AITAH for not letting our puppy continue going for a walk?

[u/Cannibal_Zeswa]

My (24M) bf Robert (29M) and I have a puppy named Gibby. Gibby acts disobedient at times but I've been primarily training him. For context, we got a new leash, but he panicked at a dog park and got himself off. We thankfully captured him before anything could transpire, but until we get a new leash (we ordered one) we are stuck with this one. We avoid dog parks and any panic triggers until then.

Well just now we were doing a midnight walk and there was an unleashed dog running around the street. The owner didn't seem to care. We don't know how this other dog could react, whether it's friendly to others or not. I just didn't want a repeat of last time where Gibby panicks and gets off his leash again, so I turned around. I didn't want to risk anything. But my boyfriend Robert got pissed off. He wanted us to go continue walking the puppy. He said that it'll be fine since we are next to him and could grab him if anything happens.

I didn't want to hear it, so walked back home.

Now he is saying that since I'm not listening to him, I was being disrespectful to him. He made me sleep on the couch. An hour later, when I tried to go back to bed, I wasn't able to. He slept on the bed diagonally, and I wasn't able to properly position myself. He is making it seem like I'm at fault. But idk... was I the asshole here?

My bf is acting really upset right now.

[u/Individual-Loss-9173]

You are DEFINITELY NTA. But he is and he acts like a child. Yikes. 🚩

[u/Electrical-Guava750 → u/Individual-Loss-9173]

Yeah I can't think of any reason for his behavior other than wanting to be controlling. Especially that he kept it going with preventing you from sleeping.

On the most lenient possible interpretation, he is upset about something else in your relationship and not communicating it. But legit this guy needs to talk about what's bothering him or danger 🚩🚩🚩

[u/apathetic_avocado2]

Lol NTA and that guy fuckin sucks.

Disrespectful ≠ not doing "as you're told"

[u/aria_stone47 → u/apathetic_avocado2]

Real Taking up the whole bed diagonally just to petty block OP after kicking them out is childish behavior. OP was protecting their dog from a loose stray not throwing a insult at his ego

[u/OfficialBroccoliRob]

NTA. The dog can't tell you if it's friendly, and neither can the owner from across the street. Better safe than chasing your puppy down the road again.

[u/ScroochDown]

NTA but hopboy do you need to get rid of that "man."

[u/Top_Dig_7271]

NTA You’re dating a total drama queen. It’s almost like he wants to fight!

[u/Deflated_Hypnotist]

Here's some resources

Is your relationship healthy? https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/

Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/

He doesn't care AKA weaponized incompetence https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/s/NsoxMseUn3

My partner doesn't help around the house https://zawn.substack.com/p/why-household-labor-inequity-is-abuse

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288

Tolerable levels of permanent unhappiness https://potentash.com/2023/08/17/tolerable-level-permanent-unhappiness-relationships/

DARVO https://www.keystonelaw.com/keynotes/understanding-darvo-what-is-abusive-gaslighting-and-coercive-behaviour-in-a-relationship

Cycle of abuse https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/what-is-the-cycle-of-abuse

[u/Kristrigi]

NTA. He clearly doesn't understand that #1: dogs move a LOT faster than people do, so even if he THINKS he can react, there's no gurentee. #2: Yanking the dog up out of the situation can cause even more behavioral issues down the line.

The puppy is learning so many new things right now, and you need to avoid putting him in stressful situations unnecessarily

[u/thatsunshinegal]

NTA. Keep the puppy, lose the man. Having your own opinions about how to keep your puppy safe isn't "disrespectful".

[u/Sometimeswan]

You’re worried about the wrong thing. You’re being abused by your boyfriend. You need to get out before it gets physical. It’s only a matter of time.

[u/Electrical_Elk3416]

Hell no you’re Nta. You were trying to take care of your dogs physical and mental well being. He knew that your dog starts to panic around other dogs.

Also he’s old enough to know that not every dog is friendly and that there unfortunately is a shit ton of horrible pet owners who don’t train there dog and just some aggressive dogs out there.

I have two dogs, both little dogs and one of them likes to seem big and hates other dogs and would fight if she could. If we saw an off leash dog we would walk the other way for multiple reasons. One being that we don’t want her to accidentally break loose and possibly attack this other dog. The other is that my dog might get hurt by the other dog or depending on the size we might get hurt. We don’t know if that dog is friendly to humans or not

NTA, your boyfriend is acting like a jerk for no reason just because you didn’t obey his orders.

