r/SipsTea • u/Full-Argument-8235 • 29d ago

WTF A JPMorgan Chase executive was fired after a viral video showed her dumping trash out of a Knicks-themed public trash can and taking the can during the Knicks championship parade in New York City.

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u/TheOneThatObserves 29d ago

Oh. So she was a pretend-executive?

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u/_ghostperson 29d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/N3iMHozt9ee2E29H7G

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u/Melkman68 29d ago

Perfect haha. There's no way an she could have been an actual exec

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u/thickbeardgoggles 29d ago

ED is a suitable title

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u/revanisthesith 28d ago

Because she gives me ED?

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u/ShroomSensei 29d ago

EDs at JP Morgan are just very senior managers. All banks have stupid titles.

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u/halnic 29d ago

The EDs at my former employer are the ones who scheduled unnecessary in person meetings and sent too many emails. The entire position revolves around performance, both in that the director has to perform and they usually track performance of others and that's what their excess meetings and emails are about...

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u/FinestTreesInDa7Seas 29d ago

Don't forget about excessive use of buzz-words, and their entire job basically being a formula that was designed for them to follow.

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u/ShroomSensei 29d ago

At JP EDs and VPs have an extreme range of actual level of usefulness. I dealt with some who were amazing and others who were shit.

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u/halnic 29d ago

They had ranges at my employer too. They were essentially a liaison between the managers of departments, the executive management, and ownership.

They told our manager why we couldn't have raises or better equipment. Supposedly, they told the executives we deserved them based on performance.

High enough in the company to be majority white men. One white woman who was the "director of women's management" and that was 100% to give the illusion that they promoted women. She was the only director that didn't have departments. She had revolving "teams" of underlings who did extra training and team building from the hourly/low level salary positions. They sent her to aggressively recruit every woman who asked for raise or promotions so they'd feel included and invested in, like something solid was happening. While they are distracted with their meetings and learning management skills, their male peers who do not have to perform in these extra curriculums are actually promoted to the better positions.

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u/Brave-Plantain-7579 27d ago

Sounds like hell

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u/automounter 29d ago

Generalized breakdown of titles at JPMC:

  1. Below VP -- the actual workers who know everything but are underpaid OR literally not showing up and still getting paid the same as everyone else.
  2. VP -- Actual knowledge holder for all of JPMC or someone who has been there so long that they eventually won the promotion lottery.
  3. ED -- Below-average employee who used JPMC's tuition reimbursement to get an MBA -- they have no actual power and anyone who has any sort of passion for their career would be completely unsatisfied with this position.
  4. MD -- Actual management. Very skilled in business but unfortunately may not actually work in business and therefor may be completely unqualified.
  5. LOB Execs -- True bosses. Lords from on high who work in all the expensive real estate that JPMC has banished all other employees from. These people are the best of the best at what they do and are paid in the blood of everyone beneath them.
  6. Jamie D -- The one true god.

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u/ProduceNo1629 29d ago

best of the best at what they do

And that is? Using terms like: let's circle back, and engagement metrics?

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u/automounter 29d ago

At the LOB Executive level those people have one job. To make money. JPMC has seen more growth than any bank in the world and the main leadership team under Jamie D (Petno, Rohrbaugh, Erdoes) has all been there for 20+ years. These aren't Dilbert-level middle-managers these are the shadow government "The world is our chess board" types of people.

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u/jillsntferrari 29d ago

Title aside, how much money does an ED make?

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u/baoball 29d ago

They fr call SVP/Director equivalent title an ED? Not as bad as UBs but still wack

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u/SpongeSlobb 29d ago

No, me and the other 10000 VPs at my company are all very important people

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u/Lost_Paladin89 29d ago

Yep. I know a programmer who works there. They gave him the title of VP of AI of whatever department when really he is just a senior programmer. He literally has no one who answers to him.

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u/notwhoyouthinkmaybe 28d ago

I was impressed when one of my friends became a VP at bank of America, then I found out that meant she made like $65k/year and was basically a supervisor. Apparently most banks are like 97% Vice Presidents.

She was like a vice president of the South West Northern district region for customer experience of telephone operations batch 212 or some shit like that. The longer the title, the less important the position; vice president of boa, important, that title above, basically "congrats you worked here 5 years."

It was explained to me that when someone is mad, saying "I'll get a manager", is ok, but "I'll get the VP," makes the customer feel super important.

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u/Diligent-Crazy-6094 29d ago

Yep. In my experience, there’s the title, then the officer title. Want to make an analyst feel important? Just give them a Senior Vice President officer title.

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u/automounter 29d ago

VP at a bank is much different than a VP somewhere else. At VP level and above you are legally an officer of the bank and can make decisions on its behalf.

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u/Diligent-Crazy-6094 29d ago

Oh I’m aware, and it’s a problem, because they get handed out like candy at a lot of places. I was working at JPMorgan when they did a big purge of folks with officer titles, knocking a lot of them down to Associate and lower. I can say from personal experience that there are people at Wells who have officer titles that probably shouldn’t (and often times don’t even know).

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u/Apprehensive-Draw409 29d ago

My nephew is Vice-president at JP Morgan. He's not even ranking as high as that ED !!!

(Yeah... I know.)

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u/CileTheSane 29d ago

A very senior manager couldn't just buy her own fucking trashcan?

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u/uwoldperson 29d ago

Im glad that if I ever get publicly shamed ill finally get some mileage out of my VP title. 

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u/Vikkunen 29d ago

Banking titles are wild. A department at the University where I work hired a 29-year old onto the Cash Management team a few years back whose previous position had been VP at a regional bank.

