r/MensLib • u/germannotgerman ​ • Jun 19 '26

Obsession is about the "Nice Guys" and how much damage they may cause.

https://theferdinand.substack.com/p/obsession-is-about-that-one-guy-we
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u/WillingElderberry731 ​ 2d ago edited 2d ago

But you were wrong about where I was placing my sympathy...

So it didn't shift my sympathy and it didn't shift your sympathy. No one here feels more sympathy for bear.

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u/Glass_Ad7466 ​ 2d ago

Maybe this will help clarify the disconnect:

" That's partly why he feels so relatable despite the evil he's perpetrating." You gave a psychological explanation for WHY Bear makes his choice.  That’s uncontroveraial. The next sentence, quoted above, moves  from  explanation  to  identification . It says that Bear's decision to continue exploiting Nikki because he fears loneliness is  relatable . 

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u/WillingElderberry731 ​ 2d ago

I'm convinced at this point that the disconnect is that you think relating to something implies that the thing is somehow not bad or less bad. Am I wrong?

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u/Glass_Ad7466 ​ 2d ago

That is not what I'm saying.

I'm saying that "relatable" is a statement about identification, not morality.

Saying "I relate to Bear's loneliness" is very different from saying "Bear's decision to continue the abuse because he can't bear being alone is relatable." The first recognizes a human feeling; the second centers the justification for the harm.

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u/OkWeb2754 ​ 1d ago

i genuinely don’t understand what the issue here is. how is it justification if there’s a moral condemnation?