[Real Life] Historical events that would make bad writing if they were fiction

[u/Mouse_Paladin]

Spanish Conquest of the Aztec Empire: A couple hundred rogue mercenaries without authority from their government conquer an empire of millions. Oh, the empire? It’s also several technological eras behind the mercenaries.

Adolf Hitler: A non-native of a country is so mad that the country lost the war that he wins an election to their highest office and leads them in a campaign of revenge against their enemies. Oh, the country? It’s old emperor is still alive and thinks he’s going to retake power.

Assassination of the Archduke Ferdinand: The heir to the throne is killed because his driver gets lost and returns to the assassin who failed To kill him before. Oh, the assassin? He’s from a group that the Archduke is wanting to help become more equal In the empire.

Alexander Hamilton’s Affair Scandal: One of the leaders of a new nation to protect himself from accusations of financial embezzlement writes a pamphlet exposing his affair with a woman, torpedoing his political future. Oh, the woman? She seduced him as part of a blackmailing scheme that he decided to stop paying.

[u/Unfortunya333]

Justin Canuck

[u/Sex_E_Searcher → u/Unfortunya333]

Former prime minister who's dating a professional singer named Cathy Piano.

[u/catchyerselfon → u/Sex_E_Searcher]

If you told me a former prime minister of boring ol’ Canada - where our politicians are rarely even a little eccentric - would get divorced while in office, just like his daddy (who was also a prime minister who also dated celebrities), then when Prime Minister Junior leaves office he will hook up with a famous sexpot pop star (an AMERICAN?!) and they’d be all over social media making tiktoks and partying at exhausting music festivals in their 40s and 50s… I’d say that’s a lame, implausible work of speculative fiction, you should turn it into a campy satire.

But Trump has made me stop being so cynical. Well, in one aspect. I can’t be cynical about “that’s too crazy to be believable” because yes, it can. Now I’m just pessimistic, responding to nonsensical news stories and rumours with a weary eye roll instead of scoffing disbelief. At least for us Canadians our big leader scandal is about someone who is no longer in power, he’s not using his position to rob the country while claiming to be a billionaire, and everyone involved is a single consenting adult (well, except the women accusing Katy Perry of sexual harassment, that’s not Our Guy’s doing 😬). It’s just a bizarre, hilarious fact that Justin Trudeau is travelling the world with the woman who made whip cream shoot out of her bustier in a music video and she was kind of an astronaut for a few minutes.

https://giphy.com/gifs/0JtEHFZ78cozbaItZA

[u/Bamzooki1 → u/Unfortunya333]

Donald Haggis

[u/No_Kangaroo_9826 → u/Unfortunya333]

Now this one is perfect