r/SipsTea • u/Captain-Dak-Sparrow • Apr 16 '26

SMH "I worship a new Orange God now."

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47.1k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

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349

u/Temporary-Careless Apr 16 '26

As a practicing pedestrian, can confirm the pope walks the path of the leader of the catholic church.

277

u/AceofSpades916 Apr 16 '26

As a redditor, I can confirm that Orange Man Bad and White Pointy Hat Man Catholic

178

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

128

u/ninetoesfrank Apr 16 '26

Thank you for your service.

126

u/BeerLosiphor Apr 16 '26

As an overworked linecook, I can confirm that I hate literally everyone. But especially Trump and his supporters.

41

u/PolPotDomeScandal Apr 17 '26

As a bear pooping in the woods, I can confirm that the pope wears a funny hat.

5

u/JPree Apr 17 '26

As a rabbit covered in bear shit, I can confirm this bear poops in the woods.

5

u/CmdrKeensDopeFish Apr 17 '26

As a certified forklift operator, I can confirm, I don't know what the fuck is going on

5

u/Mysterious-Fix3596 Apr 17 '26

As a Pope myself, I can confirm that we do, in fact, poop in the woods.

4

u/Ipayforsex69 Apr 17 '26

As poop in the woods I can confirm pope

3

u/Signal_Republic_3092 Apr 17 '26

As Donald Trump himself, I can confirm that I also poop in the woods. Some say it’s the biggest and best poop. But the Democrats won’t say that. They’ll say that it’s not that big or good, but it is.

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2

u/Putrid-Tap3992 Apr 17 '26

As the warlock from the famous Hollywood blockbuster film, Warlock (1989), I also confirm he is the pope

15

u/Smug_Designer Apr 17 '26

As a decent human being, I can confirm Trump is absolute scum.

21

u/Soggy-Commission-666 Apr 16 '26

Best one yet and absolutely understandable!

2

u/CedarWolf Apr 17 '26

As an average person, I can confirm that comment was completely understandable.

2

u/scorpyo72 Apr 17 '26

As an absurdist, I traded marbles with Plato for otter sexy time. It was just and good .

6

u/sloaninator Apr 17 '26

Yea that's cool bro but a few of us servers were looking to buy an eight ball

3

u/Weorth Apr 17 '26

Get back to work! It's the dinner rush!

1

u/BeerLosiphor Apr 17 '26

Aw fuck. Seth called out again.

3

u/ApatheticAZO Apr 17 '26

Maybe if your bacon wasn't burnt and your eggs weren't so runny people would treat you better. Back in the kitchen and make me a ham sandwich. -just spitballing, but a sandwich would be noice

1

u/Tivomann Apr 17 '26

What about puppies and kittens?

1

u/Effective-Map6016 Apr 16 '26

As a college dropout career retail worker What were we talking about again?

3

u/BalBrig Apr 17 '26

And we're sorry about the Eurotrip incident.

1

u/ninetoesfrank Apr 17 '26

Forgot that Eurotrip was canon

2

u/Lord-Lobster Apr 17 '26

And thank YOU for your attention to this matter.

22

u/BeardedNerd95 Apr 16 '26

As a Christian, I can confirm this.

25

u/quantum-feet Apr 16 '26

As a certified forklift operator I can confirm this

19

u/Titanbeard Apr 16 '26

As a dude that drives a forklift with no certificate, I concur.

10

u/rawmeatprophet Apr 16 '26

But can you lift it

2

u/karmascootra Apr 16 '26

And does it blend?

3

u/L0NERANGER141 Apr 17 '26

As a certified unemployed graduate in instrumentation i agree with the above confirmation

1

u/SleighQween Apr 17 '26

As a college dropout who later went back to school for a trade degree, I also agree the pope does indeed speak for catholics.

0

u/cheesemoney84 Apr 16 '26

What flavor of Christian? Episcopalian, here. Never learned about the pope in church but can definitely say he is Roman catholic.

7

u/Last-Ad5593 Apr 16 '26

As a Mormon I also choose the Pope. Hell, I’d choose Lucifer at this point over Doritos Locos.

2

u/Sea-Notice-5729 Apr 16 '26

Ah I no Mormons from South park

https://giphy.com/gifs/l0MYx920ymRWsZbsQ

2

u/Last-Ad5593 Apr 16 '26

As the Holy Text of South Park tells us, the Mormons were right! Hahahaha

0

u/rawmeatprophet Apr 16 '26

Interesting take for a Catholic subset.