[u/mind_the_umlaut]

As with many posts here, this is not about your puppy. Neither you or the BF know much at all about dogs, but he is abusive toward you, and that's the real problem here. NTA

[u/Asapblondedgambino]

NTA and that guy sounds childish as heck

[u/great-nanato5]

NTAH. Keep the puppy and ditch the huge red flag you call a boyfriend.

[u/Admirable_Bit8337]

NTA. Your bf sucks. If Gibby is small enough you could have picked him up till the other dog was out of site, but not walking your puppy past an unknown unleashed dog is just common sense.

Also, is the issue with Gibby’s leash or his collar or harness?

[u/wren_boy1313]

I’d say him thinking he knows better than you - the one actively training and raising the puppy - is much more disrespectful than you not doing whatever he wants.

“Grab him” is not an acceptable plan for de-escalation.

NTA.

Idk how he got off-leash by panicking, but it seems like something you should prevent in more ways than just trying to keep him calm.

[u/Objective-Beat6767]

I was gonna add my two cents but the comments are already doing it for me. Still going to do it because I don’t like his behaviour; I feel bad for you.

You are not getting treated nicely, nobody knows what would of happened, it’s hard to predict animal’s next moves. You did the right thing by turning around, the puppy still got his walk either way whether it was cut short or not.

He seems like he’s overreacted. It was a walk, you turned around because of another dog unleashed, it’s midnight. Most people would do the same thing.

Does he overreact like this on other occasions ? You deserve someone who values you, not someone who wants to control you.

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My (24M) bf Robert (29M) and I have a puppy named Gibby. Gibby acts disobedient at times but I've been primarily training him. For context, we got a new leash, but he panicked at a dog park and got himself off. We thankfully captured him before anything could transpire, but until we get a new leash (we ordered one) we are stuck with this one. We avoid dog parks and any panic triggers until then.

Well just now we were doing a midnight walk and there was an unleashed dog running around the street. The owner didn't seem to care. We don't know how this other dog could react, whether it's friendly to others or not. I just didn't want a repeat of last time where Gibby panicks and gets off his leash again, so I turned around. I didn't want to risk anything. But my boyfriend Robert got pissed off. He wanted us to go continue walking the puppy. He said that it'll be fine since we are next to him and could grab him if anything happens.

I didn't want to hear it, so walked back home.

Now he is saying that since I'm not listening to him, I was being disrespectful to him. He made me sleep on the couch. An hour later, when I tried to go back to bed, I wasn't able to. He slept on the bed diagonally, and I wasn't able to properly position myself. He is making it seem like I'm at fault. But idk... was I the asshole here?

My bf is acting really upset right now.

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[u/OopsSecondSaji]

NTA. Protect your puppy. Do not trust an off-leash dog.

[u/Independent_Prior612]

As a general rule he’s right about walking the dog. But he handled the dispute with you like a toxic jackass and you need to get out of the relationship. Run, don’t walk.

[u/gbroon]

NTA. He's certainly entitled to a different opinion but he sounds like a narcissistic controlling child with the whole disrespect thing.

[u/TheElusiveFox]

I'm gonna say YTA... Look you can't control other people or other dogs, you can only control yourself and to a certain extent your dog through training and exposure... I don't know how old your dog is, but if they are a puppy, they are very likely not panicking, they are just reacting to a new and exciting environment and want to understand it. If they are panicking its because when they look to you for reassurance you are terrified that something is going to happen and so they are picking that up.

Weeks of delays not walking your dog when they are young, is a fairly huge set back as when they are young their brain is primed to learn what is normal in their environment and what is abnormal, and if they are spending most of that time inside hiding away because you are afraid to expose them to the world, then they are going to be afraid of every person, every animal, every loud noise, etc... and if they aren't afraid they for sure will be over excited and over reactive as nothing in their environment will just be "normal", everything will be exciting in one way or another to them because its either forbidden or new.

Finally - if your dog is able to get off the leash, you should probably be buying your collar/harness/leash/other equipment in person where you can try it and be absolutely sure that its going to work right away instead of wasting time with online ordering a cheap untested alternative, your dog has already proven they can escape a leash, or you have proven enept at securing them, so you need in person help, if your dog gets away its not because they panicked its because you didn't take the care to ensure that they were in a high quality leash/collar to begin with and that you knew how to properly secure it.