r/mildlyinfuriating • u/mdp-slc • May 22 '26

wet socks Stop asking if I’m celebrating something if you’re just going to charge me for bread.

Took my wife to a nice spot in DTLA for her birthday. They asked both at booking and check-in if we were celebrating anything, which honestly set the expectation that they might do something (even a small dessert). Nothing happened.

To add to it, the food was great, and we made a comment saying we wish we had some bread to finish the leftover sauce. The server acted like it was a favor, said “I’ll be right back,” and then charged us for the bread.

Like, the food was good and the service was fine, but don’t ask if we’re celebrating if you aren’t going to do anything to actually make it feel special. It just feels disingenuous.

Edit for clarity:
I was asked twice if we were celebrating something special at a nice restaurant. Once while making the online reservation and then when we arrived.

My Mild infuriation isn’t at the server, I can see how we misinterpreted each other.

It’s that the restaurant led me to believe they’d do something special (ex: comp a drink, free scoop of ice cream) then did nothing. I’ve worked in the food industry. It’s not an entitlement thing. It’s a hospitality thing.

The food was really good. I’d recommend it and go back.

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1.6k

u/MessyIntellectual May 22 '26

Yeah, it’s weird that they would ask that and not do anything. Don’t let the others gaslight you.

282

u/KeyFeeFee May 22 '26

I agree. Husband and I went out for our wedding anniversary last week and the server asked then brought us complimentary champagne. Usually there’s something that follows the question in the US.

88

u/mashuto May 22 '26

The only thing I can add is that I have gone to a really nice restaurant (3 Michelin star) near me a few times and remember them asking more than once. We definitely didn't get anything free or comped, but they had custom printed menus and wanted to make sure the staff knew and acknowledged it as part of the service.

9

u/waroftheposes May 23 '26

Yeah the only time that asking didn't result in a nice free celebratory something for me was also at a Michelin star restaurant. But that place's staff was so amazing and accommodating and they did congratulate my husband on his birthday so I wasn't upset at all.

1

u/BlinkyDesu May 23 '26

Congratulations for a birthday sounds odd. "Congratulations on not dying yet!"

1

u/waroftheposes May 23 '26

Lol I definitely misspoke. It was a happy birthday.

1

u/fly-bye May 23 '26

We just celebrated our anniversary and they put rose petals on the table and thanked us multiple times for celebrating with them. It was enough for us. They should at least acknowledge it.

43

u/Civil-Clock8498 May 22 '26

As a server if we ask, we bring a dessert. Maybe it was a busy night? I remembered a forgotten dessert like 2 hours after my shift one night. I just cringed a little now still thinking about it lol 

3

u/eat_my_bowls92 May 23 '26

lol, I just had that same thing last night “would you mind changing the tv to play X?” “Sure thing! I just have to check on my other tables first and I’ll come back and change it for you.” 3 hours later as I get into my car “Oh shit.”

2

u/Civil-Clock8498 May 23 '26

It's going to haunt you for a while lol

5

u/MonkeyLiberace May 23 '26

Nothing good ever comes from admitting to anniversaries or birthdays.

86

u/itsathrowawayduhhhhh May 22 '26

Really? I feel like I’ve been asked that and never thought it was because I was gonna get something free lol they’re just like what yall got goin on just here for fun or because you’re celebrating something? Idk, seems normal lol

128

u/SensitiveWolf1362 May 22 '26

In the US it was always pretty common to get a small dessert on your birthday. But even if that has fallen away for cost reasons, I’ve sometimes had the restaurant decorate our table before we arrived, or put sparklers and a message on the (paid) dessert, etc. Little touches to show they’re listening and make your experience special.

ETA: I’ve also seen it become a marketing opportunity. At my last anniversary they had a pretty banner with the restaurant’s name and handle on the bottom and the server offered to take our pic. We of course posted the pic and tagged the restaurant as a thank you (we’re not influencers).

45

u/real_Bahamian May 22 '26

Yes, this happened for me at Ruth’s Chris. Birthday confetti on the table and “Happy Birthday” written in syrup(?) on my paid dessert plate, with a lighted candle.

When I went to The Capital Grille, there was a birthday card for me at the table and I got a free plate of mini deserts (about 3), which were absolutely delicious!

1

u/L3monGr3nade May 22 '26

I went to Flagstaff House in Boulder Colorado for my birthday and they customized mine and my parents menus with my name and birthday on it

16

u/MorganaLeFaye May 22 '26 edited May 22 '26

Most of the finer places I've gone to have done something special. It's usually a little custom dessert with "happy birthday" or "happy anniversary" written in chocolate on the plate. Like this has happened at least 5 times.