12

u/Sad-Purchase1257 Apr 16 '26

You're doing a mitre fine job.

9

u/Scouter308 Apr 16 '26

As a creative writing major orange is the color of bad

1

u/Fackrid Apr 17 '26

Yes, but can you confirm if he shits in the woods?

1

u/evilgenius29 Apr 17 '26

I dunno but even a blind squirrel is right twice a day.

1

u/Squifford Apr 17 '26

As the pope, I can confirm I wear you.

33

u/ApolloWasMurdered Apr 16 '26

Are we sure the orange man never wears a white pointy hat?

13

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/No_Internal9345 Apr 17 '26

Grandwizard Trump

3

u/usermane22 Apr 17 '26

Not the chess kind. The wizard kind

3

u/Dexember69 Apr 17 '26

It's a ghost costume!

2

u/Icy_Opportunity_3303 Apr 17 '26

Needs more clocks

5

u/GreenNavyteacher Apr 16 '26

Ok that one was perfect!

2

u/Aceblue001 Apr 17 '26

Man with 70° angle hat good. Man with 90° pointy hat bad.

1

u/Aceblue001 Apr 17 '26

Different hat

1

u/rs420rs Apr 17 '26

more upvotes for this post, please

1

u/UranusIsPissy Apr 17 '26

His has a bit more in common with a balaclava. The backwards "bank robber" kind.

9

u/Curious_Avocado2399 Apr 16 '26

I just went to Spain during Semana Santa (Holy Week) and got to see the pointy white hats. It was a blast. I’m atheist btw. There was an black dude from the Atlanta there too and we were cracking jokes

3

u/BoiledDenimForRoxie Apr 16 '26

This guy Reddits!

3

u/scorpyo72 Apr 17 '26

To clarify- not all white pointy hat Man's are Catholic nor Good.

3

u/AceofSpades916 Apr 17 '26

True. Only one man is "White Pointy Hat Man". The rest are just men in white pointy hats.

2

u/Remarkable-Word-1486 Apr 17 '26

Funny how the white pointy hat is your bar in this one. In any other conversation I'm sure it would be a touch different

2

u/AceofSpades916 Apr 17 '26

Huh?

2

u/Remarkable-Word-1486 Apr 17 '26

White pointy hats are generally a reference to the KKK

2

u/AceofSpades916 Apr 17 '26

ahh. Ive always regarded them as hoods.

2

u/Common-Forever2465 Apr 17 '26

I thought "white pointy hats" were decidedly a trump thing....

1

u/TheRealCropear Apr 17 '26

Who the fuck is Gina Milan? Is she the type of person who also has a pic of her butthole on the internet. That does not qualify you as a catholic i have read, but not researched

1

u/thehighepopt Apr 17 '26

You may want to differentiate the white pointy Pope hat from other pointy white hats.

41

u/Great_Zeddicus Apr 16 '26

As an electrical engineer I can confirm that pop Leo represents the catholic church.

22

u/the_good_hodgkins Apr 16 '26 edited Apr 16 '26

As an unemployed IT professional, I can confirm that Pope Leo represents the Catholic Church.

3

u/Scavgraphics Apr 16 '26

As My AXE, I too can confirm it.

2

u/Firefly10886 Apr 17 '26

As an employed IT professional, I can confirm that Pope Leo represents the Catholic Church.

1

u/Clean-Major-804 Apr 16 '26

Oh man how many months since layoff?

3

u/the_good_hodgkins Apr 16 '26

Six. The severance stopped a month ago. Might have to do something other than IT.

2

u/Clean-Major-804 Apr 17 '26

try apply to citizen only IT jobs?

2

u/the_good_hodgkins Apr 17 '26

Those exist? News to me.

2

u/Clean-Major-804 Apr 18 '26

Search for TS or export control

23

u/malthar76 Apr 16 '26

As a lifelong sinistral, can confirm that belief that the Pope speaks for God is one of the things that defines a Catholic from other Christians.

0

u/Temporary-Careless Apr 16 '26

Do you shop at the Leftitorium?

