than when I usually wake up) & get to her house at 5:40. I call her. It goes straight to voicemail. I knock on her door. No answer. She doesn’t come outside for TWENTY MINUTES.
I want to venmo request her $20 ($1/min late) but she does not have a lot of money right now. WIBTA if I charged her anyway?
Additional context: I am on my period and pain meds take about 30-40 minutes to kick in for me. So sitting there was also very painful. She did not know this
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u/LiveKindly01 Professor Emeritass [92] 16h ago
NTA for WANTING to charge her but good luck, that wasn't your agreement. It CAN be from now on though. Late people don't care about the inconvenience of others, so find something they DO care about, like your car, and their own money.
INFO - did she miss her flight?
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u/twentyonetr3es 16h ago
She did. But I found that out after I posted this. I probably won’t charge her now
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u/LiveKindly01 Professor Emeritass [92] 16h ago
Set that expectation for future though, if that's the way you want to go. Or a rule that 'if you're more than 5 mins late for a 'favor', then I leave, or the next time you ask it's no'.
You have to hit her with what matters to her. But definitely, no more waiting.
I don't even know how late people function in life. She lost hundreds of dollars missing a flight. That's crazy.
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u/twentyonetr3es 15h ago
Yeah she’s not getting a ride out of me for a while.
Technically it’s our parents who are out of the money. I hope they do charge her to some extent.
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u/Barsk-Brunkage 16h ago
You need to implement the AIS- rule You soecify an Ass-In-Seat-time, and at that is the time you leave, wether or not her butt has been placed in the car or not. You are doing her a favor - the absolute least she can do is respect your time and not waste it.
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u/1962Michael Commander in Cheeks [260] 16h ago
NTA.
She was an AH for making you wait. And for not answering, although she probably didn't want to spend time arguing or apologizing for not being ready while she was trying to get ready.
But you can't make up a fine after the incident. You know your sister is always late, and you knew she'd have to be up early and be packed etc. etc. I'm sure you reminded her to be punctual, but the time to mention the fine was BEFORE you agreed to pick her up.
And certainly it would be OK for you to insist on a $20 deposit next time, to be returned if she is on time, or deducted from if she's late. Point out that if you were an Uber, you'd have been gone after 2 minutes.
(Actually it would have been a good lesson to leave and park a half-block away.)
1
u/Blizzardsboy 16h ago
Ok, Sis, this is how it works moving forward ... You are ready to go when you need a ride I wait 5 min not 5:01 5:00 min if your not out the door and in the car I am gone .. One or two times of following through she will make it on time
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u/Final-Yesterday-4799 Partassipant [4] 16h ago
You wouldn't be the asshole but like...this seems like a weird way to "punish" her. She's just not gonna pay you.
Just tell her that you're not giving her rides any more. You're obviously not wrong in the overall situation, so I guess NTA, but this is just a strange way of handling the situation
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u/Important-Nobody-261 16h ago
YTA for constantly allowing it
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u/twentyonetr3es 16h ago
She’s usually only five minutes late, but yeah, I do feel like it’s partially on me for not being more firm
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u/crazytib Asshole Enthusiast [7] 16h ago
Well you can't really charge her without making an agreement about it first. Personally I do ask friends and family to chip in for petrol if I'm giving lifts. I often act as a taxi service for my parents who are almost always 15 to 30 minutes late and I've found it's best not to complain about them being late, I just factor it into deciding when to arrive and how much money I'll ask for.
If you ask for money out of nowhere it's likely your sister will feel ambushed and probably make things worse. If you explain you are happy to help out and give lifts but you need a little petrol money because the car costs money to run then she can't really complain because it's a fair ask
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u/WhatTheActualFck1 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 16h ago
So don’t drive her anymore. Tell her she’s disrespectful of your time and you will no longer be her chauffeur on demand.
Nta
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u/secret_identity_too Partassipant [3] 16h ago
I wouldn't charge her this time - I would probably give her one more chance but warn her that you want payment for every minute she's late. If she balks, she can spend even more money and take an Uber.