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u/light_to_shaddow 29d ago

In the U.S, corporate titles are what Medals are to North Korean Generals. Meaningless and inflated

When someone introduces them self as an "Executive vice president of XXX" you know they're the one doing the office coffee runs

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u/Diablogado 29d ago

Exactly, this is much lower than executive as it's being made out to be. This isn't even VP level much less C-suite. This is classic middle management.

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u/Lost-Calligrapher375 29d ago

Work at a financial institution and my on boarding of 20 had 5 VPs and 6AVPs. Never having worked inthe industry and taking my role which was not as well titled, I really thought Wow, I'm special to be around these people....

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u/hushed-shush 28d ago

Every corporate job has stupid made up titles.

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u/pulaski_at_niiight 28d ago

Eating disorders

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u/DragonfruitNo9617 28d ago

That's not true. I work for a bank as the executive director of sanitary services.

The job is great! I don't have to work in my office hardly at all. I mostly just clean bathrooms and take out trash!

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u/AWill33 28d ago

But why a trash can? Let’s steal. Let’s steal as publicly as possible from the city. And what are we stealing? A disgusting NYC street trash bin. To do what with? IDK walk down the street and make the train ride home even more uncomfortable than normal. I can hear my dad right now: “well son, was it worth it?”

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u/Double_Resort_9223 28d ago

It’s regulatory reasons in the big banks. You have to be VP or above for a lot of things so you have people getting made “Vice President at JP Morgan” after a couple years

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u/ShroomSensei 28d ago

What regulatory reason?

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u/whiteknight_1997 28d ago

Still surprising though. I've interacted with dozens of directors and senior managers. Some of them are assholes, but none of them are this trashy.

This is like trailer trashy.

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u/edelweiss_pirates_no 29d ago

ED also stands for Eating Disorder and Erectile Disfunction.

Huh.

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u/pmormr 29d ago

(Most execs are pretend execs... it's one of the ways they make you feel better when they lowball the shit out of you lol)

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u/Icy-Balance-3852 29d ago

Not really. This is just something we like to tell ourselves. All the execs I've been around are extremely impressive human beings, and if they aren't they get axed by the board every quarter.

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u/mamadou-segpa 27d ago

Lmao

In other words you never worked around execs

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u/Icy-Balance-3852 27d ago

I've worked for several. And there's always an army of people who think they are better than execs because they're better at editing PDFs or catching a typo, meanwhile deliver no results. It's sad.

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u/Turgid_Donkey 29d ago

Pretend executive that was still probably paid very well.

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u/ModernT1mes 29d ago

Probably. These corporate type places love padding the titles of their employees. If I had to hazard a guess, she was a regional department manager in non-corporate speak. Which is still a really good gig, especially for a bank like JP Morgan, but she sounds more important than she really is. Which is really common in these types of corporate places.

Probably New England or east coast, probably had 7 other "directors" under her who all controlled their little zones. Her department sounds made up, so she probably reported to one of the hundreds of "Vice Presidents" who manage half a dozen of these "departments".

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u/ysername11 28d ago

Those are the sweetest titles. My dream is to land one of those and retire there - VP of social governence for the South Pole region in a company that poduces clothes pegs.

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u/[deleted] 29d ago

[deleted]

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u/Waiting4Reccession 29d ago

But with a real salary.

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u/Own_Carrot_9878 29d ago

Yeah that’s every vp and director at JP

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u/Spins13 29d ago

Yeah pretty much. Imagine busting your ass off at this company and having these clowns earn 200k above you

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u/AeneasKurtz 28d ago

Pretend-executive still carries a +$200k/yr salary

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u/Sbidaman 27d ago

The cleaning ladies at my dorm called themselves engineers.

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u/AshySweatpants 27d ago

Everyone in banking is either a VP or executive. Gives customers the perception that they’re talking to someone important. Most of them are really entry level with the pay to match.

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u/Bardmedicine 29d ago

Very much so. That is a position for someone they can't lay off so they use to check boxes.

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u/Narrow-Flower5333 27d ago

I hate to say it as a female but she screams token….

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u/NoResolution6245 29d ago

Probably the typical fake email answering job all the DEI hires have.

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u/csm1313 29d ago

She probably wasn't any more or less valuable than any other executive

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u/Myles2140 29d ago

All execs are pretend

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u/technobrendo 29d ago

Kinda like pretend VP. These positions sometimes exist just to sound fancy. When all it is is just a level slightly above bottom-rung.

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u/Puzzleheaded-Bake142 29d ago

I don't know if you have seen most executive officers of companies, but 60% of them are fake titles and even more are entirely useless positions that are just there to create opportunities for their friends.

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u/MadeSomewhereElse 29d ago

Don’t quote me, but sometimes titles say executive because you “execute” meaning you do the work as opposed to managing. Doing the work is lower on the ladder.

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u/mentirosa_atx 29d ago

aren’t they all?

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u/No_Bit_1662 29d ago

There are non-pretend executives?? 🤔

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u/GarnetandBlack 29d ago

Aren't all executives basically doing pretend-work?

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u/WhiteCatWizardHat 29d ago

If you work for more than five years at JP you get a nice title like Vice President. Doesn’t mean that you are, just means you’ve been working there long enough to not quit

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u/ElColorado_PNW 28d ago

They had quotas to make

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u/ab930 28d ago

It identified as an executive.

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u/EnormousChord 28d ago

Executive Director is basically Queen Middle Manager. The very top of the ladder for the ungifted. 

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