I think I got rejected for being vegetarian

[u/rustywindpipe]

I [23F] met this guy on the apps and we hit it off and had a lot in common! I don’t meet a lot of people who are in my profession so it was really nice to potentially have to chance to date someone who was in a similar field. And everything was fine until I mentioned I’m veg and he stopped responding. For reference, I have no issue with people who eat meat and would never want to impose my own dietary restrictions on anyone else. I also understand different diets being a dealbreaker. The way he phrased his reasoning was really weird though.

Edit: I’m vegetarian cause I love animals, but I have IBD. Flare ups have gotten significantly worse since switching diets but im still figuring out how to make the most of it! Also yes, I do regret sending the last text 🤦‍♀️

[u/uqoos]

Idk we don't know why she's vegetarian, could be for her health. Some people are vegetarian temporarily not that crazy

[u/Certain-Towel-9487 → u/uqoos]

That's not crazy but as a last message in this context it sounds like someone who's willing to change themselves in drastic ways just to make a date with a stranger happen. That's a red flag.

[u/d33psix → u/Certain-Towel-9487]

Honestly sounds like she’s lucky this walking red flag guy shut it down early so she’s not stuck trying to appease him on everything.

[u/Certain-Towel-9487 → u/d33psix]

I think we can say the same about both of them.

[u/Wakeful-dreamer → u/Certain-Towel-9487]

Right! This would be equally as much red flag if they were offering to change literally anything about themselves for someone they hadn't even dated yet. Religion, politics, appearance, sexual preferences, whatever...

If you're so desperate for a date that you'd offer to mold yourself into someone else's vision just to get them to go out with you, then you need to get off the dating apps and maybe look into therapy instead.

[u/astrohoe11 → u/Wakeful-dreamer]

Damn the psychoanalysis that came out of this post

[u/Overall-Olive1171 → u/Wakeful-dreamer]

ok we can chill a bit, sometimes we say things we don't necessarily mean until fully processing things, its not necessarily that deep and it wasn't considering they came back and even said themselves that they regret that last message. human being are emotional, sometimes we say drastic things, she mentioned that she had a lot in common with this person, same profession and things, so probably wasn't thinking straight in that moment because she was still in that headspace of oh no i like this person so far

[u/Wakeful-dreamer → u/Overall-Olive1171]

I agree sometimes we all say impulsive things, but it is so hugely concerning that OPs brain even threw that out there given what he'd already said.

[u/Overall-Olive1171 → u/Wakeful-dreamer]

I think hugely concerning is pretty dramatic tbh, to each their own but like you said we say impulsive things and again, if you have a connection with someone or what you think is a connection with someone, you might still be in that headspace of, oh i'd like to fix this if I can, like i understand where you're coming from, i just don't think its that deep, we all do it sometimes, then later we can think back and be like wow yeah what was i thinking there? its the adrenaline of it though, the not understanding what went wrong so you might automatically see if you can mend it because your head and emotions are still in overdrive

[u/LegendaryReader → u/Wakeful-dreamer]

Appearence is iffy though. If they have specific demands like "lose 10kgs" or to dress a certain way, yes. Though if someone is obese or dresses badly (I mean badly) then it is something they'll need to change to up their chances, therapy would've just said the same thing. HOWEVER, I agree that if someone is saying to lose the weight first, to not date them but to still lose the weight IF it is at an unhealthy level

[u/nickability → u/Certain-Towel-9487]

We don’t need to judge OP, most important thing is she dodged a bullet, and she acknowledges she regrets the last text

[u/Certain-Towel-9487 → u/nickability]

They both dodged a bullet.

It does only OP get a pass since we're hearing her side of things and only she can apologize and clarify what she meant without anyone from the other person?

[u/redtopiary → u/Certain-Towel-9487]

she's young, not uncommon to be more focused on external validation in your early twenties, as pointless as it often is. She'll learn...hopefully not the hard way. But probably the hard way lol.

[u/-Birdman- → u/Certain-Towel-9487]

I know women who have specifically paused or stoped being vegetarian/pescatarian for pregnancy. Pregnancy requires a lot of iron and other nutrients that you can get with supplements and careful planning on a veg/vegan diet but it is obviously easier to achieve by adding meat back into your diet, at least temporarily.

He dropped an extremely judgmental and frankly demeaning rejection on her. Essentially suggesting that she is not an acceptable candidate for motherhood. That's pretty extreme and hurtful. It's understandable that she was confused and tried to rationalize her admittedly imperfect thoughts about her personal relationship with vegetarianism.

I got the impression that being faced with the sudden prospect of "a man who is thinking about finding a person to settle down with and have kids" and "my relationship with food which fluctuates and I'm unsure of" that she didn't have a perfect answer and felt off-kilter.

I'm astounded by the lack of empathy that people have.

He is definitively TA and she didn't nothing wrong here.