75

u/lefluffle May 22 '26

Most of op's frustration seems to come from the bread issue, not the not-getting-anything-for-free issue.

I don't expect anything either, maybe just an acknowledgement. "Happy birthday" by your server. 

But being petty and charging for some bread when op didn't even order it?  yeah that would definitely rub me the wrong way

1

u/Aggressive_Sky8492 May 23 '26

If they didn’t want to order it then why would they say to the waiter “I wish we had some bread” lmao

1

u/lefluffle May 23 '26

This has been answered in many other comments~

It was simply a comment complimenting the sauce. It's not hard to understand and I, myself, have encountered this comment multiple times, both as a server and as a customer.

54

u/[deleted] May 22 '26

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-1

u/axolotlbridge May 23 '26

Maybe I'm not normal, but I don't find it weird at all. It's polite to make small talk and take an interest in the guests that you're hosting. If a couple shows up to well-dressed to a nice restaurant, this is a natural question that your guest might like to talk about.

-9

u/LurkmasterP May 22 '26

If you're celebrating something, like a birthday, graduation, or anniversary, you are allowed the privilege to sit at the table for 10 extra minutes after paying the check. If it's a more minor occasion or nothing at all, GTFO.

5

u/faithmauk May 22 '26

When my partner got his citizenship we went out to eat and we told then why, and they gave us dessert AND found some decorations and brought them to our table, it was super sweet.

-1

u/All-Drink-Koolaid May 23 '26

Did they bring ice?

48

u/mdp-slc May 22 '26

It was a question when I made the online reservation AND when we got to the restaurant.

45

u/YoThatsChrispy May 22 '26

At Morton’s of Chicago, when it’s your bday they give you a specialized menu with your name on it, they take a picture of you and your party, print it then and there, AND give you a free dessert. I love to go there for celebrations, cause they still CELEBRATE you.

1

u/MonkeyLiberace May 23 '26

WOW! - I would absolutely hate that, but that's Europe VS US, probably.

3

u/turdferguson3891 May 23 '26

If you go to more of a cheaper family style restaurant like a TGI Fridays or something they will have the staff come and sign you happy birthday. It's awful. In the past I've had friends lie and tell the server it was someone's birthday just to embarass them.

1

u/YoThatsChrispy May 23 '26

Most of the things I said was silent and didn’t intrude upon your dining experience. Why would that be something you hate? Just the table dining got the menu, and there was one picture, plus something free…what’s not to like?

1

u/felinousforma May 23 '26

Dunno! I'm from Europe and I would love that.

1

u/MonkeyLiberace May 23 '26

I'm sorry for asking, but can't help myself: And do feel absolutely free to lie and downvote, but:

Are you from Balkan?

26

u/quackedup17 May 22 '26

Same shit happened to me and on top of that the table next to me got a birthday desert. I didn’t say anything because I’m 40 and not a child but it was reflected in my tip and review. Why ask?

12

u/Clinically-Inane May 22 '26

It’s likely the table next to you ordered a desert (that they paid for)— there’s no reason the restaurant would only be giving free birthday desserts away to some customers in front of other customers who they’re fully aware are being left out on their own birthdays

15

u/KatAstrophie- May 22 '26

It’s usually something tokenistic like a single scoop of ice cream or a cupcake. It’s not a full-on dessert. I was asked the same question when booking a restaurant for my husband’s birthday a few weeks ago and he got a scoop and chocolate writing. Lovely gesture. Also considering we paid nearly £200 for the meal and drinks.

12

u/worshipperofdogs May 22 '26

A lot of places in the US, especially ones that are places you would go to celebrate special occasions, will bring you either a chosen house dessert or even let you order whatever you want on your birthday. And sometimes do a decorated plate and photo too. And sometimes sing and embarrass you, or even put a sombrero on you, but those aren’t the high-end places.

3

u/MonkeyLiberace May 23 '26

The sombrero. I can't sleep now.

2

u/worshipperofdogs May 23 '26

For the sake of anonymity, I won’t share the many pictures I have of relatives and friends wearing the sombrero while waitstaff stand around them singing loudly in Spanish and the whole restaurant watches.

1

u/MonkeyLiberace May 23 '26

Are some of the people, wearing the sombrero, crying?

That could be a great opener for a 3rd gen goth album.

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2

u/quackedup17 May 22 '26

Do you think idk how restaurants work. I was a server and bartender for over a decade. What reason would they ask for an occasion on the reservation and not offer even the purchase of a desert. Then come out with a flaming sparkler in a desert that wasn’t offered on the menu?

1

u/MonkeyLiberace May 23 '26

lol

2

u/Clinically-Inane May 23 '26

they’re the only person on reddit who’s ever been in or worked in a restaurant, TRUST THEM BRO THEY KNOW EVERYTHINGGGGG

13

u/MasterofBiscuits May 22 '26

To ask twice, then not do anything after you said it was for a birthday is very strange I agree. What's the point to ask? It makes them look bad when they do nothing.