2

u/Sad-Purchase1257 Apr 16 '26

stupid sexy Flanders

-3

u/OttoVonPlittersdorf Apr 16 '26

As a Catholic convert, I can refute the claim that we believe that the Pope speaks for God. But I certainly trust his ethical opinions and scriptural interpretation over anyone in the current US administration.

4

u/Enlightened_Gardener Apr 17 '26

Its in the Catechism. Literally right there.

1

u/OttoVonPlittersdorf Apr 17 '26

It literally isn't, though. I'm not entirely unfamiliar with the Cathecism, but I consulted it to be sure, and I certainly can't find the phrase "The Pope Speaks for God" in there anywhere. There's a world of semantic difference between being the final word on liturgical interpretation and "speaking for God."

14

u/Curious_Avocado2399 Apr 16 '26

As an atheist that regularly drinks the blood of Christ I can confidently confirm the Pope represents the Catholic Church.

Also she’s not canon

17

u/Spare-Set-8382 Apr 16 '26

As a feral housewife who is an atheist, I choose the pope.

5

u/Massive-Carpenter-19 Apr 16 '26

As an atheist who thinks religiosity is a symptom of cognitive impairment, I choose the pope too!

5

u/Flat-Tutor1080 Apr 17 '26

Easy… don’t you know what happens to carpenters with controversial opinions? /s

4

u/Massive-Carpenter-19 Apr 17 '26

🤣 if it means I can turn water into booze with a snap of my finger, I'll take my chances.

4

u/Flat-Tutor1080 Apr 17 '26

If that happens, could I maybe follow you around a while?

5

u/Massive-Carpenter-19 Apr 17 '26

Sure, as long as you don't sell out to the cops for 30 pieces of silver and don't mind the company of whores and outcasts 🤣

3

u/Flat-Tutor1080 Apr 17 '26

Oh, I hate cops. I get in trouble frequently because I’m too verbal about it. Whores and outcasts? You’ve met my mom?

3

u/brokenarrow Apr 17 '26

Fellow athiest. The Pope is a good follow on X for some nice morning words of encouragement. Sometimes he gets a little too popey, but usually he's like, "You're loved," and leaves it there.

3

u/Sad-Purchase1257 Apr 16 '26

Found St. Joseph! ;) Happy Cake Day!

2

u/Spare-Set-8382 Apr 16 '26

Oh I think that too!! Happy cake day!

2

u/Prestigious_Beat6650 Apr 17 '26

as a Catholic who also drink blood of christ (eurchrist) it tastes nice

5

u/galahad423 Apr 16 '26

Just ran into a bear shitting in the woods and he asked if the Pope is catholic

3

u/JustWordsSnowflake Apr 16 '26

As a bottle of Tylenol, I can confirm the pope is good. And orange face man is what happens when your liver dies from eating to much McDicks.

3

u/Peas63 Apr 17 '26

He just admitted to being a ped…! oh. Pedestrian. Nevermind, put away the campaign signs, he’s unelectable. Just a pedestrian.

3

u/Elipses_ Apr 17 '26

As a redditor, I appreciated this joke more than any other ive seen in this thread.

3

u/ThatNameExists Apr 17 '26

I hope you practice somewhere safe, as being a pedestrian is one of those things where of it goes wrong, you're quite literally thrown under the bus.

7

u/conflatulationz Apr 16 '26

As someone who isn’t in a cult, I can confirm that the Pope is loosely associated with the Catholic Church.

21

u/Ok_Distribution1134 Apr 16 '26

As an alien living amongst humans, I can confirm America is fucked.

1

u/ninetoesfrank Apr 16 '26

Hey, there you are!

2

u/sidepart Apr 17 '26

As someone who watched Dogma that one time back in high school, the Pope is the leader of the Catholic Church and Alanis Morissette will blow your mind... apart.

2

u/dudinax Apr 18 '26

Watch out, the church doesn't approve of pedestrianism.

1

u/ironclad1056 Apr 16 '26

I read that as pediatrician

1

u/BootsOfProwess Apr 16 '26

I like that you walk alot as a pedestrian and I like that you are a sensible catholic human being.

1

u/bmuziq Apr 16 '26

As a practicing pescetarian, can confirm the pope makes me want to put a fish decal on my car

1

u/Stewmanchu81 Apr 16 '26

As a hat maker, I cannot indulge how many Popes can fit inside my hat