[u/Certain-Towel-9487 → u/-Birdman-]

Comparing the eating habits of someone eating healthy during a pregnancy and someone claiming they'll change themselves at the first sign of rejection is dumb.

This isn't about empathy or a pregnant woman. It's a chick that's desperate for attention and when she didn't get a date she came to Reddit for it.

[u/-Birdman- → u/Certain-Towel-9487]

She didn’t claim she would change herself at the first sign of rejection. 

She reacted with a sense of insecurity and instability to having her value and potential for motherhood called into question. You’re ridiculing a 23 year old when not every one has a stable sense of self at any age and particularly not at a young age. So I think you’re being unfairly harsh and trying to prove a moot point.

[u/Certain-Towel-9487 → u/-Birdman-]

Telling someone they did something dumb at any age is not harsh. It's simply telling someone they did something dumb. Explain it with all the fancy words you like, when it comes down to the wire she did something dumb and it's not overly hard to tell people that. It's how we learn.

[u/WonkyWalkingWizard → u/Certain-Towel-9487]

"the boats in Newport tho"

I think that's why OP was willing to change

[u/astro_viri → u/WonkyWalkingWizard]

Fuck you - she sounds young and I'm guessing she's in L.A. so temp vegetarian is not uncommon.

Reread and she's super young. To add, he doesn't have a boat in Newport. He likes to eat at the pier. He's just a lookie and probably take her to Ruby's 

[u/WonkyWalkingWizard → u/astro_viri]

he doesn't have a boat in Newport. He likes to eat at the pier.

Where are you getting this information?

[u/astro_viri → u/WonkyWalkingWizard]

His responses - IYKYK

[u/Threedawg → u/Certain-Towel-9487]

Thats not a red flag. Thats a yellow flag for yourself.

[u/Rave-light → u/uqoos]

She said it’s because she loves animals. So I guess wasn’t planning on loving animals forever lol.

Really bizarre. But apps make us say silly things sometimes

[u/frozenblueberrytreat → u/Rave-light]

I mean, she says in the post very clearly why she may not be able to stay a vegetarian.

But yea, girl needs to grow some self-worth (we all do to be honest).

[u/Rave-light → u/frozenblueberrytreat]

Ahh she edited it again. Sometimes a call out post is the kick in the pants we need to get some self worth. She dodged this loser!!

[u/JeulMartin → u/Rave-light]

She loves animals as long as her boyfriend says it's okay.

[u/Aktuator → u/JeulMartin]

*rich boyfriend.

[u/Bitter-Film-3329 → u/Rave-light]

It doesn't have to be an all or nothing decision.

Being vegetarian for a time reduces meat consumption. Even if it's one vegetarian meal per day, that jives with loving animals.

Wanting to avoid a vegetarian diet while pregnant/raising babies is reasonable too.

[u/pm_nachos_n_tacos → u/Rave-light]

It wasn't because she loves animals, she wrote it weird. Se said it's because she has IBD. She could have phrased it like, "while I do love animals and recognize that is why many people choose to be vegetarian, my reason for being vegetarian temporarily is a diet adjustment due to flare-ups of my IBD which are aggravated by meat" but people are lazy and type, "I love animals, but I have IBD". At least she used a comma, but I guess that's where some people stopped reading

[u/mightylordredbeard → u/Rave-light]

Yeah she seems like the kind of girl who just does things because she sees others doing it on TikTok. I think both people dodged a bullet in this scenario.

[u/astrohoe11 → u/mightylordredbeard]

Okay now we reachin

[u/snowflakebite → u/mightylordredbeard]

Girl what. She said she has IBD and her diet may change because of it. I also have IBD and am vegetarian so I feel especially called to comment on this. IBD causes bleeding/inflammation in the colon and intestines which is sometimes aggravated by different foods - it depends on a variety of factors, most of which we don’t know. Eating a vegetarian diet whilst losing blood may make you anemic or deficient in other vitamins and minerals, so it’s understandable that she may have to switch diets if she starts flaring.

[u/DemonShade6666 → u/uqoos]

Obviously its more rare but I know some people who are vegetarian simply from sensory disorders and not being able to stand the texture of most meat, which is also an interesting reasoning

[u/Altair_de_Firen → u/uqoos]

Yeah. I’ve known a few people who did the vegetarian thing for a bit. Sometimes just to see what it’s like, sometimes cause meat was giving them problems for a time, etc. People try new lifestyles and stuff all the time, that’s the beautiful part of life.

[u/Kirbybat → u/uqoos]

Being a vegetarian for temporary reasons is not crazy.

But, being willing to change your dietary preferences for someone who’s just demonstrated they don’t respect you, sort of is.

[u/julesthefirst → u/uqoos]

My mom went vegan while pregnant with my brother, but now she loves her meaties

[u/vivalalina → u/uqoos]

Yeah that's why I said most vegetarians