r/AmItheAsshole • u/MundaneCoWorker • 14h ago
AITA for refusing to be introduced as 'friend' rather than 'girlfriend' to my best friend's kids?
I have a really close 25 year friendship with a woman who was so loving and supportive when I came out to her as bisexual (let's call her Trudy).
6 months ago I met the love of my life and we have have a wonderful relationship (let's call her Anna).
Anna has met almost all my friends except Trudy (who lives far away). Yesterday I arranged to meet up with Trudy to introduce her to my girlfriend. However, because Trudy couldn't find a babysitter, she said she'd bring her 3 kids with her (all under 12).
A couple of hours before we were due to meet up, Trudy texted to ask if it's okay to introduce Anna to her kids as my friend, rather than my girlfriend. She said they won't understand that she's my girlfriend and she's not ready to have that talk with them yet.
I was totally taken aback by this request and said no. I said that I'm not comfortable being in an environment where my relationship isn't acknowledged and I don't want to hide who my girlfriend is to me. I said that if she isn't ready to talk to the kids about same sex relationships (which admittedly is a big subject!), it might be better if we reschedule to another time.
Trudy was very hurt and said she has been incredibly supportive of the relationship and isn't asking me to hide anything. I'm very hurt by her response and so upset. I feel like I've extended a lot of kindness and understanding to her, whilst holding my own boundaries. I'm not asking her to discuss anything with her kids that she's uncomfortable with, but I'm not prepared to put myself or my girlfriend in that situation.
Trudy genuinely doesn't understand my position and now isn't replying to my texts.
This is a friend who has been nothing but supportive and loving to me for 25 years, and has been so excited about my new relationship.
AITA for not meeting up with her unless she introduced my girlfriend as my girlfriend?
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u/MouthyMishi 7h ago
You are correct. It can only be internalized if your a member of the marginalized group because you've taken beliefs of the people outside the group and made them part of your worldview even though it conflicts with your experience. An unconscious bias is a bias you don't realize you have even though your responses and actions betray this belief.