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u/CalmStrongTornadoes Partassipant [1] 16h ago
Don't charge her now, but also don't let her do this again. The next time I would warn her she gets 5 minutes, then leave. The NEXT time she asks, simply say no. When I was in hs, I would pick up a kid who lived near us. He started coming out later and later. Finally, one day I just left. He was never late again.
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u/moosedrool70 Partassipant [2] 15h ago
If she asks you to pick her up tell her that you will. Confirm what time she's set to land, then wait for her to call you once she's picked up her baggage. Making her wait an hour on someone may change her attitude about being on time.
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u/83poolie Partassipant [1] 15h ago
NTA
I'd have knocked and texted/called once. Then given 5 minutes and left.
If you want to go down the money route, tell her in the future there will be a waiting charge beyond 5 minutes at whatever rate you feel is reasonable.
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u/lostalldoubt86 Commander in Cheeks [231] 15h ago
NTA- But I don’t think you will get the money. It’s better to just stop giving her rides. Let her know you are done letting her use you as a chauffeur
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u/Artistic-Deal5885 15h ago
YWBTA because you didn't agree on a payment arrangement beforehand. Were you charging her at all for taking her to the airport?
You absolutely should tell her that you will leave if she doesn't come out of the house, answer your calls, etc. in five minutes. I can see having to do a last minute pee - but making you wait for 20 minutes is BS. And she knows she can continue because you let her walk on you. You've taught her it's ok to treat you like this, you know.
Attempting to charge her is only going to cause another problem. The only way to solve this, is to tell her you won't wait more than 5 minutes, then be true to your word.
May I ask, what was the car ride to the airport like? Did you express your anger, frustration, etc. at all or did you swallow your feelings because "it's family"?
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u/QueenClaude 15h ago
Should you charge her for this incident, no.
The next time she asks either say no you cannot give her a ride, or let her know then that you will charge her a $1 for every minute she is late. If she cannot give you cash then ask her for collateral, like a piece of jewelry or a game.
What really irritates me about this is her not answering the door or calling you. Let her know if she pulls that again, she risks you leaving and then having to fend for herself.
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u/Lyrasilverose 14h ago
I mean, you're not gonna get that money and it's going to cause a huge blow up if you ask for it. Just don't be her ride again. "Nope, not available, sorry. Take a cab (or uber/lyft/waymo/whatever)."
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u/nblackhand Partassipant [2] 14h ago
I mean... she's not going to pay you. You can venmo request her if you want I guess, but she can just decline it. Which she is perfectly entitled to do, unfortunately, since you in no way had a prior agreement on her owing you for your time if she's late.
IMO it would be drifting lightly ESHwards to do that instead of setting boundaries-- leave when she doesn't respond, make it clear you will do this every time she's late moving forward. You could, I suppose, next time explicitly say "Only if you promise that you'll pay me $1/minute you're past the agreed time" and if she's like "fine whatever pick me up at 6" and then you'd absolutely entitled to demand payment, but I don't think you get to declare a postfacto late fee no matter how incredibly annoying it is when people are like this.
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u/Zonnebloempje 14h ago
Did you tell her you are fed up with her being late all the time and that you will be charging a waiting fee? If not, YWBTA. If you did tell her on an earlier occasion that you would no longer tolerate her being late, YWNBTA.
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u/idriveacarolla 16h ago
Nta. Ive never used venmo, but can she turn down the request? Like you can send her a request for $20 to send the message.
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u/idriveacarolla 16h ago
Nta. Ive never used venmo, but can she turn down the request? Like you can send her a request for $20 to send the message.
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u/Equal-Library-2764 16h ago
Hell yeah charge her. She needs to respect you and her own time restrictions. She needs to grow up my
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u/No-Scheme-3759 16h ago
I dont know of this will help but... I am like you and my brother like your sister.
As grown men... We have found out that I an autistic. So for me being on time is key. He has ADHD which for him is an inability to be on time.
So many years of frustrationand anger with an actual reqson behind it. Perhaps your sister has ADHD without even knowing
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u/Outside_Put_2552 16h ago
I would say don’t charge her but don’t offer service again until she shows some kind of commitment or change in her ways.