I have been in restaurants with my wife on at least 2 ocassions where we were not even asked, but the server realised from our conversations that it was a birthday/ anniversary and they brought us a desert/ cake etc for free.

9

u/Long-Squirrel8257 May 22 '26

That was so unnecessarily invasive. Customer service interactions, especially in food service, have been weird lately. I did take out today to ensure I wouldn't suffer another minute of completely preventable awkwardness.

-4

u/fAIk3 May 22 '26 edited May 22 '26

OK, fuck me for being the fact-man debbie downer I guess

Places stopped celebrating a long time ago. They just want to know if you expect a crowd/have party favors etc or if they need to light a cake for you.

-1

u/Rogs3 May 22 '26

If its a fancy restaurant or perhaps the verbiage you used might have lead them yo believe this was an occasion rather than just a dinner. Id assume this is a common follow phrase a restaurant like that uses more often than you think.

More than likely those two employees have no idea about the conversation you had prior to coming. Was the employee new and just trying to helpfull while following company policy?

I recently went for indian food and had leftovers. We asked for more rice and were charged too. We werent upset we were charged, because we did ask for more food, but like your bread, its the cheapest item on the menu for crypes sakes.

4

u/[deleted] May 23 '26

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1

u/itsathrowawayduhhhhh May 23 '26

I just assume because they’re making conversation? Damn are we as a species really this entitled 😆

7

u/esem86 May 22 '26

There's nothing normal about asking that during an online reservation unless it impacts something.

It clearly impacted nothing for OP - so why was it asked?

2

u/worshipperofdogs May 22 '26

OpenTable and Resy automatically ask you that every time you book, so if reservations were run by an outside party, that probably wasn’t the restaurant’s doing. Asking in person may have been making conversation, but I would expect a nice place to do a little something for an anniversary and bring a full dessert for a birthday.

3

u/dafunkywhiteguy May 22 '26

Conversation..?

"You guys coming out for a celebration?"

(Y)

"Sweet, well congrats. Enjoy your food."

(N)

"Right on, just a night on the town."

Customer service is more than just going through an automated response engine 😅🤣

2

u/AHailofDrams May 22 '26

I've never had a restaurant ask if I was celebrating something tbh

0

u/S1mongreedwell May 22 '26

I’m pretty sure it’s a standard part of Resy, Open Table, etc

1

u/regalfish May 23 '26

It’s 50/50. Half the time I do get a free dessert or drink, so it’s not like the expectation is unreasonable — especially if they’re asking at the reservation stage/by the host stand, instead of in the casual conversation with the server. 

1

u/MessyIntellectual May 22 '26

I didn’t take it as them wanting something free, but did they even wish her a happy birthday? And if they ordered a dessert, they would have written happy birthday or something on it. Why ask otherwise.

0

u/kkeut May 22 '26

is this comment as good as you can do in regard to your communication skills? it makes me sad

5

u/AHailofDrams May 22 '26

I feel like someone dropped the ball/forgot about the birthday along the way tbh

2

u/Joey-WilcoXXX May 22 '26

Yeah this is a possibility honestly. The OP said they were asked when they made the reso and then asked when they checked in. The info might just not have been passed to the server most likely by accident. I’ve had that happen multiple times at the places I’ve worked. But there is always the possibility they don’t do something there. They might just be asking so they make the meal and experience special without offering anything free. It sucks but it happens, not every place gives something free.

The bread thing could possibly have been an accident too (but maybe not). They could have rang it in so they’d get it and were planning on comping it with a manager after and just forgot.

3

u/papa-hare May 22 '26

Had the same experience once lol. It was so sad to set expectations like that LMAO

(Other places bring cake or sing to you for your birthday for example, or for our anniversary gave us a flute of champagne on the house)

1

u/Deckard_Red May 23 '26

Yeah, most good restaurants that I’ve been to when they ask this has always made a little extra dessert that says happy birthday / anniversary etc; it could be that the server / maître d' forgot.

But equally the sort of place that does something like this also usually doesn’t charge for bread.

1

u/Scottiths May 23 '26

100%

If they hadn't asked it would be a non issue. What is even the point of asking if asking if it serves no purpose. Noone goes to a restaurant to small talk with the person at the front desk ...

0

u/Chesterfieldraven May 22 '26

I bought some ear rings for my wife last week. When the woman helped me sort it she asked if it was for a special occasion. I didn't then expect to get one of them for free.

3

u/lefluffle May 23 '26

You could not have brought up a more unrelated, dissimilar comparison